I Am Kitten

This post has been deleted as people decided it was about them - in truth it wasn't it was something i wrote on one of my blogs a long time ago and just updated it, it was something that i was seeing over and over again on a certain friend site, people with multiple profiles and multiple personalities and how they were playing others in the rooms.

If the original post offened you i would like to ask you why ? is it because it somehow rings true about you ?

With Masters Permission

When you are at school the teachers tell you that we are all equal, that we all have the same rights and that no one is better than anyone else. Most schools now days have done away with the sports days, as they believe that promoting awinning attitude is wrong for those less able, that by not winning you are in some ways damaging the self esteem of the 'loser'.

In a M/s relationship there is no equality, the 'power' lies with the Master, a slave is given certain 'rights' as deemed by her Master but those rights are subject to change - she misbehaves and privledges are removed until she has learnt her lesson, if indeed she does learn a lesson. Telling your Master sorry doesn't work, in most cases it is a word, and actions need to be shown so that the Master knows that indeed you are sorry and maybe - just maybe - those privledges removed might be reinstated.

There are many things that some people do not understand about the power exchange, it covers ALL of the slaves actions, for example i am not allowed to im with anyone without His permission, no permission no im ing - its that simple, the same goes for visiting others, i ask for permission and if it is denied then i do not go, this is M/s and the power exchange in action. There are times when He tells me what i am allowed to wear, or indeed if i am allowed to wear anything, this is His right. If i am putting on weight * and as i am quitting smoking and sucking cinnamon sweets like they are going out of fashion this is a real possibility*He will tell me to diet, if my hair is too long He will tell me to cut it, all these things and more are His right and i am to do as instructed because He is Master and when i submitted to Him i gave Him 100% control over my life and what i do or not do.

I have read that some slaves 'pounce' on their Master when they want sex, lol i can just imagine my Masters face if i did that, !!! that to me is 'Domming' it is not my choice when or if we have sex, it is His, and that is how it is meant to be, the same as with the paddle, i really don't like it on the back of my knees, no real reason why i don't like it there but Master knows this and while most of the time He doesn't use the crop or cane there He can and will if the mood takes Him, again it is His choice not mine as to what happens and how.

M/s is a relationship that is similar to every other one, it has all of the things you will find in a 'vanilla' relationship with the exception of the power division, this is the main thing that makes it different, and the one thing that a lot of people struggle with, it is an all or nothing relationship and not one that you can play at on monday but not on tuesday - you are either in the relationship 100% or you are not.

There are things in life that can cause a slave to struggle and that is where the bond with her Master comes in, it is His job to try to aliviate the struggles, to help her with any issues that she might have but at the same time it is the slaves job to make His life easier and not burden Him with things that are trivial and of no real importance. A good Master teaches His slave to identify problems that are real and take those to Him while at the same time either deal with the silly issues herself or ignore them.

The M/s relationship is a complicated one to many people but in reality it does not need to be, it is the same as everything else in life, it is only as difficult as people make it, go with your instincts, be true to yourself and your feelings, build the bond between you and your Master and be safe in the knowledge that He will protect you when needed.

This Life and All it Brings

When i got up this morning i felt the need to write something, so many things going around in my head, and most of the time when i write them down it helps me but for some reason this time there are so many things that i am finding it hard to sort them out properly and that just makes things worse as they are all tangled together and i can't sort them out.

I am missing my son, i knew things would be hard when i moved to be with Master but its the little things i am having a tough time dealing with, today he goes back to school, who will make sure he is collected on time, who will make sure his TA is there waiting for him, who will make sure the lessons he is taking are the right ones, who will be his voice when they decide to push him to far and he ends up in danger * and it does happen, many times* So many things i have done and now i am too far away to make sure they get done so i am feeling lost, as if i have no purpose in his life any more.

I am also questioning things about myself, something Master said about my sister and i not being slaves and he is going to demote us to subs until we refocus our minds onto what is really important, that hurt, i know there are times i make him mad but most of our arguments are not actually about me, and that is the worst thing, i can be 'demoted' if its something i am doing wrong, and i accept that, but when its not about me then thats not fair, but He decides what is fair, so many times i want to shout and scream and stamp my foot but there is no point, it will not achieve anything apart from me being punished.

I am learning to deal with things myself and not to share them with Master, He is always busy with others that what i say is sort of lost and so there is no point, i know this is wrong but when He is being 'hammered' on all sides He is just a man and as such He can only deal with so much at a time and regardless of what others think He is not a never ending support system, even He needs support at times and that i can give Him by not burdening Him even more with my problems.

So many people think that being a slave is all sunshine and roses, they fail to see the bigger picture, the actual ' living' part of being a slave, it is not all sex and bondage and wild times, it is life and all that it brings, and when a slave brings 'baggage' into the mix it just adds to the problems everyone faces, add to that a poly type relationship and more problems are faced by all, i sometimes wonder if people really know what this life is about, it is a wonderful way to live but it is also one of the hardest, and only those who are committed, and that applies to the Masters as well as the slaves, will survive, it is a relationship and it is a lifestyle, unfortunatly there are so many blogs and posts out there that make it seem like a polly anna type deal, they are so very wrong

New Social Site

kitten as many know has been in a few of the social sites on the internet, some better than others and that is why she is telling you all about a new site she has joined.
The site is for BDSM M/s and D/s relationships, you can post blogs, pictures,music, chat and so much more but the best part is it is for like minded people who when you look at the poll and read the posts and actually chat with them are on the whole REAL people and not just online players that you find in so many of the sites online.
The site is http://anownedlife.ning.com and it is a mine of information for newbies and more experienced people alike. Please check it out and look forward to seeing you in there, kitten is sure you will enjoy the site

Sitting In Slience

I sit in silence
Closing my eyes
Feeling all of lifes worries
Bearing down on me

I feel the pain of seperation
The sharp ache of longing
I hear the echo of nothingness
surrounding me in my thoughts

I close my heart a bit more
The fear of drowning in my grief strong
I wipe the lone tear from my cheek
Breathing deep to steady myself

Standing tall I open my eyes
A smile in place as i cry inside
My tears, my sorrow, my pain, my grief
All mine to hide from sight

This is my life, I need to live
Not exisit as others want
I have to be who I really am
And know that Master is my strength

I have left behind a world of pain
Yet it seems to follow me
Turning to Him is my only salvation
His arms my port in this life

I draw on His strength
I feel His protection
He is my rock when all is crumbling
I have my life now, I am free to live

Questions

At Masters request today kitten spoke to a Domme that Master had been conversing with and to say the conversation was 'enlightning' is putting it mildly.

After saying hello and commenting on kitten talking in the third person her first question to kitten * remember kitten had not spoke to this person before* was
" Would you mind your Master using me in front of you as that will happen if we meet"

Hhhmmm to say kitten was surprised is putting it mildly - kitten is a slave and this person a Domme, and as a slave it is not kittens choice or place to either mind or not mind, it is Masters and as a Domme this is something kitten had assumed that she would know.

So that led her to question what type of things Master likes and dislikes, again that is not kittens place to answer for Master, she can say what SHE likes * kitten that is* and what she doesn't like very much but to answer for Master ? nope not kittens place as how is kitten to know whether He likes something with other slaves that He does not like with kitten ?

So now kitten is processing things in her head, things that she had thought were standard practices, the knowledge that a sub/slave has no choice in who her Master plays with and when, the belief that a Dom/Dommes Master or Mistress should have at least a basic grasp of what a sub or slaves place is and indeed the understanding that a sub or slave does not answer for her Master unless told to give out certain information if they are asked.

The conversation went on to her telling kitten all about her past experiences and how she has no limits and so on and so forth and by the end of the conversation kitten was really confused, was this Domme a switch ? was she a Domme but really wanted Master * and with all respect kitten knows Master is a hunk and there are many who do want Him and not just as a Master but as a man as well* or was she just looking to impress with her knowledge of certain parts of BDSM and really only making things up ?

There are some things a Master/Mistress Dom or Domme should know insinctivly if they are serious about this life, but that is just kittens opinon and maybe she is wrong and judging someone on her own beliefs, time will tell ................

Kittens Relationship

kitten has had a relatively good week end, she has had some hassles with others, but unfortunately for them kitten doesn’t think they realise what they say to her she tells Master, and she knows that they are trying to drive a wedge between Master and kitten, just wish they would leave Him alone and just pick on kitten, and He on the other hand wishes they would just go to Him and leave kitten alone, He hates that they put thoughts into her head, especially as they have never spoken to Him or know Him in any way, but in less then 18 days they will all be proved wrong, and no doubt so will a few others as well.

Talking to Master over the last few days the picture has become clearer, there are many who question why Master wants kitten with Him and why kitten wants to be with Master, well hopefully those reading this will understand a bit better if kitten can try to explain some of those reasons.

Kitten wants Master to be her Master, she wants and needs Him to be her strength, her sanity at times, she wants Him to be the one to tell her what to do and when, to guide her and to teach her, and in return kitten wants to serve Him, to make Him happy, to cook and clean for Him and to make sure He is well, that all He needs for the upcoming day is taken care of, both physically and mentally where possible.

Kitten wants to be His friend, to be someone He can talk and laugh with, to be someone He is comfortable being around without feeling pressured into talking to her or playing with her, she wants to be someone He knows will listen when life is tough and things are not always as He wishes them to be. Kitten wants to be someone He can rely on to always be honest with Him, to have an opinion but know that in the end it will be His opinion that is the one that matters and counts, she wants Him to be able to trust her and know that what she says is the truth always.

Kitten is not looking for more than Master will give, she is looking to Master to be just that, her Master, she has no wish for Him to be her boyfriend, her significant other or her partner, she needs Master to be her Master in all ways.

Kitten also knows that the things she likes Master does as well, she likes the thought of Him taking a crop to her, to Him lifting her skirt to slap her ass, hell even typing this makes her tingle with anticipation, Master likes the idea that a word or a phrase will make her wet with desire, will make her nipples hard and ache to be bitten, He likes the idea that she craves to be tied and used by Him, and this also makes the M/s relationship stronger, the liking of things, the needing of things.

Every M/s relationship is different, and kitten knows that after the fun there needs to be something to hold it together, the more Master and kitten talk and the more they interact the stronger that bond becomes, yes kitten will go to the beach with Master, yes she will go to the movies if He wishes her to go with Him, and yeap she will go to parties and where ever He wishes her to, but that is the point, it will be what He wants when He wants and kitten is so happy about that

What is kitten ?

When you read some of the posts and blogs out there, a question that is asked many times is what is a slaves role, what happens after the scene or the sex, when normal life is what surrounds you and you are left alone in a house with your Dom or Master, what then ? What do you do ? Sit in separate rooms ? Chat across a table at meal times only ? Ignore each other until the time He wants to use you again?

Kitten thinks if that was the case, there would be a lot of unhappy Doms and Masters out there, as well as subs and slaves, this might be M/s or D/s but it is still life and that would be pretty boring if there was no interests to hold you together on those quiet times, the times that everyone needs at times. Kitten has learnt some of Masters ‘moods’ she knows when to be quiet and not disturb Him, she knows when He wishes to ask her something or say something He will, and as kitten is happy within herself she is also happy with those quiet times, they are times to reflect on her life and to wonder how she got so lucky.

There are times when Master talks to her and to be honest kitten has no idea what He is speaking about, well that was then, at the moment Master is teaching kitten two separate things, not about BDSM, but these are things that interest Him and so kitten wants to learn, and she is, kitten knows she is not the smartest person but still He is not giving up on her, this to kitten means a lot as usually in the past kitten was not ‘taught’ anything except how to please sexually, but as kitten said, after the sex there is life, and knowing how to give your Master a blow job is good during a scene but what good does it do you in holding down a conversation ?

So what is a slaves place in her Masters life ? To kitten it is to be what He decides, when He decides, a slut when He wants her to be, silent when He needs her to be, a home maker, and no not in that way, but in the way of taking care of His basic needs, cooking washing etc, and being able to hold a conversation when He wants to talk to her.

Kitten is a slave, she is what Master wants her to be when He wants her to be, and that is something she is very happy being, Masters kitten

Erotic Humiliation

There is something about being called a slut or a whore, being made to kneel at His feet, being used as a toy for His pleasure only that is so erotic, its something kitten loves and thankfully so does Master.

There are many books on the market describing this, but kitten has just finished reading one which to her seems to capture all the important parts of this act, to humiliate someone is something many people do on a daily basis but to humiliate someone within the BDSM life is not abuse, it is erotic play and in kittens opinion its great.

Picture the scene, a slave on her knees, her Master thrusting into her while all the time He is calling her names, telling her how bad a fuck she is, how she is worthless and He is only using her as there is not one else around at that time, mmmm such a turn on to hear Him telling kitten how useless she is, how worthless, and the thing to remember is, this is in a scene, afterwards Master does not call kitten them names, she is not worthless and W/we B/both know this.

This is a great book and one kitten really reccomends

http://www.anownedlife.com/products/erotichumiliation.html

Questions

There are many times in a slaves submission she questions herself, she questions her abilities, whether she is someone that her Master wants, she questions if she is really cut out for the life of a submissive, indeed she asks herself can she really be what her Master desires, will she ever be able to make Him happy

All these questions are normal, and this kitten knows, but just because they are normal does not stop them from entering a slaves mind, events happen that trigger thoughts off and then comes a period of doubt, it usually does not last long but then again it can last too long, during which time you can really go through some bad thoughts, so what does a slave do ?

Well she should talk to her Master for a start, good advice kitten knows, and some she should take herself but kitten being kitten does things differently, she doesn’t talk, not having been used to telling anyone before what she is thinking or feeling it does not come easy, and on the few occasions she did tell her ‘friend ‘ it was used against her, more reason for kitten to keep her own council.

Kitten has been a slave for a long time but that does not mean she is immune to the thoughts and feelings of a new one, indeed sometimes because kitten knows a bit more about the lifestyle it makes the thoughts worse, and while she knows that things will work out as they are meant to it does not stop her having concerns.

When feelings and thoughts are predominant in a slaves mind, she should take the time to look at what causes them, she should examine the reasons and ask herself, is this something that is going to be a regular occurrence, and if it is, is it something she can live with, get past or accept ? The answer to these questions needs to be yes, as without a yes to the last two if the first one is yes then life as a slave can be very hard.

Talking is a great way to work your fears and problems out, but sometimes, the need to go within yourself is too great, so thats what kitten does, she goes inside and tries to figure things our herself, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but thats something kitten has to deal with.

As the time draws nearer for kitten to finally be with her Master she knows that there will be more questions and more events which will call into play all her strength and resolve, is she strong enough to deal with these things ? Only time will tell

After The Fun

Kitten has been on a few adult sites, she has talked to many people and she has given advice when asked, always with the words, this is kittens view, rightly or wrongly this is what kitten thinks or feel, and to that end she has had many conversations with others looking to enter this life and what they think it is all about, and unfortunately, so many of them are wrong, very very wrong
This life is not 24 hour sex, it is not about being tied and used as a toy for Him/Her, and nor is it about playing games * but this unfortunately happens so many times * This life is about LIFE
There are times when you are a slave or sub, a Master or Dom that you play, you ‘scene’ but what when that is done ? What when the toys are packed away and you are going back to your daily life ? What does this life hold for you then ?
Kitten sees so many play games online, they think that because they ‘submit’ online they are cut out for this life, and nothing could be further from the truth. There are so many Doms out there who think this is a good way to play games with people, to get them to basically put on a free sex show for them, unfortunately kitten knows this from experience, and when you meet a REAL Master or Dom it confuses the heck out of new ones at time. It is not only the Masters and Doms though, on the flip side there are many who say they like the lifestyle, they are ‘submissive’ at heart but in reality they only want to play, they too get their kicks from camming for others, playing games online, how would they fair in life ? Not very well kitten thinks, as in real life things are not like that, hell no one is going to be played with 24/7 and thats when things are really telling.... can the peson you are with have nothing sexual between you for two weeks ? Can they and will they still be as struck on you if there is no play ? Will the attraction still be there after a month ? Extreme kitten knows but BDSM and this life is not all about sex, it is about people and life, and sometimes people tend to forget this in pursuit of an orgasm, yet those in this life, really into this life know that the play is such a small part of it, it is the living of this life that takes the strength many do not have.