Change

Change is something everyone looks for in their life. Whether it be living standards, job situation, advancement, having a family or a host of other things, we as people look to change as that allows us to grow and move onwards to being the person we want to be.

In the BDSM world we look at subs/slaves growing, expanding their limits, their knowledge, their depth of service, any number of things really. The emphasis is on them growing and learning more, being more, submitting more to their 'One'. This is something we all want to do and strive to learn the lessons being taught, the tasks set are there to help us. The rules and boundries there to guide us.

What about the Dominants though ? When all the emphasis is on the submissive to change who and what they are, their behavior and demeanor, alter some things that have either been taught or are habits learnt over the years then what about the Dominants ? Who tells them that they need to change as well ?

If a submissive says to a Dominant that his behavior is wrong, that something he is doing or not doing is damaging to them, that how be treats or interacts with them is not what was promised then she is accused of topping from the bottom yet who else really knows that person better than the one serving them ?

I can understand and accept that a lot of times Dominants do things ' Just because they can' whether thats in how they interact ( or don't interact in some cases ) with their submissives, be it in how they treat them, talk to them, set rules and tasks that are virtually impossible to test them it doesn't make it right does it ? Some times the " I can so I will " attitude is blinding them to what they actually are doing to themselves, the submissive and the relationship. Being a Dominant is not a free pass to being a god. By the same token its not an excuse to be an ass either.

All people need to change, for the Dominant to instruct the submissive to change and grow and learn is a wonderful thing if done in the right way. It opens them up to new experiences and learning possibilities. Done in the wrong way with anger and abusive language, with no guide lines and no support and concern for them is a one way street to disaster as all it will do is destroy the self esteem and self worth of the submissive, leaving them nervous and anxious that no matter what they do will be wrong.

In my experience all submissives want to be their best, they strive long and hard to be pleasing and 'worthy' of their Dominant ......... unfortunatly that is not true for all Dominants, the attitude is they are perfect and never in need of learning and changing themselves and especially not for a submissive - hell have even heard the words said ' I am a Master so what do I need to change for, if you don't like it there are plenty more out there who will do as I tell them, when I tell them and how I tell them with no questions asked'

So who tells the Dominant that their behavior needs changing ?