A Good Day

Today has been a good day, things seemed to be on an even keel, there was one point kitten felt herself fighting against herself and her thoughts but that was soon pasted over, shut away and apart from the brief moment it was allowed to escape it is now forgotten, and that is how it needs to be, it is something kitten learning to control more, and with that contol comes an uneasy peace, fragile but needed.

kitten knows there are things she needs to work out, and these things are kittens to deal with, there is no other help to be had, as the thoughts are something inside kitten and the feelings they produce are things kitten and kitten alone needs to work on, to not feel is to be dead, but to feel too much is to slowly kill yourself, there is a fine line that needs to be walked at times.

kitten was asked why she had so many negative feelings about meeting Master and that made her think, she really wants to be with Master, and if He is there all the time all well and good and if He isn't then that is good as well, kitten does not feel negative about being with Him, she is churning with excitement inside, ok the grief with family does nothing to help her she will admit but that is nothing new, and kitten is so looking forward to being with Him, she is scared though, scared she will not be good enough, or she will fail Him in some way, frightened that He will not like her once she is there, worried He will grow bored with kitten within days, nervous about whether she can look her best * or as good as she can look* for Him at all times, silly things but with the other things in kittens head they just add to the confusion and worry.

Anyone gathered by now kitten is a worrier ?

kitten is wrting a list now, a list for her, on this list are 5 things that kitten needs to do daily, they are simple things but they are things kitten needs to do, all designed to boost kittens confidence, to help her improve herself and she is going to do the list daily until she no longer needs the list as they are part of her routine, this for kitten is the first step towards dispelling some of the fears she has, in 75 days kitten will be with Master, that gives kitten 75 days to improve her views of herself, she knows it will not be easy, lol she is already expecting a set back next week when ex comes round, but kitten has her list, she will do it daily and hopefully she will not disapoint Master, god kitten really prays she doesn't, ok that was not a good thought, its gone now, put away again