Expectations

What as a sub/slave is realistic to expect from "your" Dom or Master ?

What really is an expectation ?

Is it something that you as a submissive wish for or is it something that is expected or is it merely something that the Dom/Master says and you hold them to it ?

I am someone who places a lot of faith in words and actions, believing that the words really do need to match the actions as otherwise do the words not become meaningless ?

When I am told that something is going to happen, that something is going to be such and such a way I tend to believe that as I am being told something from the other persons own free will and so have no reason to expect any different. In fact I have many times tried to give them an 'out' as it was so that if they could not do what they have said then they can say so from the beginning.

So is it an unrealistic expectation to want what is said to be what happens ?

No its not, its hoping and wishing that the actions match the words ................

Strong

Laying The Groundwork

When you travel through the many BDSM and M/s D/s blogs available online one of the common themes that seems to be mentioned a lot is that communication is vital between all parties involved. Primarily before the 'relationship' can move forward both parties talk, work together with regard to limits, expectations, desires, needs, rules etc etc. This is the foundation for all relationships and hopefully helps to build a strong and stable base for all. If the differences are too vast then obviously the people involved can and should make an informed choice as to whether to try to proceed forward or the things wanted by either party are too different to make things work so that both parties are happy.

Thats in the beginning of the relationship. Hopefully this will set the groundwork for all future communication and help to strengthen the relationship.

So what happens when/if things go wrong ?

What happens is things get to the stage that the Master and slave split up because the foundation of their relationship has changed and one party is no longer happy and not getting their needs met? What happens if both parties decide that it is better to separate temporarily with the hope of rebuilding what they had ? What happens to that first initial communication ?

If the above circumstances are true, the separation is temporary and both parties have a deep love for each other and the desire for the M/s relationship to work, then does the slave have the 'right' to say what it is she wants/needs/desires/expects from the Master ? After all, they have an intimate knowledge of each other, they know each others quirks and habits, BUT they also know each others flaws and behavior patterns so is the slave allowed to voice what she is looking for from the Master so previous problems are alleviated and addressed to ensure that both parties come back together stronger and happier ?

People are quick to advise new subs and slaves to talk and set out basics when meeting a potential new Dom or Master yet no one seem to feel the same applies to a relationship that has broken and the parties involved are seeking to repair it. Surely the Master and slave involved SHOULD talk and work out what went wrong and what each feels helped towards the split ? Were there other people involved ? Did behavior towards each other change ? Were needs being met and if not then in what way ? What are they looking for in each other ? What expectations do they have moving forward ?

All to often its easy for the Master to place all the blame on the slave, after all He is Master so how He decides to treat the slave is up to Him. As the Dominant it is His prerogative to decide and use the slave as He sees fit and thats fine IF the slave is happy and fulfilled being treated that way. If not then if a break up and a reconciliation is being worked on the slave needs to be able to say what it is she is looking for from the Master. What He neglected/changed/altered to bring them to the currant state just as the Master has the right to state what about the slave He wants different. After all, this is the first step in the building of a strong foundation if the parties involved are new to each other so why should it be different if they are trying to reconcile ?

I am not stupid enough to think that things will not change in life. Life does not stand still and circumstances do change. People grow and things agreed and talked about in the beginning might not be relevant 5 years down the line. BUT and heres the thing, if things go wrong and one party is not happy then they should have their voice heard and that voice should be listened to and heard. They should not be degraded and humiliated and told they are topping from the bottom. They should be talked to and worked with. If there are behavior problems then they should be addressed and corrected not ignored and then thrown into their face at a later date. Rebuilding a relationship takes a lot of work, just as maintaining a relationship takes a lot of work. All to often its easy to blame the submissive as otherwise it means the Dominant has to look at their behavior and what THEY did wrong and accept and learn from it, not an easy thing for them to do. The slave should be able to state what it is she wants/needs/desires from the Master. To ask questions and get honest answers. To be able to say what she see for the future and whether that is something He wants as well otherwise what is the point in proceeding ? If the end goal for both of them is different? Where does that leave the relationship if its being build on misconceptions and going in different directions and the 'end' result is not the same for both ?

Love is a great first step in rebuilding a deep and meaningful relationship but it also takes communication, commitment, hard work, self examination, growth, honesty, faith and no outside interference to make it work. When all these are present then yes I do believe it can be worked on and fixed and the result is a stronger, healthier relationship.

Trust

There are many things I am passionate about, many things I will go to bat for and a few people I will defend and support to the end of the earth regardless of whether I think they are in the right or wrong.

Sometimes that loyalty is misplaced, I know this. How do I know ? Mainly 'cos when I defend or tell someone that what they ell me is in confidence and will not be shared, I am giving them my word that that is the case, I will not try to 'score' points with another and will not use what is said for my own gain.......... However ......... that is not always the case with other people...... and that to me is something I really cannot understand.

If a persons word is their bond why do so many people renegade on that ? Why does the mouth say something when they have no intention of actually being true to their word when as soon as an opportunity present itself they do something completely different ?

I must admit I do get confused and upset by how people act and behave, after all there really is no need. If scoring points or getting revenge is the motive at least be upfront and direct about it.
All too often people use other people for their own ends and leave a wake of hurt and saddened people behind them. Their motive is self gain and usually the self gain is only evident to themselves.

Trust is something i have a hard time giving to people - usually 'cos they have used or hurt me in some way in their pursuit of the 'prize' what ever that may be to them. In their wake they have caused me trouble and anguish, tears and sorrow and a lot of times blame and recriminations. After all if something appears one way stands to reason that is how it will e perceived by another person until proof and evidence points to the guilty party.

Guess the reason I am writing all this mumble jumble is to ask people to look around them, to realize that what they do affects people in ways they cannot imagine. Passing on things told in confidence or read or written hurts more people than just the one you are trying to either influence or get revenge on .. innocent people are left by the way side and for what ? For the need to be 'the one' or the desire to live a certain way with a certain person ? Is the animosity and hurt you leave really worth it ? And if you feel it is............ does that make you a good person ?

People See What They Want To See

How often have you been introduced to someone or heard something about them and formed an opinion of the,, a preconceived idea of them ? When you have preconceived ideas it stops you actually seeing the person for who and what they are. They might act a certain way with others but do we ever really know the full reasons why ? Was it something someone done to them ? They done to the other person? Does it affect how they are with us ?

Sometimes we get into a habit of only viewing a person a certain way and that limits us in our behaviour towards them, we are unable to see past our impressions regardless if they are true or false. We hear how someone else things or views a person and we take that as how they are.

Take a look at the person and not the gossip and rumors that surround them, after all opinions are one persons perspective on a certain thing, doesn't mean to say its the right perspective ...............

Look In The Mirror

How many people look in a mirror and really see themselves ? See what other people see ?
Do you ever look really hard and see the bags under your eyes ? Why are they there ? Stress ? Tiredness ? Worry ?
What about the lines on your forehead - What put them there ? Stress ? Worry ?
The smile you plaster on your face - Does it reach your eyes ? Does it light up your face or is it a mast placed there to fool people ?

So many times we look in a mirror and see what we want to see, we see what we want other people to see, few times do we actually look and see what is there, what is inside of us.

A person on the outside can see the things we 'gloss' over, the things we try to hide. They are there just hidden from ourselves ................

Whats in a Name ?

There seems to be a pre exisiting thought that a Master owns slaves and a Dom owns subs - why ? Why does the Master/Dom only own a certain type of person ? A person can be submissive yet not be a slave, in fact if truth be told there are few that actually make good slaves, and at times i count myself amongst those that are not good slaves, does this mean that i cannot be owned because i am not always a slave ?
Depending on the situation we are in, Master will say i am a sub and we are in a D/s relationship, othertimes i have been reffered to as His room mate and sometimes i am not reffered to as anything, just kitten, does this mean that i am not His at those times ?

I see so many claiming to be slaves and maybe some of them are, but how would they know if they are or not if they have never been owned or have only been owned in a D/s situation where the exchange of power is limited ? Can they really be slaves ? Are they subs ? Who cares any way ?

I am often told that i am too hard on the new ones, the young ones who claim that this is the life they need to complete them and make them whole, that they will serve a Master in all ways, willing to be used by the Master etc etc and after two weeks they are planning to move and be with that Master without really knowing anything about Him, His situation, what He likes to eat, drink, His hobbies, His interests etc etc, How can you serve a person you know nothing about ? How can anyone just up and leave their present situation with only brief interactions with a person they have only been speaking to for a couple of weeks ? What are they running away from ? What are they hoping that this new relationship will solve for them ? Do they know the details of the exisiting relationships ? Are they willing or able to be a part of that persons life in all ways ?

To be a slave is more than being a few holes to fuck, it takes commitment and dedication, it takes trust, faith, understanding, belief, it involves being a part of the bigger picture, wanting the Master to succeed, to achieve His dreams and goals, it takes knowing the person who you are submitting to - things that you cannot really understand until you know that person. A prostitute is a hole to screw, a hand is a way that a Master can get sexual relief but a slave needs to be so much more than either of them and that is where i have a problem, and yes i know that there will be some people sitting reading this saying i am too judgemental and maybe i am, but it takes a lot to be a slave and i really can't see how anyone can claim that title after talking for a few weeks to someone.

We read all the time about fakes and players, it comes from both side of the equation, the Doms and Masters who are not real and the subs and slaves who are just relieving the boredom. i do not claim to know all the details of everyones life, maybe they are in a bad situation and submitting to someone is the only way they can live their life, and if thats the case, good luck to them, but to give up everything within a month or so to be with a person you have only just started talking to is stupid - we all know that people can and do say the right thing when its only brief interactions, yet a 24/7 situation is so very difficult and very hard as well, ask any wife or real slave and they will tell you the same

To call yourself a sub or slave is a persons right, to submit to someone who you really don't know is also their right, to instal yourself into the lifes of others without really knowing what you are getting into is your right as well and if they choose to believe all they are told then that is their perogative.

Call yourself a slave, call yourself a sub, call yourself a Dom or Master, call yourself bi sexual or poly - it really does not matter, being any of those things takes time, work and understanding of what is involved, i would not call myself a rocket scientist without first learning what it is to be one, something i think some people might be well advised to understand, to be something first you have to know and understand what it is and what it involves ..............