Master has finally gone to sleep, and after untangling myself gently so as not to wake Him i find myself unable to sleep, notice anything different about this post already ? i am me, not kitten and i have a feeling that is what is wrong, i feel disconnected somehow and to be honest i am not really sure why or how to get reconnected once more.
i seem to be struggling more and more with things and that scares me, there have been times in the past week when i have just wanted to scream at people for reasons that should not be my concern, but i find myself getting mad and having to walk away so as not to loose my cool. i see people pretending to be something they are not and wonder why, what is it they lack in their lives that make them want to do that? Being true to yourself and about yourself has been something i have tried to keep uppermost in my mind, no matter how hard it is at times i value honesty and all that goes with it.
i think one of the reasons for my feelings is my sister has flown 5000 miles to stay at a place not 50 miles from where i am living and she has not contacted me at all, i found out she was coming over by accident from another member of my family as she did not tell me and to know she is so close and yet will not talk to me because of the choices i made is hard to understand, i though family wanted their family to be happy and i am, but it seems happiness is something other people think they can dictate the terms of.
i know Master is worried about me, i am losing weight and have no appitite, i am now under orders that i must eat three times a day or no coffee allowed, and for me that is a huge loss, i live on coffee, i have dropped 3 dress sizes and even though i feel fine i cannot sleep and toss and turn all night, if i get 3 hours a night i am lucky, and its not doing me any good.
Its a times like this i miss my friends, people who i could talk to and know they would be there for me as i am there for them, ones who can help me see the wood for the trees, but that is not to be unfortunatly and while Master does His best, bless Him He is a man and a Master, He has compassion and sympathy for me but at the same time i will not keep burdening Him as He has enough on His plate so this is something i must work through on my own.
It seems to me that the real question needs to be, which do i need or want more, my Master or my family, as it doesn't appear that i can have both, and that is not my choice or Masters but theirs, and to be honest, its a hell of a choice to have to make, i made it once, and i have not regretted it but now it seems i must make it again.
Happiness come with a price and sometimes that price is a lot to pay.
3 comments:
My goodness, you do have a dilemna!
But always remember your Family will be there forever, you are related to them through blood. I don't think you can say the same for your Master!
If you do not like my comment, please do not chastise my opinion by leaving a comment on my blog!
It's been done and once is enough!
kitten values all opinions apart from the ones who attack her with no reason or no knowledge of her.
Think what kitten needs to realise is that if she goes home to family and friends she will go back to a life that she exists in whereas staying with Master means she can live - there reallly is not choice is there, kitten wants to live and Master makes her feel alive, so selfishly or not kitten is staying and hopefull one day family will come round, if they don't they will still be kittens family and have a place in her heart but just not a place in her life
Thank you Christina for your words
I would recommend meditation. Simple breathing exercises. It will relax you and take away some of your stress.
Family will always be there. It is sometimes hard fr people to understand what we need.
All I can say is... "what does your heart tell you"
Remember, in a weird way, we never please our family. There will always be something they dislike.
smile...
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