How many people look in a mirror and really see themselves ? See what other people see ?
Do you ever look really hard and see the bags under your eyes ? Why are they there ? Stress ? Tiredness ? Worry ?
What about the lines on your forehead - What put them there ? Stress ? Worry ?
The smile you plaster on your face - Does it reach your eyes ? Does it light up your face or is it a mast placed there to fool people ?
So many times we look in a mirror and see what we want to see, we see what we want other people to see, few times do we actually look and see what is there, what is inside of us.
A person on the outside can see the things we 'gloss' over, the things we try to hide. They are there just hidden from ourselves ................
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Whats in a Name ?
There seems to be a pre exisiting thought that a Master owns slaves and a Dom owns subs - why ? Why does the Master/Dom only own a certain type of person ? A person can be submissive yet not be a slave, in fact if truth be told there are few that actually make good slaves, and at times i count myself amongst those that are not good slaves, does this mean that i cannot be owned because i am not always a slave ?
Depending on the situation we are in, Master will say i am a sub and we are in a D/s relationship, othertimes i have been reffered to as His room mate and sometimes i am not reffered to as anything, just kitten, does this mean that i am not His at those times ?
I see so many claiming to be slaves and maybe some of them are, but how would they know if they are or not if they have never been owned or have only been owned in a D/s situation where the exchange of power is limited ? Can they really be slaves ? Are they subs ? Who cares any way ?
I am often told that i am too hard on the new ones, the young ones who claim that this is the life they need to complete them and make them whole, that they will serve a Master in all ways, willing to be used by the Master etc etc and after two weeks they are planning to move and be with that Master without really knowing anything about Him, His situation, what He likes to eat, drink, His hobbies, His interests etc etc, How can you serve a person you know nothing about ? How can anyone just up and leave their present situation with only brief interactions with a person they have only been speaking to for a couple of weeks ? What are they running away from ? What are they hoping that this new relationship will solve for them ? Do they know the details of the exisiting relationships ? Are they willing or able to be a part of that persons life in all ways ?
To be a slave is more than being a few holes to fuck, it takes commitment and dedication, it takes trust, faith, understanding, belief, it involves being a part of the bigger picture, wanting the Master to succeed, to achieve His dreams and goals, it takes knowing the person who you are submitting to - things that you cannot really understand until you know that person. A prostitute is a hole to screw, a hand is a way that a Master can get sexual relief but a slave needs to be so much more than either of them and that is where i have a problem, and yes i know that there will be some people sitting reading this saying i am too judgemental and maybe i am, but it takes a lot to be a slave and i really can't see how anyone can claim that title after talking for a few weeks to someone.
We read all the time about fakes and players, it comes from both side of the equation, the Doms and Masters who are not real and the subs and slaves who are just relieving the boredom. i do not claim to know all the details of everyones life, maybe they are in a bad situation and submitting to someone is the only way they can live their life, and if thats the case, good luck to them, but to give up everything within a month or so to be with a person you have only just started talking to is stupid - we all know that people can and do say the right thing when its only brief interactions, yet a 24/7 situation is so very difficult and very hard as well, ask any wife or real slave and they will tell you the same
To call yourself a sub or slave is a persons right, to submit to someone who you really don't know is also their right, to instal yourself into the lifes of others without really knowing what you are getting into is your right as well and if they choose to believe all they are told then that is their perogative.
Call yourself a slave, call yourself a sub, call yourself a Dom or Master, call yourself bi sexual or poly - it really does not matter, being any of those things takes time, work and understanding of what is involved, i would not call myself a rocket scientist without first learning what it is to be one, something i think some people might be well advised to understand, to be something first you have to know and understand what it is and what it involves ..............
Depending on the situation we are in, Master will say i am a sub and we are in a D/s relationship, othertimes i have been reffered to as His room mate and sometimes i am not reffered to as anything, just kitten, does this mean that i am not His at those times ?
I see so many claiming to be slaves and maybe some of them are, but how would they know if they are or not if they have never been owned or have only been owned in a D/s situation where the exchange of power is limited ? Can they really be slaves ? Are they subs ? Who cares any way ?
I am often told that i am too hard on the new ones, the young ones who claim that this is the life they need to complete them and make them whole, that they will serve a Master in all ways, willing to be used by the Master etc etc and after two weeks they are planning to move and be with that Master without really knowing anything about Him, His situation, what He likes to eat, drink, His hobbies, His interests etc etc, How can you serve a person you know nothing about ? How can anyone just up and leave their present situation with only brief interactions with a person they have only been speaking to for a couple of weeks ? What are they running away from ? What are they hoping that this new relationship will solve for them ? Do they know the details of the exisiting relationships ? Are they willing or able to be a part of that persons life in all ways ?
To be a slave is more than being a few holes to fuck, it takes commitment and dedication, it takes trust, faith, understanding, belief, it involves being a part of the bigger picture, wanting the Master to succeed, to achieve His dreams and goals, it takes knowing the person who you are submitting to - things that you cannot really understand until you know that person. A prostitute is a hole to screw, a hand is a way that a Master can get sexual relief but a slave needs to be so much more than either of them and that is where i have a problem, and yes i know that there will be some people sitting reading this saying i am too judgemental and maybe i am, but it takes a lot to be a slave and i really can't see how anyone can claim that title after talking for a few weeks to someone.
We read all the time about fakes and players, it comes from both side of the equation, the Doms and Masters who are not real and the subs and slaves who are just relieving the boredom. i do not claim to know all the details of everyones life, maybe they are in a bad situation and submitting to someone is the only way they can live their life, and if thats the case, good luck to them, but to give up everything within a month or so to be with a person you have only just started talking to is stupid - we all know that people can and do say the right thing when its only brief interactions, yet a 24/7 situation is so very difficult and very hard as well, ask any wife or real slave and they will tell you the same
To call yourself a sub or slave is a persons right, to submit to someone who you really don't know is also their right, to instal yourself into the lifes of others without really knowing what you are getting into is your right as well and if they choose to believe all they are told then that is their perogative.
Call yourself a slave, call yourself a sub, call yourself a Dom or Master, call yourself bi sexual or poly - it really does not matter, being any of those things takes time, work and understanding of what is involved, i would not call myself a rocket scientist without first learning what it is to be one, something i think some people might be well advised to understand, to be something first you have to know and understand what it is and what it involves ..............
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Another Step Closer
Another step closer to getting the all clear - i had another procedure yesterday to get rid of the precancerous cells which seem to want to stay in my body, hopefully third time is a charm and that will be the end of it, i can only hope that the next appointment in a months time will give me the all clear we have been praying for.
i think the measure of a good Master can be found in many ways, and in my case i have a Master who cares deeply for me, His caring and support through this has been amazing, He has been tough on me when i was uncertain, taking the responsibility for my health into His own hands and laying down rules and boundries that help me, He has supported me and held me in His arms when i was afraid and when i was being a brat He didn't just punish me, He looked at the reasons i was being brattish and dealt with those first, then corrected those reasons, sometimes with a punishment and sometimes with a shoulder to lean on. Its hard being a Master and knowing what to do in any given circumstance.
There have been a few people over the years we have been together i would like to have beside me while i went through all this, if for no other reason so i could talk to them and ease some of the burden from Master but as has been discovered they are not interested in me as such, more in what being friends with me can do for them in regard to getting brownie points with Master, its sad but true, and so the bulk of the comforting and care is coming from Master, He said that is His job and one He does not object to doing, it is His responsibility to care for me as i care for Him, life has no guarentees but i can guarentee He will be there for me * which made me cry, He said it while i was still emotional about having more bits cut out of my body, told Him that He should not say things like that till i am feeling more like the fiesty kitten He is used to ! *
Master sat talking to people on im last night while i lay on the floor by His feet, that is somewhere i feel comfortable, its daft i know but its as if the pain in my body is lessened by being near the strength in His body, He put needles in my arms last night as well, He had said if i was good He would as He knows it is a treat for me, and so i slept on the floor with needles in and i felt safe and protected, it was as if He was telling me without words that everything would be ok, He bathed my head when i was burning up with fever and He tended to the blood when He removed the needles before i went to bed.... He cared for me in a way that few people have ever done and if possible it made me realise a bit more that no matter what happens He does love me and He will protect me and keep me safe.
Talking to Master has made me realise that for the first time ever i want more, i need more, i want to go further into submission with Him, something i have never desired before, i want to experiment with the dark side of BDSM and M/s, i want to go to the extreme with Him and this is both scary and exhilirating, i crave blood play, i want to experiment with the more extreme types of bondage and beatings. He is working out how to build a cage for me to be placed into, somewhere i can go when the world is getting too much, i am looking forward to that, a safe place that He has made for me. The way i speak to Him is changing as well, i am more obedient and the tone of my voice has changed, i am not a mindless robot but i am someone who will answer Him with respect and i have to ask now for things that were automatic for me, like getting a drink or going to bed, things i said i was going to do previously i know have to ask for if He is here, if He is at work then i do not bother Him with silly things, He trusts me enough to know that i know the difference between what i should do and what i am doing.
this went on a bit and i am sorry, so much in my head and it all seems to spill out through my fingers, and to be honest i am not sure if it made sense to anyone but me,
i think the measure of a good Master can be found in many ways, and in my case i have a Master who cares deeply for me, His caring and support through this has been amazing, He has been tough on me when i was uncertain, taking the responsibility for my health into His own hands and laying down rules and boundries that help me, He has supported me and held me in His arms when i was afraid and when i was being a brat He didn't just punish me, He looked at the reasons i was being brattish and dealt with those first, then corrected those reasons, sometimes with a punishment and sometimes with a shoulder to lean on. Its hard being a Master and knowing what to do in any given circumstance.
There have been a few people over the years we have been together i would like to have beside me while i went through all this, if for no other reason so i could talk to them and ease some of the burden from Master but as has been discovered they are not interested in me as such, more in what being friends with me can do for them in regard to getting brownie points with Master, its sad but true, and so the bulk of the comforting and care is coming from Master, He said that is His job and one He does not object to doing, it is His responsibility to care for me as i care for Him, life has no guarentees but i can guarentee He will be there for me * which made me cry, He said it while i was still emotional about having more bits cut out of my body, told Him that He should not say things like that till i am feeling more like the fiesty kitten He is used to ! *
Master sat talking to people on im last night while i lay on the floor by His feet, that is somewhere i feel comfortable, its daft i know but its as if the pain in my body is lessened by being near the strength in His body, He put needles in my arms last night as well, He had said if i was good He would as He knows it is a treat for me, and so i slept on the floor with needles in and i felt safe and protected, it was as if He was telling me without words that everything would be ok, He bathed my head when i was burning up with fever and He tended to the blood when He removed the needles before i went to bed.... He cared for me in a way that few people have ever done and if possible it made me realise a bit more that no matter what happens He does love me and He will protect me and keep me safe.
Talking to Master has made me realise that for the first time ever i want more, i need more, i want to go further into submission with Him, something i have never desired before, i want to experiment with the dark side of BDSM and M/s, i want to go to the extreme with Him and this is both scary and exhilirating, i crave blood play, i want to experiment with the more extreme types of bondage and beatings. He is working out how to build a cage for me to be placed into, somewhere i can go when the world is getting too much, i am looking forward to that, a safe place that He has made for me. The way i speak to Him is changing as well, i am more obedient and the tone of my voice has changed, i am not a mindless robot but i am someone who will answer Him with respect and i have to ask now for things that were automatic for me, like getting a drink or going to bed, things i said i was going to do previously i know have to ask for if He is here, if He is at work then i do not bother Him with silly things, He trusts me enough to know that i know the difference between what i should do and what i am doing.
this went on a bit and i am sorry, so much in my head and it all seems to spill out through my fingers, and to be honest i am not sure if it made sense to anyone but me,
Friday, 28 May 2010
Lip Service
There was an instance the other week which has confused and in some ways annoyed me. Master had been speaking to another 'slave' about our life and who and what we were, this was a local person whom we had met briefly last year and happened to meet her again on a site we belong to.
Im conversations moved to phone chats which led to her being invited around to meet me as well and to see if there was a 'spark' between us all and this was met with her approval, she knew Master is poly and that i was a part of His life, there were no secrets or misrepresentations on His part at all. The lady in question came over, she was nice and friendly and we seemed to get on really well, from my perspective any way. She was told that this is a poly relationship, she said that was something she had experience with and liked the idea of being part of a bigger family, it was explained that she would have time with Him on her own as would i and that we would share time together as a unit, that there was no one slave more important than the other.
That day she came over we ended up playing, it was something she was wanting and everyone had a good time. Afterwards we all sat and talked some more and invatations to come over anytime she liked were issued, which she accepted with enthusiasm.
Over the next two weeks i heard nothing from her, Master was treated to brief im messages with no content to really speak of, she was in fact doing the exact opposite of what she had said she wanted and was treating us as she had said she hated being treated herself................why ?
The reason i am telling you this is that with words there needs to come actions, if she was not interested then why pretend she was ? i really fail to see what she was hoping to achieve unless it was to get screwed and played with to satisfy an ache she might have had....
It seems that more and more people are 'pretending' to be something they are not, pretending to want something they really don't, and pretending to have a desire for this life which is in fact just based on having kinky sex, why do people think they can play with others feelings and emotions and get away with it ? Why do people think that they can do or say what they like and it does not bother them ?
Guess its back to the drawing board, i know there is a person out there that wants a poly relationship with Master and He deserves to find that person, and when He does then they will have their biggest supporter in me - provided they are real
Im conversations moved to phone chats which led to her being invited around to meet me as well and to see if there was a 'spark' between us all and this was met with her approval, she knew Master is poly and that i was a part of His life, there were no secrets or misrepresentations on His part at all. The lady in question came over, she was nice and friendly and we seemed to get on really well, from my perspective any way. She was told that this is a poly relationship, she said that was something she had experience with and liked the idea of being part of a bigger family, it was explained that she would have time with Him on her own as would i and that we would share time together as a unit, that there was no one slave more important than the other.
That day she came over we ended up playing, it was something she was wanting and everyone had a good time. Afterwards we all sat and talked some more and invatations to come over anytime she liked were issued, which she accepted with enthusiasm.
Over the next two weeks i heard nothing from her, Master was treated to brief im messages with no content to really speak of, she was in fact doing the exact opposite of what she had said she wanted and was treating us as she had said she hated being treated herself................why ?
The reason i am telling you this is that with words there needs to come actions, if she was not interested then why pretend she was ? i really fail to see what she was hoping to achieve unless it was to get screwed and played with to satisfy an ache she might have had....
It seems that more and more people are 'pretending' to be something they are not, pretending to want something they really don't, and pretending to have a desire for this life which is in fact just based on having kinky sex, why do people think they can play with others feelings and emotions and get away with it ? Why do people think that they can do or say what they like and it does not bother them ?
Guess its back to the drawing board, i know there is a person out there that wants a poly relationship with Master and He deserves to find that person, and when He does then they will have their biggest supporter in me - provided they are real
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Kitten Thoughts and Feelings
I know its been awhile since i last posted, so much has happened and to be honest the time has flown by.
Padrone took me to a Bon Jovi concert, it was amazing and i can honestly say that i feel in love with another man - Jon !!
We are moving deeper into BDSM play, i am now a firm fan of needles, lol to the extent that i don't want them removed and so He allows me to wear them daily, He places them in me and then leaves them there for hours at a time, i love them and the next thing He is going to do is knife play, the thought of trusting Him enough to cut me is heady, its something i never thought i would ever crave but now i find i am begging for it, i or rather we are going into more extreme and He is pushing my limits to the stage they are crumbling at His feet.
Talking about feet, i have found that that is where i love to sit, we don't have to talk, i just feel better when i am at His feet, i sleep on the floor by Him while He is working and it just feels right * ok that sounds stupid but it just feels as if i belong there * i sleep easier and i feel safer - i know its all in the mind but honestly is that not where a lot of a slaves behaviour comes from - her mind ?
My health is still being a problem, i hate that things are still not right and so i try to block it out, i hate talking to Him about it, and that has been the one main bone of contention between us, He insists on being with me for the next procedure and i just want to go on my own, but He also knows me well enough to know i would proberbly not have it done, hhmmm sometimes a Master knows His slave too well !!
Life is a funny thing, it happens whether you want it to or not, i have a full - sometimes over full - life and there are times i struggle with what i am, it seems that there are times there is just not enough of me to go around, yet when i lay in His arms at night when things get to much for me, or i am laying on the floor by His feet i know i am home, i am where i need to be.
Padrone took me to a Bon Jovi concert, it was amazing and i can honestly say that i feel in love with another man - Jon !!
We are moving deeper into BDSM play, i am now a firm fan of needles, lol to the extent that i don't want them removed and so He allows me to wear them daily, He places them in me and then leaves them there for hours at a time, i love them and the next thing He is going to do is knife play, the thought of trusting Him enough to cut me is heady, its something i never thought i would ever crave but now i find i am begging for it, i or rather we are going into more extreme and He is pushing my limits to the stage they are crumbling at His feet.
Talking about feet, i have found that that is where i love to sit, we don't have to talk, i just feel better when i am at His feet, i sleep on the floor by Him while He is working and it just feels right * ok that sounds stupid but it just feels as if i belong there * i sleep easier and i feel safer - i know its all in the mind but honestly is that not where a lot of a slaves behaviour comes from - her mind ?
My health is still being a problem, i hate that things are still not right and so i try to block it out, i hate talking to Him about it, and that has been the one main bone of contention between us, He insists on being with me for the next procedure and i just want to go on my own, but He also knows me well enough to know i would proberbly not have it done, hhmmm sometimes a Master knows His slave too well !!
Life is a funny thing, it happens whether you want it to or not, i have a full - sometimes over full - life and there are times i struggle with what i am, it seems that there are times there is just not enough of me to go around, yet when i lay in His arms at night when things get to much for me, or i am laying on the floor by His feet i know i am home, i am where i need to be.
Sunday, 18 April 2010
One Year On
Well i have been here a year now, been Padrones property real time for exactly a year and in that time there has been a lot of changes.
I have seen people come and go, some i miss and some not as much. I have watched Him battle with His desicion about this lifestyle when He got involved with a vanilla person, wached the heartache He faced when she gave Him a choice, her or this life, He chose the life and i pray its not something He will ever regret. I have struggled and fought my way through some bad moments, some times when i wondered what the hell i was thinking of to give up everything for a dream, a 'fantasy' yet through it all we remained consistant and strong, the arguments not lasting long and each one giving us a clearer understanding of each other.
This life is not an easy one but it is a full one, it can and is great when it works, yet like all lifestyles it takes work and trust, faith and commitment and you can weather the storms, you can survive all that is thrown at you, you just need to know that this is what you both need/desire/want.
All too often you see this life depicted in a series of sex pictures, lol if only that was true, but its not, its about being committed, having trust, faith, hope, dreams,desires, needs, wants, and doing the dishes !!
If this is the life you truely want then i will support you, help you, guide you and encourage you - if this is a game to you then i will wish you well and hope you have fun. Everyone seeks different things from this lifestyle, for me it was an all or nothing deal, and i have it all and am so very happy
I have seen people come and go, some i miss and some not as much. I have watched Him battle with His desicion about this lifestyle when He got involved with a vanilla person, wached the heartache He faced when she gave Him a choice, her or this life, He chose the life and i pray its not something He will ever regret. I have struggled and fought my way through some bad moments, some times when i wondered what the hell i was thinking of to give up everything for a dream, a 'fantasy' yet through it all we remained consistant and strong, the arguments not lasting long and each one giving us a clearer understanding of each other.
This life is not an easy one but it is a full one, it can and is great when it works, yet like all lifestyles it takes work and trust, faith and commitment and you can weather the storms, you can survive all that is thrown at you, you just need to know that this is what you both need/desire/want.
All too often you see this life depicted in a series of sex pictures, lol if only that was true, but its not, its about being committed, having trust, faith, hope, dreams,desires, needs, wants, and doing the dishes !!
If this is the life you truely want then i will support you, help you, guide you and encourage you - if this is a game to you then i will wish you well and hope you have fun. Everyone seeks different things from this lifestyle, for me it was an all or nothing deal, and i have it all and am so very happy
Thursday, 8 April 2010
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