Unrealistic Expectations

For the first time since i have been in the USA my phone rang more times than Masters, even on the beach everyone thought it was His phone ringing but it was mine but not one of the calls was the one i was hoping for, and that was the call from my daughter.

It seemed that today i was surrouned by people talking of their children and while i can understand that i just sometimes wish someone would think to ask about mine - i have children and they are a part of me, yet no one ever gives a thought to that. I know that people can be selfish but i seem to spend my time thinking of others and just once i want some one to think of me and what i am going through, maybe i am the selfish one, expecting others to have the same qualities that i have in regard to thinking of others and not themselves and what a certain action or deed will get them and time and time again i am left disappointed or annoyed as that is never the case. Don't take me wrong - i am no saint but even in the mist of all the upset i have been feeling and not being well still and in pain i still think of others.

I have told 3 people of my call from my daughter the other day, Master and two online friends, and bless her, one of them has been texting daily or on im to make sure i am alright and coping but its not the same as talking to a real live person is it ?

I have so many conflicting emotions right now, one minute i want to be here with Master as i know thats where i belong and the next i feel i need to be with my daughter and after what she said i sometimes doubt that is a possibility and even f it was that would mean leaving Master and that is not something i think i could do unless really forced to.

Time and time i lay in bed while He is sleeping and my head is spinning, my heart aching and tears falling silently down my face, hell even typing this and my eyes are filling up, i just feel so lost and yet each morning i wake Master with a smile plastered on my face and the pretence that all is ok in my world begins again, after all, He has so much on His plate that i am not going to burden Him further especially as there is nothing He can do that will make it all alright once more, this is my problem/turmoil/dilema to try to get through, and at the moment i am not sure what the outcome will be and that is a scary thing for me.