Square Peg

Do you ever feel you don’t fit in ? that you are a square peg in a round hole ?
Just lately kitten has been feeling those things, she has been re reading some things said to her and more and more she is feeling that she is that square peg, but the thing is, its not kitten that is the square peg at times, confused ? lol welcome to kittens mind.

There are times when kitten knows that she is only half living, that there is a part of her missing, and that part is Master, she needs to serve Him r/t, online is ok as a way of getting to know someone but r/t is where the dream becomes a reality, and the reality is not always what people imagine. This is something kitten yearns for, to serve, to submit, to be once more. Sometimes when kitten sees people in some of the adult sites playing at being a Dom and sub she honestly thinks they believe what their fantasies are is what this life is, omg if only it was like that at times, there would be no periods of silence while Master was with another * true is your Master or Dom is poly* there would be no trying to change who you are to make Him notice you * seen this happen a few times over the years, but the thing they fail to realise is that their Dom or Master accepted their submission based on them as a person, on how they were at that time *

Another thing that is so noticable is when people say one thing but in reality mean another, they talk so well because on line i does not affect them, but in r/t things are just that REAL, so while they can say that they will submit to anothers will with no problem so many of them can't, they talk the talk but cannot walk the walk. Another thing that is so noticable is how many on these sites say things because they think they can change the way a Dom or Master is, the image of the picket fence and rose garden is what they want, not a Dom but a boyfriend to go to the movies with or to take walks on the beach with, and this is something that a Dom does do with those they own but it is as a D/s or M/s not as a boyfriend/girlfriend.

kitten has been told by new ones who see her interaction with her Master that she is incapable of love, that is not true, kitten does love her Master, but she also knows that she loves Him as her MASTER, her FRIEND and as her One, she does not love Him as her boyfriend or partner, He will never be that and that is not what kitten wants, its confusing but it is this life, it is not what you see in the chat rooms, this is real and its wonderful if you want it to be.

So what does this have to do with kitten being a square peg ? Well she sees and hears things, she reads and tries to understand what is said and more and more she sees others ideas of what M/s life is and she sometimes wonders if it is her that is wrong ? Have the rules changed and no one told her ? Is she living in the past and how she was taught and what she believed in now obsolete ?

Kitten was taught that this life is not about her, there is no place for a me me me mindset, it is about the One you serve, Their wishes and desires are what matter most, she was also taught that sex was a privilege and not a right, and if she was to be on house cleaning duties for a month while her Master was with another in her freshly made bed then that is how it was to be * sure used to annoy kitten when she had just changed the sheets though * Kitten was taught that the word no was acceptable if she was prepared for the consequences, * learnt that most times it was not worth saying no * Kitten learnt what it felt like to be resented, * remember in some subs eyes kitten was the main sub, as she was married to Him but at times nothing could have been further from the truth * Yet through it all kitten knew she was born to serve another, she had a part of her missing if she was not submissive to her Master and that is how she is feeling now, she needs to submit to Him in r/t, she needs to feel Him around her, and nope not talking cuddles and pillows * private joke and one kitten is praying does not come true * but to feel His strength, His wisdom and His belief in kitten,

So is kitten a square peg ? Not really sure but she knows that if she is then she will do all she can to smooth the edges as she needs to be Masters gattino.