kitten is not a slave

Kitten has written this post 5 times so far, she has written 6 pages on her note book and still she is no more settled than she was, so many things going around in her head, all she wants to do is cry, and damn it kitten is NOT a crier, even writing this she can feel the tears running down her face.

Yesterday really threw her, something happened and it was stupid and pathetic but it really hit kitten hard, another went somewhere they were not supposed to, to keep an check on kitten she guesses and it ended up kitten was told she was over reacting, then was told it was her fault that the one she is blaming goes nowhere, else * which is not true as she does go on a certain place, but not kittens concern if she wishes to lie* It is not kittens fault, kitten has never been on there herself so how can it be her fault ? So many things were said and something another done ended up being something kitten was told to apologise for, and that is not going to happen, that is the first time kitten has actively disobeyed Master and it has thrown her into a spin, she is not a slave, she is not submissive, she refused to do as she was told, damn it kitten hates feeling like this.

Kitten so far has written for hours in her notebook, she has cleaned all she can clean and then some more, all to try to work out what the hell she is supposed to do, how she can get rid of feeling like this, but its not worked, kitten is shutting down, she can sense it, she can feel it and she hates it but it is how she survives,
Ever have days you wish would just swallow you up and take you away from everything ? kitten is feeling like that.

In 10 days kitten is supposed to be on a plane to Master, what is the point if she is not a slave for Him, if He tells her to do something and she refuses, what good will she be for Him then ?




* have spoken to Master and He knows what she did was wrong, but as she will be there in 10 days then He is not going to punish her online, rather He is going to punish her when she is there, kitten knows she was wrong to say no to Him and as He said, she is beating up on herself more that He would ever do but her actions still need addressing, and that is fair enough, kitten knows she was wrong and accepts any punishment with good grace and the knowledge that she deserves it, really really hate on line at times like this, *

Thank You For Loving Me

Always

Some people say there is no such thing as Always, it does not exist, and they might be right, but if they are should you not live now, should you not take what chances of happiness that you can, let your hopes and dreams be a deciding factor in your quest for a life you deserve.

There might not be an always, but there is always a here and now, and that means more if you live life as you want to

Kittens Newest Love

kitten will admit that Master is expanding kittens knowledge. kitten thought she would hate this but it became her newest love. Hmmm makes kitten wonder what else she might love. Pillows? Cuddles? Kisses?




* just in case anyone thinks kitten has lost her mind, this post was not hers, it was sneeked in under the disguise of a Bon Jovi clip, and as kitten has said many times, life is never dull around Master but can she say, pillows.... cuddles..... kisses...
eerrrr can kitten say ...... no way batman ?? *

Have A Nice Day

It seems that some people want to live their life through others, they want to live through the things they say and do that impact on another's life, they try to copy, to imitate and in the end all they have are hollow dreams and no life of their own
kitten has a life, she has a life with Master and she is going to take that life with both hands and live it, she will take what it brings her and she will thrive on it, she will grow with it and she will LIVE so to those who object or question, who want to cause damage, all kitten will say is ... Have A Nice Day

kittens Life

This is for all the ones who are making comments and remarks about kitten being with Master, for all the ones who love nothing more than to say things and put doubts and questions in kittens mind, for all the ones who think they know better than kitten how she should live her life, who want her to walk away and not look back, no matter at what cost to her or her happiness, to all the people who think she is making a mistake and they know more that she does about Master having not ever spoken to Him at all, to all the ones who cause trouble and thrive on making kittens life hell, this is kittens present to you all.

Kittens Notepad

Well kitten is now at the magic two weeks mark, and time seems to be going so fast she is flying around doing everything she can but getting nothing accomplished, and that is a horrible feeling for someone who usually has her finger on the pulse, add to that some other things and at the moment kitten is not sure if she is standing up or sitting down, really wish she was with Master now, just so she knew that all would be alright, and that there would be nothing that anyone could do to her, nothing could touch her, and if it did Master would be there to instantly know something is wrong.

Kitten is now at the ‘ going through the motions’ stage, she is here but in body only, her mind is over loading and she can’t cope with it so it is better to shut that down and just move through the day, take her list and do what she has written on there, no more, no less, its no good trying to think about things as for some reason nothing is making sense, and those who read this know that kitten has a hard job telling what is bothering her, something she knows annoys Master but old habits die hardest and kitten is really not comfortable with that, hence why she writes, her notepad is her lifeline at times, all the things she thinks, feels, fears, worries about are in there, that is her confessional if you like, the place that does not judge her or make her feel worse, you should try it, its a great release at times.

Kitten went into an old ‘room’ on a friendship site yesterday, the first times in more months than she cares to count, she was asked to go by another as there was talk of closing it down and they were trying to build it up again before it was brought to kitten to close down * it is a room kittens previous Dom created and gave to kitten, so it is up to kitten to close the accounts down * It was really weird, as soon as kitten went in she was the ‘all singing and all dancing ‘kitten from before, she was a plastic person, can’t really explain but the kitten in that place is not the real kitten, she is someone who was invented to be everyones friend, to be the ‘go to ‘ person, to laugh and joke, to be the smart ass and the shoulder to cry on, the agony auntie and the advice column, and to some of them the cyber partner they have always been looking for, but that is not the real kitten, and maybe thats the problem, no one on them sites really want to know the real person behind the name, either that or kitten is getting to cynical and can see most of them for the pretenders/wannabes they really are.

Lol remind kitten to write in her note book, and to make these posts more entertaining, hhhmmm guess teasing Master is on the cards tonight, need a boost and if kitten works on her plan now she might, just might stand a chance, but its really hard when even His cats have a blinking Masters Handbook for Cats, so now she has a Master who has a Master cat, there is no hope really, but guess what cat........... this kitten has the place on the floor by the bed to curl up on, so your out of luck there !!!! kitten thinks being with Master 24/7 is going to be entertaining if nothing else, for B/both of U/us.