The Power of the Mind

Your best and worst enemy in life is your mind, it has a power unrivelled by anything else in your life and that includes your Master, as once your mind gets a hold of something it can and does take over you if you let it, good or bad you start to believe what your mind tells you and its a hell of a job to shift those ideas and beliefs for even the most experienced Master, for a new one it might be impossible.

I read some blogs online and there are a few * very few thankfully* that read as if this life is all sunshine and roses, that they are perfect and all in their life is wonderful as they give the impression they are the best slave and perfect in every way. WRONG This life is not all candlelight and white knights, its life, with all that it brings and that can be alot !

The people who write these things are living in fantasy land, they are giving people the impression that all if wonderful and that they are constantly at peace with all that goes on in their life, that nothing could be better and in fact the life they are leading is so perfect and there is no way to improve it.

Its very similar to someone saying they love to be spanked and it releases their inner pain sluttiness when in reality they have had a 5 minute 'session' with a soft flogger * and those who are into spanking will know that a suede flogger does not hurt no matter how hard it is used* That is like me saying i am a deep sea diver because i sat in a paddling pool !

I read another who posts that she tells her Master what she will and will not do - this is not M/s, as any real Master will not accept a slave telling them what to do, you can have an opinion and you can suggest things but telling them ?? no way is that part of M/s or TPE, and to actually say it is is just giving so many new ones the totally wrong impression of what M/s is really all about.

Do i sound bitter ? Jaded ? well maybe i am, and the reason for that is i talk to many people both online and in person and trying to explain that some of the crap they read online is pure fantasy and not fact is getting harder and harder, people claiming to be real slaves and this is how life is supposed to be is not fair on them as with their lies and make believes come a huge responsibility to REAL slaves who know that life is life to get them to understand that no Master is totally perfect and no person is as wonderful as they make them out to be.

Maybe its time for the glasses to come off and people to be honest, not saying that all they post is doom and gloom but would love them to post honestly and truthfuly, something some of them seem to have a really hard time doing - Live in reality and not fantasy, and you will find that your relationship with your Master will be stronger and better than a story book as it will be based on truth, honesty and trust something all relationships need to survive.

OOhh by the way, if you don't like this post then i am sorry, maybe its cos you are one of those who live in laa laa land ??

Unrealistic Expectations

For the first time since i have been in the USA my phone rang more times than Masters, even on the beach everyone thought it was His phone ringing but it was mine but not one of the calls was the one i was hoping for, and that was the call from my daughter.

It seemed that today i was surrouned by people talking of their children and while i can understand that i just sometimes wish someone would think to ask about mine - i have children and they are a part of me, yet no one ever gives a thought to that. I know that people can be selfish but i seem to spend my time thinking of others and just once i want some one to think of me and what i am going through, maybe i am the selfish one, expecting others to have the same qualities that i have in regard to thinking of others and not themselves and what a certain action or deed will get them and time and time again i am left disappointed or annoyed as that is never the case. Don't take me wrong - i am no saint but even in the mist of all the upset i have been feeling and not being well still and in pain i still think of others.

I have told 3 people of my call from my daughter the other day, Master and two online friends, and bless her, one of them has been texting daily or on im to make sure i am alright and coping but its not the same as talking to a real live person is it ?

I have so many conflicting emotions right now, one minute i want to be here with Master as i know thats where i belong and the next i feel i need to be with my daughter and after what she said i sometimes doubt that is a possibility and even f it was that would mean leaving Master and that is not something i think i could do unless really forced to.

Time and time i lay in bed while He is sleeping and my head is spinning, my heart aching and tears falling silently down my face, hell even typing this and my eyes are filling up, i just feel so lost and yet each morning i wake Master with a smile plastered on my face and the pretence that all is ok in my world begins again, after all, He has so much on His plate that i am not going to burden Him further especially as there is nothing He can do that will make it all alright once more, this is my problem/turmoil/dilema to try to get through, and at the moment i am not sure what the outcome will be and that is a scary thing for me.

The Way Life works

Wow, today has certainly took me by surprise, and to be honest i am not sure what to do any more, i got some news from back home and it has thrown me into a tail spin.

I have been told something, what it was does not really matter except to me, and then i was told the results of that news, and that is what has thrown me. I knew when i chose to live my life for me that there would be times that were hard and times that looked as if they were impossible, and this is one of those impossible times and i am not sure what to do and where to turn.

My daughter called me with some news, and then she piled on the other stuff and that has hurt me so bad, i know Master tries to understand but it is not something that i can explain, its the feelings and the hurt that are making me cry all the time, i understand that by trying to get away and actually live a life that is right for me i took a chance on friends and family not understanding and i came into this with my eyes wide open but i never imagined i would react like this when faced with their anger and hurt, their words and deeds are crippling and they know this.

People always say look on the bright side, there are worse off than me and i should count my blessings, and i do, i really do but at the same time i start to question and doubt, not Master as He has always been upfront about what He is and what He wants from me, but about myself and what i did and am doing still, and the results of my actions. Was i selfish to want a life ? Was i self centred to want to be happy ? Can i be happy ? Can i take this latest knock and not let it turn me around and leave all i have craved for so long ? i wish i had the guts to hide away and not have to hurt like this, and the really stupid thing is, as Master has explained, i am the target for all her anger and resentment, and give her a few days and she will either come around or she will heap more on and its all my fault, i am so used to dealing with everything for all of them that now i am not there she is having to deal with things herself, she is having to grown up and in that growing up she is lashing out and the target is me.

Somedays i really wish i knew all the answers, and on other days i wish i knew the questions, today is a day i need answers. No one said life was easy, but hell they never said it would be this hard or hurt this much either.

Putting Others On A Pedastal

I was reading something the other day that got me thinking, not always a good idea but this time I think it was. I was reading how one slave thought her Master was perfect,you could tell by what she was writing and how she was saying things that she had no real grasp on life, she had put her Master on a pedastal and was worshipping Him. This does not sound wrong i know but realistically no Master is a god, no Master is an idol, they are human and like the rest of us they are prone to mistakes and errors in judgement but when we elevate them to saint like statue then when they make that mistake it is so much worse as they have proven they are not al we had built them up to be.

I have read many posts where a slave will say her Master is wonderful and He is kind and considerate and does not ask her to do things she does not like, how He is supportive and there for her always and how He is her reason for being in this lifestyle, and to be honest that is so wrong, it is totally giving off the wrong impression on what this life is, what about the times He is not there, when He is working or out with His friends, what about the times when He moody and cross as something has not gone right during His day, what about the times when He has had enough of your whining about such and such and tells you to sort it out yourself, and yes those times do happen as this is LIFE and not a fairy tale in the making.

All too many come into this way of life as they think it is a way to find never ending happiness and true love with a bit of kink added, they think it is all roses and candle light and when you read some of the things out there you can tell who those people are, but they are in for a rude awakening, its not all like that.

The trouble with putting a person on a pedastal is they rarely live up to your expectations, they cannot as what you dream and imagine is so much more than a human is capable of so when they fail to live up to your imagination then you are going to be very disappointed, love your Master, serve your Master and honor your Master but do not elevate him to godlike staus as that is not fair to either of you.

This Life and All it Brings

When i got up this morning i felt the need to write something, so many things going around in my head, and most of the time when i write them down it helps me but for some reason this time there are so many things that i am finding it hard to sort them out properly and that just makes things worse as they are all tangled together and i can't sort them out.

I am missing my son, i knew things would be hard when i moved to be with Master but its the little things i am having a tough time dealing with, today he goes back to school, who will make sure he is collected on time, who will make sure his TA is there waiting for him, who will make sure the lessons he is taking are the right ones, who will be his voice when they decide to push him to far and he ends up in danger * and it does happen, many times* So many things i have done and now i am too far away to make sure they get done so i am feeling lost, as if i have no purpose in his life any more.

I am also questioning things about myself, something Master said about my sister and i not being slaves and he is going to demote us to subs until we refocus our minds onto what is really important, that hurt, i know there are times i make him mad but most of our arguments are not actually about me, and that is the worst thing, i can be 'demoted' if its something i am doing wrong, and i accept that, but when its not about me then thats not fair, but He decides what is fair, so many times i want to shout and scream and stamp my foot but there is no point, it will not achieve anything apart from me being punished.

I am learning to deal with things myself and not to share them with Master, He is always busy with others that what i say is sort of lost and so there is no point, i know this is wrong but when He is being 'hammered' on all sides He is just a man and as such He can only deal with so much at a time and regardless of what others think He is not a never ending support system, even He needs support at times and that i can give Him by not burdening Him even more with my problems.

So many people think that being a slave is all sunshine and roses, they fail to see the bigger picture, the actual ' living' part of being a slave, it is not all sex and bondage and wild times, it is life and all that it brings, and when a slave brings 'baggage' into the mix it just adds to the problems everyone faces, add to that a poly type relationship and more problems are faced by all, i sometimes wonder if people really know what this life is about, it is a wonderful way to live but it is also one of the hardest, and only those who are committed, and that applies to the Masters as well as the slaves, will survive, it is a relationship and it is a lifestyle, unfortunatly there are so many blogs and posts out there that make it seem like a polly anna type deal, they are so very wrong

Serving A Masters Needs

When you are involved in a M/s relationship, especially a poly relationship, then there are many ways you can serve your Masters needs. Some slaves are house slaves, taking care of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and general well being of their Master, some are sex slaves, taking care of His sexual needs and desires and some are used in other areas of His life to help make things run smoothly for Him in what ever capacity has been agreed upon when you submitted.

So what happens when one gets ill ? Who will take care of that area of His life ?

In a poly relationship another sister * slave* will pick up the 'slack' * for want of a better word* to help out, whether that is something they are primarily used for in their Masters life or not they should want to help out as in doing so their Master will still be cared for and looked after - be it offering to do the laundry or cooking a few meals to bring around to the house * if they do not all live together* this is a way they can help their Master and at the same time their family.

A poly relationship is something not everyone can live in, it can and often is trying for the Master and the slaves but when it works it can also be something a slave can draw strength from and companionship, it can give them a helping hand when one is ill and unable to do the tasks set out for them, thus ensuring that the Master is still able to concentrate on what He needs to.

Late Night Thoughts

Master has finally gone to sleep, and after untangling myself gently so as not to wake Him i find myself unable to sleep, notice anything different about this post already ? i am me, not kitten and i have a feeling that is what is wrong, i feel disconnected somehow and to be honest i am not really sure why or how to get reconnected once more.

i seem to be struggling more and more with things and that scares me, there have been times in the past week when i have just wanted to scream at people for reasons that should not be my concern, but i find myself getting mad and having to walk away so as not to loose my cool. i see people pretending to be something they are not and wonder why, what is it they lack in their lives that make them want to do that? Being true to yourself and about yourself has been something i have tried to keep uppermost in my mind, no matter how hard it is at times i value honesty and all that goes with it.

i think one of the reasons for my feelings is my sister has flown 5000 miles to stay at a place not 50 miles from where i am living and she has not contacted me at all, i found out she was coming over by accident from another member of my family as she did not tell me and to know she is so close and yet will not talk to me because of the choices i made is hard to understand, i though family wanted their family to be happy and i am, but it seems happiness is something other people think they can dictate the terms of.

i know Master is worried about me, i am losing weight and have no appitite, i am now under orders that i must eat three times a day or no coffee allowed, and for me that is a huge loss, i live on coffee, i have dropped 3 dress sizes and even though i feel fine i cannot sleep and toss and turn all night, if i get 3 hours a night i am lucky, and its not doing me any good.

Its a times like this i miss my friends, people who i could talk to and know they would be there for me as i am there for them, ones who can help me see the wood for the trees, but that is not to be unfortunatly and while Master does His best, bless Him He is a man and a Master, He has compassion and sympathy for me but at the same time i will not keep burdening Him as He has enough on His plate so this is something i must work through on my own.

It seems to me that the real question needs to be, which do i need or want more, my Master or my family, as it doesn't appear that i can have both, and that is not my choice or Masters but theirs, and to be honest, its a hell of a choice to have to make, i made it once, and i have not regretted it but now it seems i must make it again.

Happiness come with a price and sometimes that price is a lot to pay.