This Life and All it Brings

When i got up this morning i felt the need to write something, so many things going around in my head, and most of the time when i write them down it helps me but for some reason this time there are so many things that i am finding it hard to sort them out properly and that just makes things worse as they are all tangled together and i can't sort them out.

I am missing my son, i knew things would be hard when i moved to be with Master but its the little things i am having a tough time dealing with, today he goes back to school, who will make sure he is collected on time, who will make sure his TA is there waiting for him, who will make sure the lessons he is taking are the right ones, who will be his voice when they decide to push him to far and he ends up in danger * and it does happen, many times* So many things i have done and now i am too far away to make sure they get done so i am feeling lost, as if i have no purpose in his life any more.

I am also questioning things about myself, something Master said about my sister and i not being slaves and he is going to demote us to subs until we refocus our minds onto what is really important, that hurt, i know there are times i make him mad but most of our arguments are not actually about me, and that is the worst thing, i can be 'demoted' if its something i am doing wrong, and i accept that, but when its not about me then thats not fair, but He decides what is fair, so many times i want to shout and scream and stamp my foot but there is no point, it will not achieve anything apart from me being punished.

I am learning to deal with things myself and not to share them with Master, He is always busy with others that what i say is sort of lost and so there is no point, i know this is wrong but when He is being 'hammered' on all sides He is just a man and as such He can only deal with so much at a time and regardless of what others think He is not a never ending support system, even He needs support at times and that i can give Him by not burdening Him even more with my problems.

So many people think that being a slave is all sunshine and roses, they fail to see the bigger picture, the actual ' living' part of being a slave, it is not all sex and bondage and wild times, it is life and all that it brings, and when a slave brings 'baggage' into the mix it just adds to the problems everyone faces, add to that a poly type relationship and more problems are faced by all, i sometimes wonder if people really know what this life is about, it is a wonderful way to live but it is also one of the hardest, and only those who are committed, and that applies to the Masters as well as the slaves, will survive, it is a relationship and it is a lifestyle, unfortunatly there are so many blogs and posts out there that make it seem like a polly anna type deal, they are so very wrong

Serving A Masters Needs

When you are involved in a M/s relationship, especially a poly relationship, then there are many ways you can serve your Masters needs. Some slaves are house slaves, taking care of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and general well being of their Master, some are sex slaves, taking care of His sexual needs and desires and some are used in other areas of His life to help make things run smoothly for Him in what ever capacity has been agreed upon when you submitted.

So what happens when one gets ill ? Who will take care of that area of His life ?

In a poly relationship another sister * slave* will pick up the 'slack' * for want of a better word* to help out, whether that is something they are primarily used for in their Masters life or not they should want to help out as in doing so their Master will still be cared for and looked after - be it offering to do the laundry or cooking a few meals to bring around to the house * if they do not all live together* this is a way they can help their Master and at the same time their family.

A poly relationship is something not everyone can live in, it can and often is trying for the Master and the slaves but when it works it can also be something a slave can draw strength from and companionship, it can give them a helping hand when one is ill and unable to do the tasks set out for them, thus ensuring that the Master is still able to concentrate on what He needs to.

Late Night Thoughts

Master has finally gone to sleep, and after untangling myself gently so as not to wake Him i find myself unable to sleep, notice anything different about this post already ? i am me, not kitten and i have a feeling that is what is wrong, i feel disconnected somehow and to be honest i am not really sure why or how to get reconnected once more.

i seem to be struggling more and more with things and that scares me, there have been times in the past week when i have just wanted to scream at people for reasons that should not be my concern, but i find myself getting mad and having to walk away so as not to loose my cool. i see people pretending to be something they are not and wonder why, what is it they lack in their lives that make them want to do that? Being true to yourself and about yourself has been something i have tried to keep uppermost in my mind, no matter how hard it is at times i value honesty and all that goes with it.

i think one of the reasons for my feelings is my sister has flown 5000 miles to stay at a place not 50 miles from where i am living and she has not contacted me at all, i found out she was coming over by accident from another member of my family as she did not tell me and to know she is so close and yet will not talk to me because of the choices i made is hard to understand, i though family wanted their family to be happy and i am, but it seems happiness is something other people think they can dictate the terms of.

i know Master is worried about me, i am losing weight and have no appitite, i am now under orders that i must eat three times a day or no coffee allowed, and for me that is a huge loss, i live on coffee, i have dropped 3 dress sizes and even though i feel fine i cannot sleep and toss and turn all night, if i get 3 hours a night i am lucky, and its not doing me any good.

Its a times like this i miss my friends, people who i could talk to and know they would be there for me as i am there for them, ones who can help me see the wood for the trees, but that is not to be unfortunatly and while Master does His best, bless Him He is a man and a Master, He has compassion and sympathy for me but at the same time i will not keep burdening Him as He has enough on His plate so this is something i must work through on my own.

It seems to me that the real question needs to be, which do i need or want more, my Master or my family, as it doesn't appear that i can have both, and that is not my choice or Masters but theirs, and to be honest, its a hell of a choice to have to make, i made it once, and i have not regretted it but now it seems i must make it again.

Happiness come with a price and sometimes that price is a lot to pay.

Collars

kitten was reading something the other day that got her thinking * lol and at 2am that is NOT good ! *
It was an artcle about collars and one persons view on them, well to be honest some of what she said made perfect sense to kitten and she will explain why.

A collar is a sign of commitment between the Dom/Master and sub/slave, it is a symbol of ownership and the desire to be owned. A collar is many different things to many different people, to kitten it is a sign of trust, honor, respect and integrity, it shows that she is owned and she has found her place in this life with her Master. The collar symbolizes the faith she has in Him to protect her and keep her safe from harm, it is her strength when He is not with her yet at the same time it is her comfort when things are looking bleak.

There are many people who do not believe in collars and that is their choice, it is something that is not 'essential' to this lifestyle, it is not the same as a wedding ring to pronounce you married, it is just something that some people do and some people do not believe in, that said when a collar is given it is given by the Dom/Master and placed around the sub/slaves throat.waist/wrist/ankle * a collar is not necissarily something that goes around the throat* It is the act of giving and recieving that makes a collar meaningful.

So what about online collaring ? How can a collar sent through the post or brought yourself be special ? It is the act of human contact and recieving the gift from your Master that gives the collar meaning otherwise it is just a bit of jewellry surely ?

There are times when a Dom/Master cannot be with the one they own but that just means the giving of the collar waits - a person cannot collar themself, it is not something that means anything when done in this way, * and kitten should know, been there done that as it was* So if you are collared online are you in fact collared at all ? is it not just a case of more online fantasies ? hhhmmm something to think about