Feeling Tired

I wish i could shake this eternal tiredness that i feel, i feel drained and worn out before the day is half over. I try so hard to stay awake but it takes over me and i fall asleep more or less unwillingly.

Master is so good about it but i know that eventually He will get fed up with it as the time we get together has changed a lot since i started working so each moment is precious to us. I know He has other responsibilities and there are times i return home and He is busy so i wait but a lot of the time i fall asleep before we really get chance to talk or interact and that is not fair to Him and in some ways me either as i cherish the times we spend together.

Working has brought a few of its own problems with it, i find it harder to get into the mindset i need when i return home, i struggle with the feelings of being 'disconnected' a lot of the times and this is something i really cannot understand as before i moved to be with Master i worked full time and ran a household with no trouble, but that is the difference between online and real time i think, with online it doesn't seem 'real' and with r/t it IS real and it is not as easy as people might think to juggle all the balls in the air and not let one drop.

Many people are cut out for online relationships because they are something that does not interfere too much with your real life, the jobs still get done and the tasks you are given are relatively small in comparison to actually taking care of your Master 24/7 - making sure He has a hot meal daily, His clothes are washed and pressed, the house is clean and orderly, the garden is neat and tidy are just a few of the tasks you have all of which you cannot do when you are online.

When you add others to the mix there can be feelings of resentment, a feeling of "Why am i doing all the work and they are getting all the pleasure ?" but it is not your choice who does what, a Master uses those He owns to His advantage and if one is a better cook than another He will obviously make the most of those skills regardless of whether it seems one is doing it all and another doing nothing.

The life of a slave is not an easy one and defiantly not one that can be picked up and put down at her/his whim, it is an all or nothing relationship and even though there are times that things get to much for you, when you seem to struggle more than you thought you ever would it is a great way to live if you are committed to it, it offers you strength and security, love and peace with yourself. Being a slave is not for everyone but for those who choose this as their way of life it IS their life, with all the ups and downs it brings.