We Always Want More

Strange title for kitten writing isn't it - well there is a reason, and that is as a slave it seems to be inbred that we always want more, more time with our Master, more interactions, more sex, more everything, and those who think they have nothing really do not realize how much they actually have until they have the same as another slave * this applies to poly as well as when comparing to fellow slaves/subs*

It seems that there is a 'need' to compare, to want what the others have without really knowing what it is they have, all you can see is a preconceived idea of something, no fact based knowledge and that is the worst thing, especially if you have been in a position where you know exactly what it is the other slaves are getting.

Being envious of someone is nothing new, it seems that many subs and slaves have those feelings, they are not malicious in their intent but in their actions more, and that is where things fall apart, it might be that they read something and 'assumed' or they heard something and ' jumped to conclusions' what ever the reason the feelings of being given nothing are strong, lol if only they realized just how much they actually have in comparison to others then they might be thankful for that, instead kitten has seen them push and push at their Masters, questioning and asking, wanting more and more, but for them to get more they do not seem to realise that in the case of a poly Master this means someone else will get less - hhhmm something doesn't sound right there does it ?

For a sub or a slave to get more, then someone else is going to have to get less, and if they are not getting much in the way of interaction already then how can a sub or slave take that little bit from them ? Easily - because they THINK they are getting less than anyone else already, so in their mind they deserve more, and so the circle continues.

It is a Masters choice who He interacts with, who He talks/plays/laughs/jokes with and that is how it is supposed to be, might not be as you wish it to be but hell no sub or slave will ever truly be happy unless she has 100% of the attention, kitten knows this because she feels the same way at times but the difference is kitten not does not speak to Him about nothing unless He talks to her first, kitten has learnt to wait, and if that day there is no time to talk with her then thats ok, maybe tomorrow will be kittens turn. By kittens actions she is in fact allowing her own feelings and values intrude on what should be Masters choice, her own sense of what is right and wrong is interfering with what is Masters wishes, and that is something Master is trying to get through to kittens sometimes not so bright brain

Fed Up

Kitten is in a rebellious mood, she really wants to throw her toys out of her pram and stamp her feet !

Kitten is getting kinda fed up with certain things but having broached the subject with Master already and nothing been done then she knows it is not going to be and that is something she has to live with, doesn’t mean she has to like it but as it is Masters wish things are as they are then kitten has to accept it and not let it get to her, but damn it, it does !

Kitten needs to think things through she thinks, she knows that what appears is not always what is, and she also knows that she is no different to anyone else, no more and no less than others but at times kitten gets the square peg feeling and she cannot shake it, its no good trying to tell Master as kitten herself cannot explain it, not in words that make sense anyway, well sense to others apart from kitten that is.

Guess this is a pity kitten post, but that is not what she wants, she wants answers to questions asked and reasons, both things she has no right to but which might explain things so she can understand them, and with reasons then kitten will understand as at the moment it seems as if she is on the outside and looking in and that no doubt makes some happy but not kitten

Questions

There are many times in a slaves submission she questions herself, she questions her abilities, whether she is someone that her Master wants, she questions if she is really cut out for the life of a submissive, indeed she asks herself can she really be what her Master desires, will she ever be able to make Him happy

All these questions are normal, and this kitten knows, but just because they are normal does not stop them from entering a slaves mind, events happen that trigger thoughts off and then comes a period of doubt, it usually does not last long but then again it can last too long, during which time you can really go through some bad thoughts, so what does a slave do ?

Well she should talk to her Master for a start, good advice kitten knows, and some she should take herself but kitten being kitten does things differently, she doesn’t talk, not having been used to telling anyone before what she is thinking or feeling it does not come easy, and on the few occasions she did tell her ‘friend ‘ it was used against her, more reason for kitten to keep her own council.

Kitten has been a slave for a long time but that does not mean she is immune to the thoughts and feelings of a new one, indeed sometimes because kitten knows a bit more about the lifestyle it makes the thoughts worse, and while she knows that things will work out as they are meant to it does not stop her having concerns.

When feelings and thoughts are predominant in a slaves mind, she should take the time to look at what causes them, she should examine the reasons and ask herself, is this something that is going to be a regular occurrence, and if it is, is it something she can live with, get past or accept ? The answer to these questions needs to be yes, as without a yes to the last two if the first one is yes then life as a slave can be very hard.

Talking is a great way to work your fears and problems out, but sometimes, the need to go within yourself is too great, so thats what kitten does, she goes inside and tries to figure things our herself, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but thats something kitten has to deal with.

As the time draws nearer for kitten to finally be with her Master she knows that there will be more questions and more events which will call into play all her strength and resolve, is she strong enough to deal with these things ? Only time will tell

The Submissive

kitten loves this, the words are so powerful and meaningful

Sometimes its better not to talk

“Talk to me, tell me what you are doing, I have a right to know and you are going to tell me “ These are the words kitten was greeted with from her daughter, seems she was not content with talking kittens passport so kitten could not go to Master * kitten got it back when daughters boyfriend found it and wondered why it was in his house* no it seems she has been going through kittens computer and is telling her father all that kitten is doing * and kitten is sure most of it is made up as kitten hasn’t done anything wrong*
Kitten is going to be with Master soon for a visit, hopefully if things go well and Master is happy with kitten it will be more but in the mean time kitten seems to be getting objections and questions, arguments and bad feelings from every angle, and to be honest, it is wearing kitten down.
There are certain things kitten does not feel her daughter needs to know, and kitten would tell her if it was her business, but as it is, she is old enough that she has her own life now, so why can kitten not be allowed the same ? kitten knows ex is not happy, lol got the bruises to prove it* kitten doesn’t think he meant to push her really but guess he got cross with kitten * but at the end of the day, he has another sub, one who he loves to flaunt in kittens face at every opportunity so why can kitten not have a Master who respects her and treats her as a Master should ?
Guess this is just another step kitten has to take to be happy, and take the steps she will, kitten has been at the receiving end of so much that now it is her turn, and to hell with those who don’t like it, after all the only one who has a say in this is Master.

Time Drawing Closer

kitten is ashamed to admit, her feelings and thoughts got to her last night, things being done, the wrong thing said at the wrong time and yeap, kitten ran, she ran for her sanity, for her fears, and so she could not hear the next thing said, she was so scared what Master would say to her that she ran before she could hear it, and that is not acceptable.

Its been awhile since kitten ran last, she thought she was getting past that, the fear that causes her to close herself away, her need to 'regroup' and calm down, her need to leave and not listen to Master, something she knows she must do as He will never hurt her, hell He is one of the only ones that has never hurt her intentionally, and even when it was by accident, well He was as upset as kitten was, and if that doesn't show you what type of Man He is nothing will.

kitten knows her being with Master is something she craves and each day brings that time closer and closer, at the same time she knows there are problems and difficulties to be faced with others,as there are when ever a new one is added to the mix, but ultimatly it is Masters choice if kitten comes and there is nothing anyone can say or do to prevent that, all that rests on Masters shoulders, and it is His desire that kitten is there as much as it is kittens, serving a Master long distance is one thing, it is only when the real time is there can you truely feel the power of a Master, not just physical but mental and emotional as well, and many think they are prepared for a life of servitude after talking online or on the phone, sadly this is not always the case.

It has been said that kitten is a bad slave, she is sassy, a smart ass and cheeky, she is also prone to closing things inside and not sharing them, add that to her thoughts and confusion and its not wonder kitten needs a strong Master to serve, but no matter what others think of kitten it is Masters views and opinions that matter the most, and those are the ones she listens to,

kitten started to write this as a soon be with Master post, but as with all of kittens thoughts, one thing turns to another and so the thread has changed, in 87 days kitten will be with Master, just hope that is enough time for all the fears and worries, both kittens and others, to be put aside so all can learnt to accept and know that kitten has no wish to take anyone's place, kitten serves Master as Master wishes, in all ways it is always His choice what kitten does and doesn't do, she is a slave, she is Masters slave, she is Masters kitten

Keys of a Slave

These are the keys of a slave

Faith... in your Master and all He does, faith in yourself to know that you are a good person and will do your best for Him always

Humility... to know that you are not perfect, not matter what you might think ultimatly you are not a perfect person

Respect.... For your Master and for your sisters but also you must have respect for yourself

Patience... You need patience to know that all things happen for a reason, you are a worthy person but at times you will be over looked and 'forgotten' about, have the patience to sit and wait until your time comes

Compassion... to know that the world does not revolve around you, your needs are not the most important ones, remove the Me, I and Mine from your vocabulary and open yourself up to feel for other people, to listen to them without it always being about you

Courage.... Have the courage to follow your dreams no matter how many times others try to discourage you or knock you down, Master is your strength, but you are strong as well

Perseverance.. to know that you will achieve your desires, no matter who stands in your way you will keep trying and trying, never give up on your dreams

Thinking

As kitten sits here thinking of what to write she starts to think about things that have affected her life in one way or another, there are things in everyone’s life that have an effect on them, whether meaningful or negative, its up to the individual how they perceive these events.


Kitten knows she is outspoken at times, she is too honest at times and as such she sees things that effect her and so she reacts, this is wrong, but kitten, apart from being a slave is also a person and as such she has feelings and emotions, maybe too many, who knows, but that is part of who she is.


There are times when kitten knows she needs to walk away from a situation, to ignore things said and done, is she mature enough? Sometimes she is and at others she isn’t, this is a fault of hers, and one she tries hard to improve on but as with all things she has lapses and its those lapses that hurt people around her, something she doesn’t wish to do but its the old mentality, striking back and defending.
So what do you do in that situation? Well the best thing to do would be to walk away, to turn the other cheek and not let them affect her, in the ideal world everyone who kitten interacts with would be mature and self assured enough to take another’s point of view, but again this is not something that is possible, as long as there are two people with minds and brains there will be two people with views they think are right. If someone says something that you don’t like, something you disagree with then walk away, ignore and not take any notice, if they wish to take it further then they are the ones who are going to look stupid in the end, as it will only make them look petty and vindictive.


Problems are with us in ever step of our lives, its the way we deal with them that make us the people we are, and kitten dealt with her problem badly, again it takes a big person to admit they were wrong in their reactions.

Trust

A lot of this life is taken on trust, a sub/slave HAS to have complete trust in the One that owns her, her life is in His hands and as such He has the power to either enrich that life or destroy it, by the same token a Dom or Master has to have trust in those who serve Him, indeed He cannot accept submission from someone He doesn’t trust as this makes a mockery of all this life stands for.

At the same time a sister in a poly relationship needs to have trust in others within the family unit, she needs to know that those in that family are ones that will help and support her at times of stress and not turn a bad situation into one that will benefit herself, this involves a lot of trust on both parts and this is something that is not always there.

To submit to a Poly Master is something many say they have no problem with, however when they are greeted with one of their ‘sisters’ this can soon change, personality conflicts can sometimes sour what could be a good relationship, as can jealousy and a feeling of being slighted when things are said, especially if one is more experienced than another as is often the case. There are many times when the more experienced one is not the primary slave but this by no means gives the other the right to try to dictate actions to her, if she was to open her mind to the possibility that there is a lot to be learnt from another then the whole family unit can and more often does exist in harmony, something any Dom or Master wishes for.

A Dom or Master chooses those who serve Him for many reason, it is something that in all honesty only they will ever know but He chooses those He thinks will compliment each other, especially if He has wishes for them to ‘play ‘ and engage in many sexual activities together, again this is where trust comes in, you need to know for certain that you can trust a sister who is going to be inbetween your legs as they have teeth !! All joking aside, if you do not trust then you need to look at the reasons why, sometimes others versions of the truth are just that ‘ Their’ versions and not necessarily ones that are right, and by the same token if a sub/slave is all sweetness and light all the time, chances are she is a power keg waiting to go off and if you are not careful you might just be the intended victim.

To have trust in others you first need to trust yourself, and that starts with stopping pretending, stop acting as if you are perfect, no one is, we are all human and we all have hopes, wishes and desires, kitten tends to have more faith and trust in those who don’t lie to themselves as she has a feeling they are less likely to lie to others and trust cannot be built on lies.

Past Present Future

There are many things that happen in life that hurt a person, and its strange how a simple conversation can bring those things back into your mind.
Kitten was having a conversation with her Master last night, He was teasing her, and the subject was in one way a normal one but as the chat went on, things started going through kittens mind, things from the past and it upset kitten, stupid she knows as Master had no knowledge and so was at a loss as to what was going on. The past has a way of invading the present and affecting the future, and if no one knows what is upsetting then they will invariably touch on that subject and re open old wounds, things which in theory you should be able to get over but as with all things, sometimes the hurt goes too deep and the easiest way is to shut it away in your head and try to ignore it, pray that it never happens again.
Kitten shut down last night, she took the pain, she became a ‘robot’ and let it take over her until she couldn’t take it any more and she became a ‘zombie’ if you like, she went through the motions, she did things automatically and with no thoughts or feelings, she could not explain to Master what was wrong and she still hasn’t, some things are best left in her head and no in the open, for the first time that she can remember kitten was glad Master was busy else where so He would not ask her questions, so He would not want to know what was wrong, lol the good thing was that the things kitten had to do needed no thoughts or interaction with others, that she doesn’t think she could have coped with without having a complete melt down.
Kitten wrote last night, she wrote of her pain, her feelings, her anger all things that she then destroyed it in the vain hope that this will make things disappear but she knows it won’t, she knows that the wrong word or the right question will bring it all back, so she is prepared, she is ready for it, but the question is,, will she be able to cope with it ?
Some things are best left in the past, unfortunately, the past shapes the present and the present determines our future,, so its all interlinked. We can change our own futures but the past that will always remain the same, and can we ever really get over the past ? kitten hopes so as her future depends on it

Poly Masters and slaves

A lot is said about being in a relationship and how a slave has no rights, but to kitten this is wrong, we do have some rights, and those are the rights of any human being, the right to be respected. What Master would want something He did not respect? the only type of Dom/Master would be an abusive one, to take a sub/slave and treat them with no respect is a form of abuse and it can and does destroy a slaves self esteem and a good Master builds a slave’s esteem as this makes her more worthy to Him as a person as well as a slave

A slave in a poly relationship has no rights over her Masters time and that is obvious in how she can be treated, she will sit and wait for Him to notice her, this is more evident online when the contact is limited anyway, add to this a time difference and this is more difficult, a Master will take this into account and will make sure that any time He is going to spend with that slave is hers, this does not always happen but kitten hopes that you would get that ‘special’ time at least twice a week, as everyone, including the Master needs to bond, and this is the way it happens.

Another thing kitten feels is that a slave needs to know exactly who is in the ‘ family’ who the other slaves and subs are, who else is a sister and to what degree, this is something that needs to be known, a Master who has 3 slaves is more able to satisfy the needs of His property than a Master who has 10, this kitten has seen a few times and to be honest if a Master is not telling you all involved in His life as a Master then you need to look at the reasons why ,, does He have too many to be able to be there for you when you need Him? Does He not regard you as a part of His family but more a distraction?

Kitten feels that to form a poly then all people involved need to know about each other and communicate, the doubts and misconceptions are fed when you discover that your Master has others you knew nothing about yet your sisters did and had been interacting with them alongside your Master, this leads you to question why you were not informed, a slave left out of the family is not a slave, she is just a person, and if she is to be part of the family then she needs to be included, that is not ‘Domming from the bottom’ that is being part of her Masters life, He accepted her gift of submission and all that it entailed, so to then not have her as part of Him is something she needs to ask why.

Something else that is important is you role in Masters life, what are you? if you are a sex slut then He will let you know that is what He wants from you but if He will not play with you then chances are that is not the role He has in mind for you, every slave fills a part of her Master, and a slave needs to know what part she is to fill,, if He wishes you to be a chauffeur and you cannot drive, then you will be of no use to Him! If He wants to take a whip to you and you hate pain, again some problems will arise, these are things that really need to be worked out and discussed.

It is hard for human nature not to get involved and jealousy is the one sure part of any slave regardless of whether she has been a slave for a 10 days or 10 years, the slave that says she is not jealous at some point or another is lying, both to herself and to her Master, something that a true Master will know and recognise as such, kitten does get jealous, not of the time spent with others as such but more of the time not spent with her. Kitten knows she has no rights over her Master but if looked at it another way, which Master would want a slave that is indifferent to Him? Who really didn’t care if He spoke/played/conversed with her? in one way the jealousy is a sign that a slave desires and wants her Master, and this can only be a good thing, as long as those feelings are not left to take over a slaves or a Master life then jealousy is an emotion that shows a Master how much He is love and desired, not only sexually but in an every day way as well

More kitten thoughts,, lol kitten really needs to stop writing what she feels!