Kittens Relationship

kitten has had a relatively good week end, she has had some hassles with others, but unfortunately for them kitten doesn’t think they realise what they say to her she tells Master, and she knows that they are trying to drive a wedge between Master and kitten, just wish they would leave Him alone and just pick on kitten, and He on the other hand wishes they would just go to Him and leave kitten alone, He hates that they put thoughts into her head, especially as they have never spoken to Him or know Him in any way, but in less then 18 days they will all be proved wrong, and no doubt so will a few others as well.

Talking to Master over the last few days the picture has become clearer, there are many who question why Master wants kitten with Him and why kitten wants to be with Master, well hopefully those reading this will understand a bit better if kitten can try to explain some of those reasons.

Kitten wants Master to be her Master, she wants and needs Him to be her strength, her sanity at times, she wants Him to be the one to tell her what to do and when, to guide her and to teach her, and in return kitten wants to serve Him, to make Him happy, to cook and clean for Him and to make sure He is well, that all He needs for the upcoming day is taken care of, both physically and mentally where possible.

Kitten wants to be His friend, to be someone He can talk and laugh with, to be someone He is comfortable being around without feeling pressured into talking to her or playing with her, she wants to be someone He knows will listen when life is tough and things are not always as He wishes them to be. Kitten wants to be someone He can rely on to always be honest with Him, to have an opinion but know that in the end it will be His opinion that is the one that matters and counts, she wants Him to be able to trust her and know that what she says is the truth always.

Kitten is not looking for more than Master will give, she is looking to Master to be just that, her Master, she has no wish for Him to be her boyfriend, her significant other or her partner, she needs Master to be her Master in all ways.

Kitten also knows that the things she likes Master does as well, she likes the thought of Him taking a crop to her, to Him lifting her skirt to slap her ass, hell even typing this makes her tingle with anticipation, Master likes the idea that a word or a phrase will make her wet with desire, will make her nipples hard and ache to be bitten, He likes the idea that she craves to be tied and used by Him, and this also makes the M/s relationship stronger, the liking of things, the needing of things.

Every M/s relationship is different, and kitten knows that after the fun there needs to be something to hold it together, the more Master and kitten talk and the more they interact the stronger that bond becomes, yes kitten will go to the beach with Master, yes she will go to the movies if He wishes her to go with Him, and yeap she will go to parties and where ever He wishes her to, but that is the point, it will be what He wants when He wants and kitten is so happy about that

kittens thoughts

Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away.

~ Tom Clancy

Living is the constant adjustment of thought to life and life to thought in such a way that we are always growing, always experiencing new things in the old and old things in the new. Thus life is always new.

~ Thomas Merton

What is kitten ?

When you read some of the posts and blogs out there, a question that is asked many times is what is a slaves role, what happens after the scene or the sex, when normal life is what surrounds you and you are left alone in a house with your Dom or Master, what then ? What do you do ? Sit in separate rooms ? Chat across a table at meal times only ? Ignore each other until the time He wants to use you again?

Kitten thinks if that was the case, there would be a lot of unhappy Doms and Masters out there, as well as subs and slaves, this might be M/s or D/s but it is still life and that would be pretty boring if there was no interests to hold you together on those quiet times, the times that everyone needs at times. Kitten has learnt some of Masters ‘moods’ she knows when to be quiet and not disturb Him, she knows when He wishes to ask her something or say something He will, and as kitten is happy within herself she is also happy with those quiet times, they are times to reflect on her life and to wonder how she got so lucky.

There are times when Master talks to her and to be honest kitten has no idea what He is speaking about, well that was then, at the moment Master is teaching kitten two separate things, not about BDSM, but these are things that interest Him and so kitten wants to learn, and she is, kitten knows she is not the smartest person but still He is not giving up on her, this to kitten means a lot as usually in the past kitten was not ‘taught’ anything except how to please sexually, but as kitten said, after the sex there is life, and knowing how to give your Master a blow job is good during a scene but what good does it do you in holding down a conversation ?

So what is a slaves place in her Masters life ? To kitten it is to be what He decides, when He decides, a slut when He wants her to be, silent when He needs her to be, a home maker, and no not in that way, but in the way of taking care of His basic needs, cooking washing etc, and being able to hold a conversation when He wants to talk to her.

Kitten is a slave, she is what Master wants her to be when He wants her to be, and that is something she is very happy being, Masters kitten

As Time Draws Closer

Well the days are counting down, finally kitten is at 21 days till she is with her Master, wow it seems like last week that kitten booked the ticket and now it is only 3 weeks away, is kitten excited ? Is she nervous ? Is she a bit worried ? well the answer is yes to all those and no doubt if kitten let herself think it would be yes to a few more, but at the same time kitten has a longing inside her that she knows will be satisfied, and nope not talking about sex either, she is talking about finally being able to live her life once more.

Some people are subs, some are slaves, some can take to this life so easily and others learn as they progress into it, kitten has learnt over the years, add that to what she feels and what she knows she needs to be happy then she knows that this is her life. Kitten knows there will be problems, the main of which is kittens attitude towards Master at times * think spoilt brat having a hissy fit* and this kitten thinks is because she is online and she has never known it before, and she knows Master is giving her a bit of slack * give her enough and she will hang herself with it* but tonight He said something that made kitten think............. He said “ Imagine you are here already and behave as you know you should “ wow that stopped her in her tracks, she knows she was behaving wrong and she hates that, but what can Master do to her ? Well He gave her a few suggestions, and none of which kitten liked.

That is the difference between real and online, well one of them, kitten has only known real and she will admit to having a few struggles with it, add to that the fact for once in her life * M/s life that is not work life * she has a ‘voice’ as such and she is allowed to express an opinion as long as it is done respectfully, she also has a Master who cares what she is thinking and feeling, again this is new and it scares kitten at times, she has always kept things to herself, she is the one who listens to others problems and doubts, no one has ever really listened to hers. Kitten has some freedom now, weird that, being owned and she has freedom, but she also thinks that she needs the structure as well, and that she will get when she is kneeling before Master. Kitten just hopes He has a large supply of valium, as she has a feeling kitten is going to drive Him nuts, but hopefully in a good way sometimes.

Kitten knows she needs the real time, she needs it to be happy, she needs to serve Master in person, all to often people online think that they are ‘living’ the lifestyle but it is nothing like reality, reality is where you find the sub inside yourself and that is where you learn to be happy,
Confused ? kitten is as well, all she knows is in 21 days she will be kneeling at Masters feet and she can’t wait

Trust Your Instincts

Have you ever noticed there are two sides to everything? There is one side that you believe to be true and one side that someone else tries to convince you is correct? Who do you believe though? Your instincts knowing that what you see and understand given past history is the only logical conclusion or another who has been proven to lie when it suits?

The thing about having two sides to anything is that it will take a third person to believe one of them, and that is then the basis of the final decision, rightly or wrongly, that is then what is believed as fact.

Kitten was told the other day she was smart, and she is, not book smart but street smart as it was, she trusts her instincts, having been ‘bitten’ too many times she is wary of many things and many people, and so far nothing has given her the belief her instincts are unfounded, all kitten knows is she is sick of the childish and pathetic slights that are being bandied about, she thinks it is time for some people to grow up to be honest.

kitten was also told she was being to sensative, that what was done was not aimed at her, maybe and maybe not, who can tell what goes on in anothers mind, all kitten knows is it got the desired effect and kitten was upset and so she left, she missed out on her time with Master and again this will no doubt have pleased someone else as then they had not one to 'compete' against,

In a few weeks kitten has a plane to catch to be with Master, but as things stand at the moment that is not something she is looking forward to as much as she was, He says things will be different but to be honest kitten has doubts about that, and if that is another’s wish to put doubts and uncertainty in kittens mind with the stupid things they are doing then they are certainly getting their desires.

Re reading this it really is a bichy post but that is how kitten feels at the moment and she is getting so fed up with others who see her as a threat, Master is poly, if it was not kitten then it would be someone else, guess when you submit to a poly Master you should really know what it means, jealousy has no place in this relationship and nor should nastiness and sneekiness

Fed Up

Kitten is in a rebellious mood, she really wants to throw her toys out of her pram and stamp her feet !

Kitten is getting kinda fed up with certain things but having broached the subject with Master already and nothing been done then she knows it is not going to be and that is something she has to live with, doesn’t mean she has to like it but as it is Masters wish things are as they are then kitten has to accept it and not let it get to her, but damn it, it does !

Kitten needs to think things through she thinks, she knows that what appears is not always what is, and she also knows that she is no different to anyone else, no more and no less than others but at times kitten gets the square peg feeling and she cannot shake it, its no good trying to tell Master as kitten herself cannot explain it, not in words that make sense anyway, well sense to others apart from kitten that is.

Guess this is a pity kitten post, but that is not what she wants, she wants answers to questions asked and reasons, both things she has no right to but which might explain things so she can understand them, and with reasons then kitten will understand as at the moment it seems as if she is on the outside and looking in and that no doubt makes some happy but not kitten

Treat Me like a Woman

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding." ~Anais Nin

Making Choices

As kitten sits here thinking, she knows that the time is moving faster, drawing closer to the time she can be where she needs to be, she says needs as at the moment she feels as if she is just filling time, she is alive but not living, if that makes sense, and she knows that for one of the few times in her life she is the one making the choices and that, to be perfectly honest, scares the life out of her.

Most of kittens adult life has been dictated by someone else and this time, while still being told what to do, kitten is the one responsible for the choice, and she is scared as so much of her life is now entwined with Master.

Can you imagine trusting someone enough to leave everything behind to be with them ? Can you picture yourself just walking away from everything so you can have the happiness Master says you deserve ? This is what kitten is doing and she does not know if she really deserves to be happy, and at what cost will her happiness be to her and to others ?

Most people want to be happy, kitten is no exception, the problem with kitten is she has got used to being content, there is a difference, to be happy involves more emotions and more feelings, to be content is easier, it means she is just that, content, she accepts what is her life and what it brings for her, she can move through the day without letting feelings and emotions give her a hope or glimpse of what she could have.

Making choices is something kitten hates to do, its something she is not used to and something she is scared she will get wrong, one of the good thing about being with Master is that she will not be making the choices, He will, and then she will know that it is the right decision

Thinking As Time Moves Closer

As the time for kitten to move to Master gets closer, so the questions and thoughts and fears mount, not fears of being with Him, that is not something that kitten worries too much about as she has always respected Him and knows He will not harm her intentionally, and intentionally is the word, there are times kitten has no doubt that He will hurt her, not physically but mentally as how can He not? Unless you know a person intimately, and then some more, know their very being then there is no way you can avoid hurting with a careless word or unthought-of phrase, but this kitten expects and knows will be dealt with when it arises.

Kittens concern is that she will be part of a Poly family, something she has been before and she knows the pit falls that can happen, and as in previous times, she will be a 24/7 live in slave, the good thing is Master has agreed that kitten can work, something kitten needs to do for her sanity and self esteem, having always worked kitten does not deal with inactivity well, lol even at work kitten is always being told to sit down and stop for 5 minutes !

It is not for the company or interaction that kitten needs to work, she often goes days without leaving the house or talking to anyone except Master and that does not bother her, kitten believe it or not is a solitary person, having been hurt by others in the past and not so distant pass, lies told and things not said or denied have made kitten wary of others, she has no wish to open herself to others any more, and she is not sure if that is something Master will allow, but it is something kitten wishes, being part of a poly family leaves kitten to open and she is not able to deal with that at this time, well she might be able but to be honest she has no wish to deal with it. Always before she has helped others in the family, taken a step back to let them have time when they seemed to be faltering, now she sees that her actions are not reciprocated, and while she never did it for that reason it is something she thinks is part of being a family is about.

A poly family is unlike other families, there should be a feeling of bonding with others and not a feeling of competition, it is not about me me me as in the case of children, it should always be about Master, Master Master and until that is THE focus of all concerned in the family tension and unrest will prevail. We all value the time Master spends with us, but by comparing what one gets as opposed to what you yourself receive will only make feelings of resentment grow, if Master spanks one and not another, so what ! If Master talks more on Monday to one than another Big Deal, people in a poly relationship need to be grateful for what they receive, and by doing stupid things, playing childish games, lying, moaning to others about your life and how it is not fair and in effect making life difficult for others is not a way to stay in a poly family with any happiness, Poly is not for everyone, many think it is but when reality sets in they realise that the green jealousy monster is the over riding emotion, and if you never admit that to yourself then you will never find true happiness.

A M/s relationship comes in many forms, poly is one of them

Square Peg

Do you ever feel you don’t fit in ? that you are a square peg in a round hole ?
Just lately kitten has been feeling those things, she has been re reading some things said to her and more and more she is feeling that she is that square peg, but the thing is, its not kitten that is the square peg at times, confused ? lol welcome to kittens mind.

There are times when kitten knows that she is only half living, that there is a part of her missing, and that part is Master, she needs to serve Him r/t, online is ok as a way of getting to know someone but r/t is where the dream becomes a reality, and the reality is not always what people imagine. This is something kitten yearns for, to serve, to submit, to be once more. Sometimes when kitten sees people in some of the adult sites playing at being a Dom and sub she honestly thinks they believe what their fantasies are is what this life is, omg if only it was like that at times, there would be no periods of silence while Master was with another * true is your Master or Dom is poly* there would be no trying to change who you are to make Him notice you * seen this happen a few times over the years, but the thing they fail to realise is that their Dom or Master accepted their submission based on them as a person, on how they were at that time *

Another thing that is so noticable is when people say one thing but in reality mean another, they talk so well because on line i does not affect them, but in r/t things are just that REAL, so while they can say that they will submit to anothers will with no problem so many of them can't, they talk the talk but cannot walk the walk. Another thing that is so noticable is how many on these sites say things because they think they can change the way a Dom or Master is, the image of the picket fence and rose garden is what they want, not a Dom but a boyfriend to go to the movies with or to take walks on the beach with, and this is something that a Dom does do with those they own but it is as a D/s or M/s not as a boyfriend/girlfriend.

kitten has been told by new ones who see her interaction with her Master that she is incapable of love, that is not true, kitten does love her Master, but she also knows that she loves Him as her MASTER, her FRIEND and as her One, she does not love Him as her boyfriend or partner, He will never be that and that is not what kitten wants, its confusing but it is this life, it is not what you see in the chat rooms, this is real and its wonderful if you want it to be.

So what does this have to do with kitten being a square peg ? Well she sees and hears things, she reads and tries to understand what is said and more and more she sees others ideas of what M/s life is and she sometimes wonders if it is her that is wrong ? Have the rules changed and no one told her ? Is she living in the past and how she was taught and what she believed in now obsolete ?

Kitten was taught that this life is not about her, there is no place for a me me me mindset, it is about the One you serve, Their wishes and desires are what matter most, she was also taught that sex was a privilege and not a right, and if she was to be on house cleaning duties for a month while her Master was with another in her freshly made bed then that is how it was to be * sure used to annoy kitten when she had just changed the sheets though * Kitten was taught that the word no was acceptable if she was prepared for the consequences, * learnt that most times it was not worth saying no * Kitten learnt what it felt like to be resented, * remember in some subs eyes kitten was the main sub, as she was married to Him but at times nothing could have been further from the truth * Yet through it all kitten knew she was born to serve another, she had a part of her missing if she was not submissive to her Master and that is how she is feeling now, she needs to submit to Him in r/t, she needs to feel Him around her, and nope not talking cuddles and pillows * private joke and one kitten is praying does not come true * but to feel His strength, His wisdom and His belief in kitten,

So is kitten a square peg ? Not really sure but she knows that if she is then she will do all she can to smooth the edges as she needs to be Masters gattino.