Trust and Faith

What is it about marks and bruises on my body that I really enjoy? Is it the intensity of the play ? The feeling of complete abandonment ? The trust and faith I give to the Dominant as He uses various things on my body, each one designed to make me want more ? Is it the feeling of submission, knowing that I am giving Him something that cannot be taken from me ?

I love the first strike, then as the scene progresses the 'burning' sensation that covers me, and if Master is concentrating on one area the sharp pain which turns to a hot ache as that area is struck repeatedly, yet as i lay there with my eyes closed and my hands bound i have no fear, i know deep inside that He will not hurt me and that sounds really weird as this Man is paddling me and whipping me hard enough to leave welt marks and raised skin, to bring the blood to the surface and almost cause it to flow but fear is never an emotion i think of in association with Him

I have at times made Him so cross that He is in my face shouting and swearing at me, He has banished me from His sight, He has walked away from me to calm Himself down or ignored me for hours on end - yet still i did not fear for my safety.

The faith and trust a slave puts in her Master, regardless of whether she is one who enjoys paddling or not is one of the basic foundations of this lifestyle, she has to trust that He will keep her safe and not hurt her, she has to have faith that even during the hight of play He will be in control enough to know what is enough for her, she is putting her life in His hands and she needs to believe that He will always do His best to protect and guide her, without the basic trust and faith in her Master these simple things become a struggle for the slave, she will have doubts and fears that unless she believes in Him 100% will not leave her and so taint the whole relationship.

People in any form of relationship need these basic foundations, but they are more important in a BDSM M/s relationship as there is an element of 'danger' in the play times, the whips and canes can do real damage to a person and unless you have complete faith in your Master you will not allow yourself the freedom to explore all that this lifestyle can hold.

There are times when things are said and done and that trust and faith is shaken, doubts creep in and confusion takes over but deep down, in the very core of a person there has to be trust, without that there is no moving forward, no growing, no relationship.

Just as important for a submissive to trust the Dominant it is vital that the Dominant trusts the sub - its a two way street. If the Dominant doesn't trust or have faith in the submissive it causes untold problems. If he is one that always looks to her to blame regardless, always sees her as the one in the wrong, prejudging her without cause or question then that trust is missing and that is a step on the road to relationship ruin. Just as a submissive needs to have faith and trust in her Dominant then he also needs to have the same. Its how a relationship works .................

Change

Change is something everyone looks for in their life. Whether it be living standards, job situation, advancement, having a family or a host of other things, we as people look to change as that allows us to grow and move onwards to being the person we want to be.

In the BDSM world we look at subs/slaves growing, expanding their limits, their knowledge, their depth of service, any number of things really. The emphasis is on them growing and learning more, being more, submitting more to their 'One'. This is something we all want to do and strive to learn the lessons being taught, the tasks set are there to help us. The rules and boundries there to guide us.

What about the Dominants though ? When all the emphasis is on the submissive to change who and what they are, their behavior and demeanor, alter some things that have either been taught or are habits learnt over the years then what about the Dominants ? Who tells them that they need to change as well ?

If a submissive says to a Dominant that his behavior is wrong, that something he is doing or not doing is damaging to them, that how be treats or interacts with them is not what was promised then she is accused of topping from the bottom yet who else really knows that person better than the one serving them ?

I can understand and accept that a lot of times Dominants do things ' Just because they can' whether thats in how they interact ( or don't interact in some cases ) with their submissives, be it in how they treat them, talk to them, set rules and tasks that are virtually impossible to test them it doesn't make it right does it ? Some times the " I can so I will " attitude is blinding them to what they actually are doing to themselves, the submissive and the relationship. Being a Dominant is not a free pass to being a god. By the same token its not an excuse to be an ass either.

All people need to change, for the Dominant to instruct the submissive to change and grow and learn is a wonderful thing if done in the right way. It opens them up to new experiences and learning possibilities. Done in the wrong way with anger and abusive language, with no guide lines and no support and concern for them is a one way street to disaster as all it will do is destroy the self esteem and self worth of the submissive, leaving them nervous and anxious that no matter what they do will be wrong.

In my experience all submissives want to be their best, they strive long and hard to be pleasing and 'worthy' of their Dominant ......... unfortunatly that is not true for all Dominants, the attitude is they are perfect and never in need of learning and changing themselves and especially not for a submissive - hell have even heard the words said ' I am a Master so what do I need to change for, if you don't like it there are plenty more out there who will do as I tell them, when I tell them and how I tell them with no questions asked'

So who tells the Dominant that their behavior needs changing ?

Psychological Damage

I was reading a post the other day about safety and play etc. One of the sections dealt with psychological damage that can be done to a submissive during play, how pushing them during a scene can cause untold damage if they are not in the right frame of mind. This got me to thinking ........ what is psychological damage and why do people assume its only done during play scenes ? What about the damage a Dominant can and does do to a submissive during 'normal' everyday interaction ?

There are some people who enjoy humiliation play during a scene, they enjoy being degraded and called names etc DURING A SCENE as they know tht what is being said is not how the Dominant really feels towards them, but if they were to be called those names outside of the scene then the damage done to the slaves self esteem and sense of self worth would be great - that is psychological damage.

How about the promises that a Dominant makes to his submissive, and then breaks then continually, does that not also become psychological damage ? After all the submissive is supposed to trust and have faith in the Dominant so if things said and promised are continually broken or ignored then does that not lead to damage to the submissive ?

As a form of punishment some Dominants choose to ignore their subs/slaves, but what if they choose to ignore them for no reason, is that not classed as psychological damage ? After all it is a submissives wish to interact and communicate with her Dominant, its something all the posts say, communication is key and vital, so to remove that for no reason is damaging to both the submissive and the relationship.

Psychological Damage is something that is done to the mind, it can be something that happens in a scene just once or it can be repeated behavior towards a person over a length of time. Both of them leave lasting marks and unlike the marks left by a whip or a crop these take longer to heal. The trust takes longer to rebuild, the actions take longer to forget and submissives especially are living in fear of the pattern and behavior being repeated over and over ........

People say that no one can make another person feel something, be that fear, uncertainty, unworthyness, desperation etc etc but that is not true. When a person has been treated in a certain way over a period of time that behavior is leads to feeling within another person......... kick a dog everytime you see it and before long that dog will cower every time it sees you......... the same goes for a person, display certain behavior towards another and they will expect it all the time - good and bad ....... and the bad is how psychological damage is caused..........

Sometimes

Expectations

What as a sub/slave is realistic to expect from "your" Dom or Master ?

What really is an expectation ?

Is it something that you as a submissive wish for or is it something that is expected or is it merely something that the Dom/Master says and you hold them to it ?

I am someone who places a lot of faith in words and actions, believing that the words really do need to match the actions as otherwise do the words not become meaningless ?

When I am told that something is going to happen, that something is going to be such and such a way I tend to believe that as I am being told something from the other persons own free will and so have no reason to expect any different. In fact I have many times tried to give them an 'out' as it was so that if they could not do what they have said then they can say so from the beginning.

So is it an unrealistic expectation to want what is said to be what happens ?

No its not, its hoping and wishing that the actions match the words ................

Strong

Laying The Groundwork

When you travel through the many BDSM and M/s D/s blogs available online one of the common themes that seems to be mentioned a lot is that communication is vital between all parties involved. Primarily before the 'relationship' can move forward both parties talk, work together with regard to limits, expectations, desires, needs, rules etc etc. This is the foundation for all relationships and hopefully helps to build a strong and stable base for all. If the differences are too vast then obviously the people involved can and should make an informed choice as to whether to try to proceed forward or the things wanted by either party are too different to make things work so that both parties are happy.

Thats in the beginning of the relationship. Hopefully this will set the groundwork for all future communication and help to strengthen the relationship.

So what happens when/if things go wrong ?

What happens is things get to the stage that the Master and slave split up because the foundation of their relationship has changed and one party is no longer happy and not getting their needs met? What happens if both parties decide that it is better to separate temporarily with the hope of rebuilding what they had ? What happens to that first initial communication ?

If the above circumstances are true, the separation is temporary and both parties have a deep love for each other and the desire for the M/s relationship to work, then does the slave have the 'right' to say what it is she wants/needs/desires/expects from the Master ? After all, they have an intimate knowledge of each other, they know each others quirks and habits, BUT they also know each others flaws and behavior patterns so is the slave allowed to voice what she is looking for from the Master so previous problems are alleviated and addressed to ensure that both parties come back together stronger and happier ?

People are quick to advise new subs and slaves to talk and set out basics when meeting a potential new Dom or Master yet no one seem to feel the same applies to a relationship that has broken and the parties involved are seeking to repair it. Surely the Master and slave involved SHOULD talk and work out what went wrong and what each feels helped towards the split ? Were there other people involved ? Did behavior towards each other change ? Were needs being met and if not then in what way ? What are they looking for in each other ? What expectations do they have moving forward ?

All to often its easy for the Master to place all the blame on the slave, after all He is Master so how He decides to treat the slave is up to Him. As the Dominant it is His prerogative to decide and use the slave as He sees fit and thats fine IF the slave is happy and fulfilled being treated that way. If not then if a break up and a reconciliation is being worked on the slave needs to be able to say what it is she is looking for from the Master. What He neglected/changed/altered to bring them to the currant state just as the Master has the right to state what about the slave He wants different. After all, this is the first step in the building of a strong foundation if the parties involved are new to each other so why should it be different if they are trying to reconcile ?

I am not stupid enough to think that things will not change in life. Life does not stand still and circumstances do change. People grow and things agreed and talked about in the beginning might not be relevant 5 years down the line. BUT and heres the thing, if things go wrong and one party is not happy then they should have their voice heard and that voice should be listened to and heard. They should not be degraded and humiliated and told they are topping from the bottom. They should be talked to and worked with. If there are behavior problems then they should be addressed and corrected not ignored and then thrown into their face at a later date. Rebuilding a relationship takes a lot of work, just as maintaining a relationship takes a lot of work. All to often its easy to blame the submissive as otherwise it means the Dominant has to look at their behavior and what THEY did wrong and accept and learn from it, not an easy thing for them to do. The slave should be able to state what it is she wants/needs/desires from the Master. To ask questions and get honest answers. To be able to say what she see for the future and whether that is something He wants as well otherwise what is the point in proceeding ? If the end goal for both of them is different? Where does that leave the relationship if its being build on misconceptions and going in different directions and the 'end' result is not the same for both ?

Love is a great first step in rebuilding a deep and meaningful relationship but it also takes communication, commitment, hard work, self examination, growth, honesty, faith and no outside interference to make it work. When all these are present then yes I do believe it can be worked on and fixed and the result is a stronger, healthier relationship.

Trust

There are many things I am passionate about, many things I will go to bat for and a few people I will defend and support to the end of the earth regardless of whether I think they are in the right or wrong.

Sometimes that loyalty is misplaced, I know this. How do I know ? Mainly 'cos when I defend or tell someone that what they ell me is in confidence and will not be shared, I am giving them my word that that is the case, I will not try to 'score' points with another and will not use what is said for my own gain.......... However ......... that is not always the case with other people...... and that to me is something I really cannot understand.

If a persons word is their bond why do so many people renegade on that ? Why does the mouth say something when they have no intention of actually being true to their word when as soon as an opportunity present itself they do something completely different ?

I must admit I do get confused and upset by how people act and behave, after all there really is no need. If scoring points or getting revenge is the motive at least be upfront and direct about it.
All too often people use other people for their own ends and leave a wake of hurt and saddened people behind them. Their motive is self gain and usually the self gain is only evident to themselves.

Trust is something i have a hard time giving to people - usually 'cos they have used or hurt me in some way in their pursuit of the 'prize' what ever that may be to them. In their wake they have caused me trouble and anguish, tears and sorrow and a lot of times blame and recriminations. After all if something appears one way stands to reason that is how it will e perceived by another person until proof and evidence points to the guilty party.

Guess the reason I am writing all this mumble jumble is to ask people to look around them, to realize that what they do affects people in ways they cannot imagine. Passing on things told in confidence or read or written hurts more people than just the one you are trying to either influence or get revenge on .. innocent people are left by the way side and for what ? For the need to be 'the one' or the desire to live a certain way with a certain person ? Is the animosity and hurt you leave really worth it ? And if you feel it is............ does that make you a good person ?

People See What They Want To See

How often have you been introduced to someone or heard something about them and formed an opinion of the,, a preconceived idea of them ? When you have preconceived ideas it stops you actually seeing the person for who and what they are. They might act a certain way with others but do we ever really know the full reasons why ? Was it something someone done to them ? They done to the other person? Does it affect how they are with us ?

Sometimes we get into a habit of only viewing a person a certain way and that limits us in our behaviour towards them, we are unable to see past our impressions regardless if they are true or false. We hear how someone else things or views a person and we take that as how they are.

Take a look at the person and not the gossip and rumors that surround them, after all opinions are one persons perspective on a certain thing, doesn't mean to say its the right perspective ...............

Look In The Mirror

How many people look in a mirror and really see themselves ? See what other people see ?
Do you ever look really hard and see the bags under your eyes ? Why are they there ? Stress ? Tiredness ? Worry ?
What about the lines on your forehead - What put them there ? Stress ? Worry ?
The smile you plaster on your face - Does it reach your eyes ? Does it light up your face or is it a mast placed there to fool people ?

So many times we look in a mirror and see what we want to see, we see what we want other people to see, few times do we actually look and see what is there, what is inside of us.

A person on the outside can see the things we 'gloss' over, the things we try to hide. They are there just hidden from ourselves ................

Whats in a Name ?

There seems to be a pre exisiting thought that a Master owns slaves and a Dom owns subs - why ? Why does the Master/Dom only own a certain type of person ? A person can be submissive yet not be a slave, in fact if truth be told there are few that actually make good slaves, and at times i count myself amongst those that are not good slaves, does this mean that i cannot be owned because i am not always a slave ?
Depending on the situation we are in, Master will say i am a sub and we are in a D/s relationship, othertimes i have been reffered to as His room mate and sometimes i am not reffered to as anything, just kitten, does this mean that i am not His at those times ?

I see so many claiming to be slaves and maybe some of them are, but how would they know if they are or not if they have never been owned or have only been owned in a D/s situation where the exchange of power is limited ? Can they really be slaves ? Are they subs ? Who cares any way ?

I am often told that i am too hard on the new ones, the young ones who claim that this is the life they need to complete them and make them whole, that they will serve a Master in all ways, willing to be used by the Master etc etc and after two weeks they are planning to move and be with that Master without really knowing anything about Him, His situation, what He likes to eat, drink, His hobbies, His interests etc etc, How can you serve a person you know nothing about ? How can anyone just up and leave their present situation with only brief interactions with a person they have only been speaking to for a couple of weeks ? What are they running away from ? What are they hoping that this new relationship will solve for them ? Do they know the details of the exisiting relationships ? Are they willing or able to be a part of that persons life in all ways ?

To be a slave is more than being a few holes to fuck, it takes commitment and dedication, it takes trust, faith, understanding, belief, it involves being a part of the bigger picture, wanting the Master to succeed, to achieve His dreams and goals, it takes knowing the person who you are submitting to - things that you cannot really understand until you know that person. A prostitute is a hole to screw, a hand is a way that a Master can get sexual relief but a slave needs to be so much more than either of them and that is where i have a problem, and yes i know that there will be some people sitting reading this saying i am too judgemental and maybe i am, but it takes a lot to be a slave and i really can't see how anyone can claim that title after talking for a few weeks to someone.

We read all the time about fakes and players, it comes from both side of the equation, the Doms and Masters who are not real and the subs and slaves who are just relieving the boredom. i do not claim to know all the details of everyones life, maybe they are in a bad situation and submitting to someone is the only way they can live their life, and if thats the case, good luck to them, but to give up everything within a month or so to be with a person you have only just started talking to is stupid - we all know that people can and do say the right thing when its only brief interactions, yet a 24/7 situation is so very difficult and very hard as well, ask any wife or real slave and they will tell you the same

To call yourself a sub or slave is a persons right, to submit to someone who you really don't know is also their right, to instal yourself into the lifes of others without really knowing what you are getting into is your right as well and if they choose to believe all they are told then that is their perogative.

Call yourself a slave, call yourself a sub, call yourself a Dom or Master, call yourself bi sexual or poly - it really does not matter, being any of those things takes time, work and understanding of what is involved, i would not call myself a rocket scientist without first learning what it is to be one, something i think some people might be well advised to understand, to be something first you have to know and understand what it is and what it involves ..............

Another Step Closer

Another step closer to getting the all clear - i had another procedure yesterday to get rid of the precancerous cells which seem to want to stay in my body, hopefully third time is a charm and that will be the end of it, i can only hope that the next appointment in a months time will give me the all clear we have been praying for.

i think the measure of a good Master can be found in many ways, and in my case i have a Master who cares deeply for me, His caring and support through this has been amazing, He has been tough on me when i was uncertain, taking the responsibility for my health into His own hands and laying down rules and boundries that help me, He has supported me and held me in His arms when i was afraid and when i was being a brat He didn't just punish me, He looked at the reasons i was being brattish and dealt with those first, then corrected those reasons, sometimes with a punishment and sometimes with a shoulder to lean on. Its hard being a Master and knowing what to do in any given circumstance.

There have been a few people over the years we have been together i would like to have beside me while i went through all this, if for no other reason so i could talk to them and ease some of the burden from Master but as has been discovered they are not interested in me as such, more in what being friends with me can do for them in regard to getting brownie points with Master, its sad but true, and so the bulk of the comforting and care is coming from Master, He said that is His job and one He does not object to doing, it is His responsibility to care for me as i care for Him, life has no guarentees but i can guarentee He will be there for me * which made me cry, He said it while i was still emotional about having more bits cut out of my body, told Him that He should not say things like that till i am feeling more like the fiesty kitten He is used to ! *

Master sat talking to people on im last night while i lay on the floor by His feet, that is somewhere i feel comfortable, its daft i know but its as if the pain in my body is lessened by being near the strength in His body, He put needles in my arms last night as well, He had said if i was good He would as He knows it is a treat for me, and so i slept on the floor with needles in and i felt safe and protected, it was as if He was telling me without words that everything would be ok, He bathed my head when i was burning up with fever and He tended to the blood when He removed the needles before i went to bed.... He cared for me in a way that few people have ever done and if possible it made me realise a bit more that no matter what happens He does love me and He will protect me and keep me safe.

Talking to Master has made me realise that for the first time ever i want more, i need more, i want to go further into submission with Him, something i have never desired before, i want to experiment with the dark side of BDSM and M/s, i want to go to the extreme with Him and this is both scary and exhilirating, i crave blood play, i want to experiment with the more extreme types of bondage and beatings. He is working out how to build a cage for me to be placed into, somewhere i can go when the world is getting too much, i am looking forward to that, a safe place that He has made for me. The way i speak to Him is changing as well, i am more obedient and the tone of my voice has changed, i am not a mindless robot but i am someone who will answer Him with respect and i have to ask now for things that were automatic for me, like getting a drink or going to bed, things i said i was going to do previously i know have to ask for if He is here, if He is at work then i do not bother Him with silly things, He trusts me enough to know that i know the difference between what i should do and what i am doing.

this went on a bit and i am sorry, so much in my head and it all seems to spill out through my fingers, and to be honest i am not sure if it made sense to anyone but me,

Lip Service

There was an instance the other week which has confused and in some ways annoyed me. Master had been speaking to another 'slave' about our life and who and what we were, this was a local person whom we had met briefly last year and happened to meet her again on a site we belong to.
Im conversations moved to phone chats which led to her being invited around to meet me as well and to see if there was a 'spark' between us all and this was met with her approval, she knew Master is poly and that i was a part of His life, there were no secrets or misrepresentations on His part at all. The lady in question came over, she was nice and friendly and we seemed to get on really well, from my perspective any way. She was told that this is a poly relationship, she said that was something she had experience with and liked the idea of being part of a bigger family, it was explained that she would have time with Him on her own as would i and that we would share time together as a unit, that there was no one slave more important than the other.
That day she came over we ended up playing, it was something she was wanting and everyone had a good time. Afterwards we all sat and talked some more and invatations to come over anytime she liked were issued, which she accepted with enthusiasm.
Over the next two weeks i heard nothing from her, Master was treated to brief im messages with no content to really speak of, she was in fact doing the exact opposite of what she had said she wanted and was treating us as she had said she hated being treated herself................why ?
The reason i am telling you this is that with words there needs to come actions, if she was not interested then why pretend she was ? i really fail to see what she was hoping to achieve unless it was to get screwed and played with to satisfy an ache she might have had....
It seems that more and more people are 'pretending' to be something they are not, pretending to want something they really don't, and pretending to have a desire for this life which is in fact just based on having kinky sex, why do people think they can play with others feelings and emotions and get away with it ? Why do people think that they can do or say what they like and it does not bother them ?
Guess its back to the drawing board, i know there is a person out there that wants a poly relationship with Master and He deserves to find that person, and when He does then they will have their biggest supporter in me - provided they are real

Kitten Thoughts and Feelings

I know its been awhile since i last posted, so much has happened and to be honest the time has flown by.
Padrone took me to a Bon Jovi concert, it was amazing and i can honestly say that i feel in love with another man - Jon !!
We are moving deeper into BDSM play, i am now a firm fan of needles, lol to the extent that i don't want them removed and so He allows me to wear them daily, He places them in me and then leaves them there for hours at a time, i love them and the next thing He is going to do is knife play, the thought of trusting Him enough to cut me is heady, its something i never thought i would ever crave but now i find i am begging for it, i or rather we are going into more extreme and He is pushing my limits to the stage they are crumbling at His feet.
Talking about feet, i have found that that is where i love to sit, we don't have to talk, i just feel better when i am at His feet, i sleep on the floor by Him while He is working and it just feels right * ok that sounds stupid but it just feels as if i belong there * i sleep easier and i feel safer - i know its all in the mind but honestly is that not where a lot of a slaves behaviour comes from - her mind ?
My health is still being a problem, i hate that things are still not right and so i try to block it out, i hate talking to Him about it, and that has been the one main bone of contention between us, He insists on being with me for the next procedure and i just want to go on my own, but He also knows me well enough to know i would proberbly not have it done, hhmmm sometimes a Master knows His slave too well !!
Life is a funny thing, it happens whether you want it to or not, i have a full - sometimes over full - life and there are times i struggle with what i am, it seems that there are times there is just not enough of me to go around, yet when i lay in His arms at night when things get to much for me, or i am laying on the floor by His feet i know i am home, i am where i need to be.

One Year On

Well i have been here a year now, been Padrones property real time for exactly a year and in that time there has been a lot of changes.
I have seen people come and go, some i miss and some not as much. I have watched Him battle with His desicion about this lifestyle when He got involved with a vanilla person, wached the heartache He faced when she gave Him a choice, her or this life, He chose the life and i pray its not something He will ever regret. I have struggled and fought my way through some bad moments, some times when i wondered what the hell i was thinking of to give up everything for a dream, a 'fantasy' yet through it all we remained consistant and strong, the arguments not lasting long and each one giving us a clearer understanding of each other.
This life is not an easy one but it is a full one, it can and is great when it works, yet like all lifestyles it takes work and trust, faith and commitment and you can weather the storms, you can survive all that is thrown at you, you just need to know that this is what you both need/desire/want.
All too often you see this life depicted in a series of sex pictures, lol if only that was true, but its not, its about being committed, having trust, faith, hope, dreams,desires, needs, wants, and doing the dishes !!
If this is the life you truely want then i will support you, help you, guide you and encourage you - if this is a game to you then i will wish you well and hope you have fun. Everyone seeks different things from this lifestyle, for me it was an all or nothing deal, and i have it all and am so very happy

Why Do People Have Cyber Courage ?

The other day i was talking to a friend and they asked me what i had done - i was confused. Done ? in what way ? What was she talking about ? Well it seems a 'mutal' friend had displayed cyber courage once more and written about certain things, in a veiled way of course and with inferred references instead of actually coming out and saying anything but those who know me and that person both know who she was reffering to.
What really surprised me was this person approached me and started talking to me, not the other way around, and this same person spent 40 minutes bad mouthing her former Master and blaming everything on Him and others but never themselves, in their minds they are totally blameless.
Not once in that whole 40 minutes did this person ask after my health, even knowing that i have been having tests for cancer, not once did the conversation go to anything except herself and her woes etc etc yet she posts she cannot talk to me !!!
I am really surprised at how different people view the same conversation and said as much to my Master, i will admit i was pissed, furious in fact as this person has cyber courage yet when talking to me is all sweetness and light, the two facedness is something i find really hard ti understand.
I know we are all self serving at times but come on, show some respect for others, if you have something to say at least have the courage of your beliefs and tell them to their face, i so wanted to go to this other person and tel them a few home truths, clear the air but i was forbidden to do so, and so i ended up having an agrument with Master which i am sure if they had known would have pleased them !
I know there are times i am opinionated and i shoot from the hip, if people do not like what i have to say that is fine, it is my view or opinion and if you ask me something i will tell you and not lie to you unlike some will, i am confident in my self and my position with my Master that i do not need validation from others yet i am still human and if attacked i will strike back when pushed into a corner, if you don't like that then i suggest you either talk to me and bitch and moan at me or you keep quiet, posting stuff across the internet only makes you look stupid * as this is proberbly making me look right now but i am fed up with people thinking they can take pot shots at me for no reason*
Cyber courage is a wonderful thing, it makes a person look pathetic, and from what i was told * i refuse to read what was written as then i really would be feeding into their delusions* this was a cyber post which achieved nothing except to make them look petty

I am Submissive

I am submissive, i am an owned slave, i live 24/7 with my Master in a TPE relationship.
No matter what social site i am on the above sentance forms part of my profile, it is who and what i am, that does not change. So why then do 'new' people who interact with Master seem to think i am going to 'Dom' them as well ? To me it just shows the total lack of understanding of what a submissive is. I have no desire to be a switch, its not in my make up, i am submissive to my Master and i do as i am told sexually but at the same time He knows that i am not one to swop from being a sub to a dom just because some fruit loop online has desires to e 'taken' by a man and woman together.
All too often i see online people talk about how they want to be used and abused, monkey sex 24/7 and be dominated sexually, often times they get with a Master who already has a slave and seem to think that their wants and needs are the only thing that the Master is going to fulfill, to the point of Him telling those He already owns to do what the new one wants because she is new and learning. This is not how things should be, well in my opinion any way and as i am the one writing this its my opinion that counts.
A Master has an obligation to those He owns to make sure all her needs and desires are also being fulfilled, telling her to crawl around on all fours and bark does not make her a dog the same as telling her to take a flogger to a new one does not make her a switch, if she has no desire to do this and she finds it hard to actually comprehend then why would she be told to do something that goes against the grain of her very being ?
All too often when a new one comes along the facination of a new pussy, the golden hole is very strong for a Master and He seems to block out everything and everyone else out, this can and does cause damage to those already part of the 'family'. While i understand the need to spend more time with the new one to teach her and mentor her a good Master should also realise that the chances of her actually being 'real' and interested in this way of life are very slim once the initial sex fest has worn off, and if He is not careful then He will have caused irrepairable damage to the existing real slave He owns (owned). And to be fair its not always His fault, new ones coming into an existing relationship often feel they have to manipulate and monopolize the Masters time and attention because they feel inferior - this again leads to Him ignoring the basic needs of those already under His control.
A lot is said about subs and slaves not being able to handle poly and the arguments and jealousy that results from it but in my honest opinion not all Masters/Doms can handle it either, they do not understand that while they might be having fun with the new one all the time they are failing to attend to the others in the family, and that is where the problems start.
To be poly takes a certain quality in a person and that goes for ALL involved whether its a sub/slave or Master/Dom, there ae certain things that should not be overlooked as when things go pear shaped many will find themselves all alone with nowhere to turn.

Finally Back

Well i survived, after a week away from home for personal reasons i am back and i will be the first to admit i am glad. It seems that in less than a year this is now home to me, its where i want to be in my life and for good or bad the week apart from Master has had its good points and its bad.

I am in a way glad for the separation, it has helped bring us to a place where we need to be, all to often things go 'stale' and a slave gets taken for granted, if they are always there then how can a Master really appreciate all that they do for them ? The same goes for a Master, if He is constantly looking out for His property then how can she know what to do when He is not there ?

There has been a lot going on in our lives this past month and that has added to stress on both parties, hell my face tells its own tale with my eyes being nearly swollen shut with stress related sties and its been painful to say the least. There comes a time when you need to step away, take a backward step to figure out where the hell you are going and the reasons why, i know i have hadmore than a few of those moment this past month and no matter how much Master says it will all be ok and things will be fine i could not see the wood for the trees surrounding me and that scared me, would it be ok ? would things be better than they have been this past few months ? is this really what Master wants or needs in His life ? So many questions and me without an answer to any of them, just having to cope as best i can and pray things work out so He is happy and if they do then at what cost to me and my happiness ?

Sometimes stepping back is the only option and sometimes it seems there is no way forward but with faith and trust in your Master you carry on and pray that things are this way now for the eventual better outcome, are things different now ? have they improved ? will there be happiness for all involved ? i don't really know at the moment all i can do is wait and hope

Stand

I have just finished reading a book called The Freedom Writers Diary and it is an inspirational book with so much inside it but one thing that 'spoke' to me is a poem one of the teenagers wrote to read to the then Secetary of Education Richard Riley .................

Stand

Stay Black
Stay Proud
Stay White
Stay Proud
Stay Brown
Stay Proud
Stay Yellow
Stay Proud

Don't be afraid to be what you are
'cause all you can be is you
You'll never be anything else but you,
So be the best you,you can be
Keep it real
By all means
at all times

Whether a lawyer, a doctor, a football player,
A toilet cleaner, a garbage handler, a panhandler -
Keep it real
And still ---
Be the best you can be

Have pride, have dignity, stand
Stand proud, talk proud, act proud, be proud!

Don't lay down
back down
bow down
run away
sell out yourself, sell into criticism

Be real and realise that the ones who criticize,
best recognize that you are you -
take it or leave it .

"MMM HMM"
I knew you'd get it.
Get what ?
The stuff -
the stuff called pride, that attitude, that aura,
your identity, your self, your pride, peace of mind,
worry free.

See I can't be you, but I'm a damn good ME !