Trust

kitten wrote earlier about being good enough for Master, about believing she was not going to disappoint Him and that she would be fine, well how quickly things change

kitten knows she is still good enough, she knows that she is safe with Master but it seems that there are some out there who still want to play their games, games designed to hurt kitten, no to hurt me and in some ways that is worse. Things said and done are being done to me and i don't know why, games being played that i have no way of winning it seems, and there seems to be a few people sitting on the side lines waiting for it all to come crashing down.

Trust is something that i value, it is something that holds a relationship together, it is one of the corner stones of life if you like, along with respect, honesty and faith, and unfortunatly that trust was called into question last night, not me trusting Master but Him trusting me, i know He was only asking because of things said but it still hurt, and if i am honest it still does, guess those who went running to others got their wish, they got Him to doubt if only for a brief moment of time, and that was not right, i trust Him with all i am and i want Him to be able to trust me, i have not done anything to make Him doubt that trust, yet it seems others have and then it falls back to me, as i told Master yesterday, if certain things happen then i would tell Him straight away, fortunatly He did believe me, i guess half my trouble is that i try not to talk about my problems, and tend to keep them inside, i am not a me me me person like some are and therefore what is going on in my head stays there to either get shut away or grow bigger, old habits are really hard to break at times

so now i am sitting here, the questions i had yesterday still in my head and they unfortunatly are now joined by others, how do i get people to leave me alone ? how do i get them to realise this is MY life and it is what i want so badly, i am not a threat to anyone, hell most of the time i am scared of my own shadow and any way what good will it do them to keep causing me grief, i will ony leave if i am released and somehow i have a feeling that might not be happening any time soon, well not unless others don't stop causing trouble for Master and me, and then i think it might finally stop but at what cost to me ?

it seems that once again i am caught in the middle of an elaborate game being played by others, and as a final point to note, "sisterless" is not an option, i am here to stay until told otherwise, so please go play your games with someone else and leave me the hell alone