Yesterday was a bad day for me, i will not go into details as those important to me know them but it made me ask something from Master that i have not even thought about in so long - i told Him that what i was going through was not fair to Him and i fully understood if He wanted to release me, i tried to explain that my 'problems' were not something He could ever have anticipated and as such they were not fair to Him and how He wants to live His life. He refused.
After much talking and honesty between us i am finally now at that place i had only hoped for previously, i am fully His slave now. The timing of this is ironic because of the things i am - no WE are going through but in one way i think it had to be this way, i needed events to happen so i could fully allow myself to be His in all ways.
I am to be taken deeper into submission, He is going to be harder,and more consistent with me, i am to ask for more things than i previously had to - even sitting on the furniture is not my right any more, i have to ask. I have certain chores i must do daily and there is no excuse not to do them, little things that previously i would either do or not do depending on what i had planned, now my day is not mine to plan but all chores/tasks/jobs are to be approved by Him the previous night. We know that sometimes unexpected things happen and its not always possible to stick to the routine but i am expected to stick to it as much as possible - at least until He is satisfied that i am learning the lessons He is teaching.
He wants more extreme M/s and He feels that now i am finally ready to take that step and so do i, it scares me and yet i am excited. I do not need my life micro managed but i can feel His power over me more and more as the days move forward, i am falling deeper into what He wants me to be.
I am finally able to say with the utmost conviction - I am kitten, i am Masters slave and i am here because He has allowed it
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