Struggling

ok i am not sure what is wrong with me, i seem to be really struggling
at the moment and i am not sure why, so many things going on in my life,
and its not making things easy for me, for some reason i just want to cry,
and that is not like me at all

even writing this, i am not kitten, this is not who she is, this is me
and is that the problem ? is it because i don't know who i am any more ?
i am getting grief from ex and daughter, well thats almost normal yet for some reason
it seems to be sitting hard on me, and then add to that the grief from friends and
old Doms, i guess its no wonder i am losing all sense of reasoning,

i am going to see Master soon and that is scaring me, why ? that i can't answer, it might be that my last master was ex, well master in that sense of the word, and look how that ended up, ok i know it was years down the line, and things happened to make it all fall apart but lets face it, with all the hostility i have been subjected to over the time i have been with Master its no wonder i am starting to struggle, not just from ex,family, friends and old doms but from others who think they know what is best for me, and this is without actually knowing me at all. Masters is the one who knows me, He is the one who has a controlling influence on my life yet there are still those who think they should be able to tell me what to do and what is going to happen to me, all this just add more and more to my already overflowing doubts and fears

when did things get so complicated ? why is nothing easy any more ? all i ever wanted to be was happy, and now i am so confused it seems happiness is a long way away for me.