Kitten Thoughts and Feelings

I know its been awhile since i last posted, so much has happened and to be honest the time has flown by.
Padrone took me to a Bon Jovi concert, it was amazing and i can honestly say that i feel in love with another man - Jon !!
We are moving deeper into BDSM play, i am now a firm fan of needles, lol to the extent that i don't want them removed and so He allows me to wear them daily, He places them in me and then leaves them there for hours at a time, i love them and the next thing He is going to do is knife play, the thought of trusting Him enough to cut me is heady, its something i never thought i would ever crave but now i find i am begging for it, i or rather we are going into more extreme and He is pushing my limits to the stage they are crumbling at His feet.
Talking about feet, i have found that that is where i love to sit, we don't have to talk, i just feel better when i am at His feet, i sleep on the floor by Him while He is working and it just feels right * ok that sounds stupid but it just feels as if i belong there * i sleep easier and i feel safer - i know its all in the mind but honestly is that not where a lot of a slaves behaviour comes from - her mind ?
My health is still being a problem, i hate that things are still not right and so i try to block it out, i hate talking to Him about it, and that has been the one main bone of contention between us, He insists on being with me for the next procedure and i just want to go on my own, but He also knows me well enough to know i would proberbly not have it done, hhmmm sometimes a Master knows His slave too well !!
Life is a funny thing, it happens whether you want it to or not, i have a full - sometimes over full - life and there are times i struggle with what i am, it seems that there are times there is just not enough of me to go around, yet when i lay in His arms at night when things get to much for me, or i am laying on the floor by His feet i know i am home, i am where i need to be.