Kitten is not running

For the last few weeks things have been happening in kittens life that she did not like, people trying to manipulate her and as a result she closed her blogs and in one way closed herself off as well, but she has had enough now.

In a few weeks kitten will be where she belongs, with who she belongs and then things will either get better or worse, but if they get worse then kitten knows she has her Master and her sister beside her to help keep her focused on what is important and what is just others causing trouble.

kitten is fed up with running and this is the first step to stopping, hell you would think at kittens age she would be old enough and wise enough to be able to deal with what is going on but as was once said, " When you get knocked down enough times you learn to accept the view from the floor"
and kitten is used to that view, its only because Master refuses to let kitten accept it that she is trying to stand up once more, and its on shaky legs that she does so

kitten was given an article last night, and it summed her up to perfection, lol she was also told she was normal, not sure that bit was right but who knows, this is what kitten was sent

When introverts are stressed, they withdraw. They do this to recharge their batteries, not because they are neurotic. Introverts need time alone to bring order back into their inner world. They give energy to others and receive energy when alone.

Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries. If denied time alone, you may become irritable and depressed.

Introverts fear failure in public and experience deep humiliation because of it. If the teacher grabs you for a demonstration of a new skill or your spouse puts you on the spot to put a bicycle together it can be extremely stressful.

• Introverts prefer to communicate in writing. They may feel exhausted by too much verbal communication that “isn’t going anywhere”. Introverts hate small talk.

• Introverts like to be prepared. If rushed to present a solution or opinion, they may be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes refuse to do so at all.

Introverts need to spend at least half their time alone for optimal good health

• Introverts love long trips, walks in nature and usually enjoy the company of animals. These activities restore their peace of mind and equilibrium.

• Introverts give energy when they are with people and need to be alone to recharge their batteries.

• Introverts need a room of their own with a door that closes.

• Introverts need to give themselves permission to communicate via email or in writing and to ignore a ringing phone (get a good answering machine).

• Decision making should take place without time pressure if possible. Introverts like to be prepared!

The scary thing is, can a slave be like this ? can she need the solitude to recharge and still be a slave ? The answer is yes she can with the right Master.

kitten was not always like this and who knows maybe she will not always be like this but at the moment this is how kitten is, as she said the view from the floor is acceptable to her, trouble is Master and her sister will not allow it and that is one battle kitten knows she will lose,

so for now kitten is back, she is here and she is fighting for herself, for her right to be Masters kitten and for her need to be His,

A Good Day

Today has been a good day, things seemed to be on an even keel, there was one point kitten felt herself fighting against herself and her thoughts but that was soon pasted over, shut away and apart from the brief moment it was allowed to escape it is now forgotten, and that is how it needs to be, it is something kitten learning to control more, and with that contol comes an uneasy peace, fragile but needed.

kitten knows there are things she needs to work out, and these things are kittens to deal with, there is no other help to be had, as the thoughts are something inside kitten and the feelings they produce are things kitten and kitten alone needs to work on, to not feel is to be dead, but to feel too much is to slowly kill yourself, there is a fine line that needs to be walked at times.

kitten was asked why she had so many negative feelings about meeting Master and that made her think, she really wants to be with Master, and if He is there all the time all well and good and if He isn't then that is good as well, kitten does not feel negative about being with Him, she is churning with excitement inside, ok the grief with family does nothing to help her she will admit but that is nothing new, and kitten is so looking forward to being with Him, she is scared though, scared she will not be good enough, or she will fail Him in some way, frightened that He will not like her once she is there, worried He will grow bored with kitten within days, nervous about whether she can look her best * or as good as she can look* for Him at all times, silly things but with the other things in kittens head they just add to the confusion and worry.

Anyone gathered by now kitten is a worrier ?

kitten is wrting a list now, a list for her, on this list are 5 things that kitten needs to do daily, they are simple things but they are things kitten needs to do, all designed to boost kittens confidence, to help her improve herself and she is going to do the list daily until she no longer needs the list as they are part of her routine, this for kitten is the first step towards dispelling some of the fears she has, in 75 days kitten will be with Master, that gives kitten 75 days to improve her views of herself, she knows it will not be easy, lol she is already expecting a set back next week when ex comes round, but kitten has her list, she will do it daily and hopefully she will not disapoint Master, god kitten really prays she doesn't, ok that was not a good thought, its gone now, put away again

Fear

Fear is a powerful emotion, it can take over your life if you let it and at times there is nothing you can do to stop it, i am scared of many things, some rational and some totally irrational but in both cases the fear is the same, the quickning of your heart, the dizzy feeling as you struggle to breath slowly and not hyperventilate, the shaking of your body and the cold sweat that sits on your skin.

There is a big difference between being scared of something and being in fear of somethng, and this i know all to well, i have always refused to do ass to mouth, this is something kitten hates, it beings back things in her head and they are not feelings and thoughts she wants but last night she promised this in exchange for not having something else, so what is the difference ? well ass to mouth kitten is scared of * illogical she knows but it simply is * and the other thing she is in fear of * and that is also illogical but not something she can help*

Re reading this, it sounds like that ravings of a mad person, and the swopping from i to kitten and back again, guess the struggles go on, i need to be kitten and then things will be fine, kitten will be fine. it is only when i am me that i find myself lost without my anchor, Master is my anchor, and i hope to god His shoulders are broad enough for the weight