I Am Me - No More - No Less

I am me - no more - no less - just me

How many times have you heard me say that ? Yet still it is true, i am who and what i am, i am my Masters slave with all that entails, my life is confusing at time * hell a lot of the time its confusing* and there are times when things really make no sense to me yet still i am His.

I try hard to be all i can be for Him, even during the times we fight, and yeap we do argue but usually its not because of US as such but because i have a really bad habit of trying to defend others and that leads to more confusion as i see things and hear things which make me question and have doubts and issues with what is going on.

I have read all the things about online players, the games being played and i will be the first to admit that i have been a victim of some of those games, i served a Master online and i really thought he was real, i had a 'friend' who i told all my fears and doubts to - someone who i thought was a 'sister' to me, that is until i woke up and realised that i was just a means to an end, i was being used so she could get closer to him, i was a means to an end and she was just playing a game with me till she could get what she wanted. The Master i served was also playing a game, i fell for it in a big way, to the extent i was going to see him, to be with him, to serve him r/t which is what he said he wanted - that is until he realised it was getting closer to the time i was leaving, then he left, no more online, no more calls, no more anything for months.

I found out he was married with two children, and all that i thought we had was just a game to him, he was playing a fantasy to while away the time during his day and as for the friend, well she was playing the game as well, for both of them the chasing, the building of trust and the online fantasy was all they were looking for, they had no interest in real time, all they wanted was the fantasy.

I am now wary of people, i look beyond the things said, i look past the 'innocent' actions, i know people use me to get closer to my Master and that hurts, things from the past still have an effect on the present, i am nothing more than a means to an end for some people and i guess that is something i will have to get used to, people who claim to not like me suddenly want to know me, and i will admit i am wary of those.

I am told to just let things be, to not worry as it will all work out yet i hate being used. Maybe it is my fault, maybe i should just accept that i am a person to be trod on to get to the main event, someone who is disposable in the journey to what another wants

Not sure why i was thinking about games played this morning, guess its because even though he know i want nothing more to do with him the im 's still keep coming, he cannot see that i am owned and happy with my REAL MASTER - sometimes people cannot accept what is in front of them no matter how many times they see it.