Trust and Faith

What is it about marks and bruises on my body that I really enjoy? Is it the intensity of the play ? The feeling of complete abandonment ? The trust and faith I give to the Dominant as He uses various things on my body, each one designed to make me want more ? Is it the feeling of submission, knowing that I am giving Him something that cannot be taken from me ?

I love the first strike, then as the scene progresses the 'burning' sensation that covers me, and if Master is concentrating on one area the sharp pain which turns to a hot ache as that area is struck repeatedly, yet as i lay there with my eyes closed and my hands bound i have no fear, i know deep inside that He will not hurt me and that sounds really weird as this Man is paddling me and whipping me hard enough to leave welt marks and raised skin, to bring the blood to the surface and almost cause it to flow but fear is never an emotion i think of in association with Him

I have at times made Him so cross that He is in my face shouting and swearing at me, He has banished me from His sight, He has walked away from me to calm Himself down or ignored me for hours on end - yet still i did not fear for my safety.

The faith and trust a slave puts in her Master, regardless of whether she is one who enjoys paddling or not is one of the basic foundations of this lifestyle, she has to trust that He will keep her safe and not hurt her, she has to have faith that even during the hight of play He will be in control enough to know what is enough for her, she is putting her life in His hands and she needs to believe that He will always do His best to protect and guide her, without the basic trust and faith in her Master these simple things become a struggle for the slave, she will have doubts and fears that unless she believes in Him 100% will not leave her and so taint the whole relationship.

People in any form of relationship need these basic foundations, but they are more important in a BDSM M/s relationship as there is an element of 'danger' in the play times, the whips and canes can do real damage to a person and unless you have complete faith in your Master you will not allow yourself the freedom to explore all that this lifestyle can hold.

There are times when things are said and done and that trust and faith is shaken, doubts creep in and confusion takes over but deep down, in the very core of a person there has to be trust, without that there is no moving forward, no growing, no relationship.

Just as important for a submissive to trust the Dominant it is vital that the Dominant trusts the sub - its a two way street. If the Dominant doesn't trust or have faith in the submissive it causes untold problems. If he is one that always looks to her to blame regardless, always sees her as the one in the wrong, prejudging her without cause or question then that trust is missing and that is a step on the road to relationship ruin. Just as a submissive needs to have faith and trust in her Dominant then he also needs to have the same. Its how a relationship works .................

Change

Change is something everyone looks for in their life. Whether it be living standards, job situation, advancement, having a family or a host of other things, we as people look to change as that allows us to grow and move onwards to being the person we want to be.

In the BDSM world we look at subs/slaves growing, expanding their limits, their knowledge, their depth of service, any number of things really. The emphasis is on them growing and learning more, being more, submitting more to their 'One'. This is something we all want to do and strive to learn the lessons being taught, the tasks set are there to help us. The rules and boundries there to guide us.

What about the Dominants though ? When all the emphasis is on the submissive to change who and what they are, their behavior and demeanor, alter some things that have either been taught or are habits learnt over the years then what about the Dominants ? Who tells them that they need to change as well ?

If a submissive says to a Dominant that his behavior is wrong, that something he is doing or not doing is damaging to them, that how be treats or interacts with them is not what was promised then she is accused of topping from the bottom yet who else really knows that person better than the one serving them ?

I can understand and accept that a lot of times Dominants do things ' Just because they can' whether thats in how they interact ( or don't interact in some cases ) with their submissives, be it in how they treat them, talk to them, set rules and tasks that are virtually impossible to test them it doesn't make it right does it ? Some times the " I can so I will " attitude is blinding them to what they actually are doing to themselves, the submissive and the relationship. Being a Dominant is not a free pass to being a god. By the same token its not an excuse to be an ass either.

All people need to change, for the Dominant to instruct the submissive to change and grow and learn is a wonderful thing if done in the right way. It opens them up to new experiences and learning possibilities. Done in the wrong way with anger and abusive language, with no guide lines and no support and concern for them is a one way street to disaster as all it will do is destroy the self esteem and self worth of the submissive, leaving them nervous and anxious that no matter what they do will be wrong.

In my experience all submissives want to be their best, they strive long and hard to be pleasing and 'worthy' of their Dominant ......... unfortunatly that is not true for all Dominants, the attitude is they are perfect and never in need of learning and changing themselves and especially not for a submissive - hell have even heard the words said ' I am a Master so what do I need to change for, if you don't like it there are plenty more out there who will do as I tell them, when I tell them and how I tell them with no questions asked'

So who tells the Dominant that their behavior needs changing ?

Psychological Damage

I was reading a post the other day about safety and play etc. One of the sections dealt with psychological damage that can be done to a submissive during play, how pushing them during a scene can cause untold damage if they are not in the right frame of mind. This got me to thinking ........ what is psychological damage and why do people assume its only done during play scenes ? What about the damage a Dominant can and does do to a submissive during 'normal' everyday interaction ?

There are some people who enjoy humiliation play during a scene, they enjoy being degraded and called names etc DURING A SCENE as they know tht what is being said is not how the Dominant really feels towards them, but if they were to be called those names outside of the scene then the damage done to the slaves self esteem and sense of self worth would be great - that is psychological damage.

How about the promises that a Dominant makes to his submissive, and then breaks then continually, does that not also become psychological damage ? After all the submissive is supposed to trust and have faith in the Dominant so if things said and promised are continually broken or ignored then does that not lead to damage to the submissive ?

As a form of punishment some Dominants choose to ignore their subs/slaves, but what if they choose to ignore them for no reason, is that not classed as psychological damage ? After all it is a submissives wish to interact and communicate with her Dominant, its something all the posts say, communication is key and vital, so to remove that for no reason is damaging to both the submissive and the relationship.

Psychological Damage is something that is done to the mind, it can be something that happens in a scene just once or it can be repeated behavior towards a person over a length of time. Both of them leave lasting marks and unlike the marks left by a whip or a crop these take longer to heal. The trust takes longer to rebuild, the actions take longer to forget and submissives especially are living in fear of the pattern and behavior being repeated over and over ........

People say that no one can make another person feel something, be that fear, uncertainty, unworthyness, desperation etc etc but that is not true. When a person has been treated in a certain way over a period of time that behavior is leads to feeling within another person......... kick a dog everytime you see it and before long that dog will cower every time it sees you......... the same goes for a person, display certain behavior towards another and they will expect it all the time - good and bad ....... and the bad is how psychological damage is caused..........

Why Do People Have Cyber Courage ?

The other day i was talking to a friend and they asked me what i had done - i was confused. Done ? in what way ? What was she talking about ? Well it seems a 'mutal' friend had displayed cyber courage once more and written about certain things, in a veiled way of course and with inferred references instead of actually coming out and saying anything but those who know me and that person both know who she was reffering to.
What really surprised me was this person approached me and started talking to me, not the other way around, and this same person spent 40 minutes bad mouthing her former Master and blaming everything on Him and others but never themselves, in their minds they are totally blameless.
Not once in that whole 40 minutes did this person ask after my health, even knowing that i have been having tests for cancer, not once did the conversation go to anything except herself and her woes etc etc yet she posts she cannot talk to me !!!
I am really surprised at how different people view the same conversation and said as much to my Master, i will admit i was pissed, furious in fact as this person has cyber courage yet when talking to me is all sweetness and light, the two facedness is something i find really hard ti understand.
I know we are all self serving at times but come on, show some respect for others, if you have something to say at least have the courage of your beliefs and tell them to their face, i so wanted to go to this other person and tel them a few home truths, clear the air but i was forbidden to do so, and so i ended up having an agrument with Master which i am sure if they had known would have pleased them !
I know there are times i am opinionated and i shoot from the hip, if people do not like what i have to say that is fine, it is my view or opinion and if you ask me something i will tell you and not lie to you unlike some will, i am confident in my self and my position with my Master that i do not need validation from others yet i am still human and if attacked i will strike back when pushed into a corner, if you don't like that then i suggest you either talk to me and bitch and moan at me or you keep quiet, posting stuff across the internet only makes you look stupid * as this is proberbly making me look right now but i am fed up with people thinking they can take pot shots at me for no reason*
Cyber courage is a wonderful thing, it makes a person look pathetic, and from what i was told * i refuse to read what was written as then i really would be feeding into their delusions* this was a cyber post which achieved nothing except to make them look petty

Punishments

Punishments are used to correct behavior in a sub or slave, they are a method of teaching them that certain behavior is not acceptable and needs to be addressed and sometimes the manner in which it is addressed is by punishment.

A punishment should not be the first action a Dom or Master takes, they usually talk to the sub or slave and tell them what they are doing wrong, how they are displeasing their Owner, and steps are taken to correct the behavior but if this fails then obviously a punishment is needed and given. The form of punishment should always fit the 'crime' and should be something that the sub or slave does not like, there is no point caning a pain slut as all this will teach her is that if she screws up she is still going to get some pleasure when being punished.

HOWEVER ............... what if the sub or slave is doing as she is told ? What if last week she was told to do such and such and then when she does it the following week she is told it is wrong ? Who then is at fault ?

I can remember my mother telling me as she sent me to my room as a punishment that she was doing it because she cared and wanted me to learn from my actions, so is a Dom or Master when they punish their property just showing how much they care ? If that is the case then it stands to reason that an act that is not punished might mean that they do not care enought to try to correct the behavior surely ?

I really wish that there were some hard and fast rules for punishments, lol i have had more than my fair share of punishments, ranging from silence to being chained in a corner and all of them at the time i felt were unfair * still a few i think were unfair * but each time Master had a reason for the punishment * in His eyes, my version obviously differs at times * so i took the punishment and learnt from it, the action not to be repeated.

Are punishments affective ? Well for this one they are, they teach that certain behavior is not allowed, they show that He cares enough to try to alter my mindset and they reinforce my part in Masters life , i am His slave and the punishments He gives me are because of that