Rollercoaster of life

have you ever ridden a roller coaster, one theta turns you upside down and flips you all over the place ? It goes so fast and has so many twists and turns you wonder which way is up and which way is down, it leaves you shaking with excitement and trembling in fear all at the same time, well all kitten will say is ,, welcome to her world !

This last week has been hard for kitten for many reasons, some she will share and some she needs to keep to herself for her sanity, there are times in life when things are bleak, you look at where you are and see no way forward, things happen and it hurts, unfortunately couple that with a new project being undertaken and then things seem to mount up, the words you need to ground yourself are not there and then things grow in your mind and yes even in your heart, emotions become the order of the day and you need to either explode or shut down, both of which kitten has done, Did this change things ? Make them better ? nope not at all and then the feelings of sadness and despair take over,

kitten is a person who values things said, things mentioned, words can hurt as well as build her up, its strange life gives us so much but in return it takes more from us, its how we deal with it that counts, and sometimes kitten does not deal with it very well at all, but unless she tells Master then He will not know, but she cannot tell Him as He is busy, so kitten keeps it inside, she lets it have a part of her, it can not hurt her if she does not acknowledge it can it ? if she ignores it and pretends then things will be fine, won't they ?

kitten is kitten ,, all singing and all dancing and kitten will be fine .. she hopes

kitten and words

hose who know kitten know she stores a lot of value in words, she needs to hear them, she needs to read them, in some cases she needs to feel them as well, well kitten has been reading and searching and found these, ok to some might not mean much but to kitten well so many of them are true,, please go look at the site and read them ,, kitten is sure they will have a meaning to you as well, as with all things, we can adapt words to suit the situation and this kitten does

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
-George Bernard Shaw

this kitten reads as yes she is a slave but she is still human and she makes mistakes, these mistakes are what form a part of her, they make her kitten and she learns from them and grows,, she will still make mistakes but she knows that she will be forgiven and taught to move on from them, simple words mean so much at times..

for some more great quotes and other great reads please check out http://dennisharting.blogspot.com its on kittens to read list every morning, sometimes you read something that makes you sit and think, this blog does that for kitten

smile,, you never know who is watching you >^..^<

kitten is kitten,,, no more no less

Do you ever wonder about your life? About where and when it is going to go your way? When you will ever realise your dreams, your hopes? Your ambitions?

Its strange, kitten really though she was set for life,when she was with her previous Master, who was also her husband, she was happy and contented, things were ok, lol nothing is ever perfect is it and kitten served Him in everyway He demanded, some of the things kitten had to do have affected her in small ways and even now a word or a gesture can make the memories flood back, the other night was an example of that , then things changed, in a bad way, and kitten was in a place that she prays no slave or sub will ever be, she had to make a choice, her child or her Master.

It is one of the worst decisions kitten has ever made, she had no choice really, her child was dying ( kitten thanks god he is still with her and as well as he can be )and needed her so there was no contest, that in itself made kitten a bad slave in His eyes, this lead to years of not being good enough, not being worth anything, kitten was useless she was a failure lol kitten was so many things she is sure some of the words He actually made up.

Eventually kitten could take no more and He left, it was His choice though not kittens, kitten had been ignored sexually for so long it didn’t make any difference to her, He would take people home with Him, other subs and pleasure them in front of kitten and make her watch, all the time telling her she will never know the feeling of Him again as she was too fat/ugly/stupid to deserve it . Do you ever shut off inside your head ? where things said and done will not hurt you any more ? kitten became an expert at that, smiling, she used to write in her head, compose stories and poems while her expression was blankly watching ( had learnt early that to not watch was not worth the punishment received)

This is just one chapter in kittens life, it happened and there is nothing kitten can do about the past, maybe tomorrow she will tell you all about someone she meet who changed her, and in a way He is responsible for kitten being with her Master now, kitten cannot live in the past any more,, she has to look to the future but the past is something that shapes our future, it is something that makes us who we are

Kitten is kitten, no more no less, she is an owned slave and she serves her Master as best she can, yes she pisses Him off at times, but she also makes Him smile and she knows He laughs out loud at some of her kitteneze sayings, kitten has very few good friends, there is one she travels hand in hand with daily , kitten has a sister who she hopes to interact with eventually, who knows stranger things happen at sea

Kittens saying ,,,, Always remember who you are, to not be you is to pretend to be someone else

It makes kitten smile when she reads/hears of others misconceptions. Kitten knows that people form preconceived ideas and likes/dislikes to other people based on initial meetings but just lately she has seen those preconceived ideas enter into other things and to be honest she smiles when she hears of them
People seem to think that because kitten is online with her Master during the day and early evening that T/they do nothing but chat and interact, lol if only that was the truth! kitten can be online with Master for hours at a time and not a word spoken as He is busy, this is true for the day as well as the evening, and when kitten does get to talk to Him then invariably others would interrupt assuming that kitten had spoken to Him all day so kitten doesn’t get to interact with Him or have one to one time sometimes for days on end
An example is this week, Master has been busy with various projects and this kitten understands, she still craves that time spent talking but it has not happened, yet kitten is sure that people are under the impression that Master talks to kitten constantly ... one day this week, kitten and Master were online together for 13 hours, the total time spent talking amounted to less than 90 minutes, and that is not the first nor will it be the last time that happens kitten is sure
It seems to kitten that not everything is as it first appears and that is one thing that should be known, just because you think it doesn’t mean it is so... yes kitten is a slave to a poly Master and yes He will talk to kitten when He wishes and about what He wishes, but as with all things, its not all plain sailing and kitten would love to spend time with her Master on her own, but that is something she dreams of and knows happens only when others are not around to interrupt, either work, other projects or other slaves. All slaves are selfish in one way by craving time with the One who owns them, but all slaves need to learn to share if their Master is poly and that kitten does, a selfish slave who demands attention or throws her toys from the pram gets nothing, but by the same token a Master knows that all slaves have needs and wants, and does His best to see that all slaves are being cared for, even if it mean another slave getting her nose put out of joint

Past Present Future

There are many things that happen in life that hurt a person, and its strange how a simple conversation can bring those things back into your mind.
Kitten was having a conversation with her Master last night, He was teasing her, and the subject was in one way a normal one but as the chat went on, things started going through kittens mind, things from the past and it upset kitten, stupid she knows as Master had no knowledge and so was at a loss as to what was going on. The past has a way of invading the present and affecting the future, and if no one knows what is upsetting then they will invariably touch on that subject and re open old wounds, things which in theory you should be able to get over but as with all things, sometimes the hurt goes too deep and the easiest way is to shut it away in your head and try to ignore it, pray that it never happens again.
Kitten shut down last night, she took the pain, she became a ‘robot’ and let it take over her until she couldn’t take it any more and she became a ‘zombie’ if you like, she went through the motions, she did things automatically and with no thoughts or feelings, she could not explain to Master what was wrong and she still hasn’t, some things are best left in her head and no in the open, for the first time that she can remember kitten was glad Master was busy else where so He would not ask her questions, so He would not want to know what was wrong, lol the good thing was that the things kitten had to do needed no thoughts or interaction with others, that she doesn’t think she could have coped with without having a complete melt down.
Kitten wrote last night, she wrote of her pain, her feelings, her anger all things that she then destroyed it in the vain hope that this will make things disappear but she knows it won’t, she knows that the wrong word or the right question will bring it all back, so she is prepared, she is ready for it, but the question is,, will she be able to cope with it ?
Some things are best left in the past, unfortunately, the past shapes the present and the present determines our future,, so its all interlinked. We can change our own futures but the past that will always remain the same, and can we ever really get over the past ? kitten hopes so as her future depends on it

Is it enough ?

A slave has many uses to a Master, and they can range from being a house slave, a slave who helps a Master achieve His dreams, a slave who is there for emotional support, a sex slave, a same sex slave (one who will not have sex with Master but will engage at His request with other slaves He owns) but what if the type of slave you are is not enough? What if you know you are not desired by your Master as you want to be, you know He values you for certain things but He does not desire you sexually, will this be enough for you? Can you serve Him knowing you will never be used by Him?

Kitten knows that the feeling a slave feels for her Master are not just sexual but this forms a part of this life and if your Master shows no interest in you sexually then problems will occur. He will obviously be getting His needs met by others but what about you? A slave is told when to play and when to cum, yet if your Master doesn’t think of her needs then it can be and often is weeks at a time between Him remembering and more often than not it is at her reminder, this only serves to deflate a slaves feelings of self worth, she feels she is not valued or worth thinking about and this can and does lead to her doubting herself, if she is not worth a passing thought then what is she worth?

When you first get with a Master online then it is obviously difficult but in this age of cams, mics, and internet it need not be impossible, and if your sisters tell you that Master ‘ made them cum 12 times last night’ and you have not been played with at all, lol if her Master plays with those He doesn’t own but still not with you then you start to wonder what is wrong with you and question why, kitten knows that all slaves are individual but ultimately the basic needs of a slave should be remembered.

A slave has few needs and if she is a sexual person when her Master meet her and accepted her gift of submission then it stands to reason she will have desires and wants, things that form a part of her and those needs do not go away.

Question need to be asked and answered, this can be a major problem in any relationship not only in the M/s or BDSM life, but in this life the problems are more noticeable, if our Master does not want you,, can you really submit to Him ? Everyone has needs.

Jealousy in the family

Even if You have not suffered from a jealous rivalry between subs/slaves that You own or if you are a sub/slave and have never acted like a jealous vindictive spoiled kid against your sister you will still have probably heard that jealousy between subs/slaves can be a very powerful emotion leading to Doms/Masters having to deal with all sorts of unexpected "thrills." Neglected established slaves cannot get over the fact that they are not alone in Masters World compete against others in order to gain attention. This annoying situation can become an endless source of competition and rivalry between those You own.

Treat each sub/slave as unique individuals

Subs/slaves cannot expect to be treated the same. Giving exactly the same amount of love and attention is not always feasible and in many cases it is not even wise. This is made obvious when dealing with a slave who does enjoy pain and one who doesn’t ( just an example) If You take a flogger to one who hates pain that is a punishment yet to one who thrives on it then it becomes a pleasure.. Treating subs and slaves as individuals instead of equals can help them realise their place in Your life, it goes a long way to reducing the need in them to make comparisons with others that You own,, however a word of warning, the basic necessities are not to be ignored and that goes for their every day well being as well as their sexual needs.

Avoid comparisons at all costs

Never compare the acts of what one sister does with that of another! Instead of telling them what they should be doing by using an example like “your sister does this for Me and she does that for Me”,remind them what they are doing for You instead. Creating guilt in Your slave will never bring the desired results and You may find that You will be facing future resentments and grudges towards that slave as the feeling of never being as good as them will taint things they do.

Build on the unique skills of Your property

In order to build your slaves self-esteem, encourage her skills in a different way from that of her sister. Slaves who enjoy the outcomes of their special efforts are more likely to feel loved and not neglected. Set Your slaves successes apart and keep the necessary balance.Spend time alone with each slave Before regretting not spending more time with your slave, make this precious time your priority and focus on finding the time and the energy to explore the vast possibilities of spending some quality time together. This could be in idle chit chat, talking of Your hopes and dreams, listening to all her hopes and dreams ( and lets face it ,, they will be Yours as well if she is serving You well, Your needs are her first thought ) Engaging in one on one play time, all things that to a slave are precious