Do you ever notice how the past has a way of catching up with you ? The when things seem to be going well along it comes to throw a spanner in the works ? Well its happening to me right now and i am not sure how to deal with it.
I had a phone call the other day and it was from my ex - it seems he wants me back. Now that in itself was strange enough but his whole manner and how he was speaking to me really threw me, he was pleasent, mild mannered, enquiring about me and my health * neither him or the children know about my ongoing drama with my health and the tests/biopsys as i didn't think it was fair to burden the kids with that * He wanted to know what i was up to and how i was fairing, was i happy, did i regret leaving the kids, my job and family and friends.
He was dropping very subtle hints and first and when i didn't repsond in the way he wanted he came right out and told me he thought it was time to end this nonsense and come home, he would make sure i was ok and he would look after me. Eeeeeeeerrrrr no thank you, i have been there and done that and it was not nice !!!
Now i will be the first to say that my life here is not perfect, i am really happy with Master, i could not wish for a better man, He is firm but fair, which i need, He is funny, loves to play about * hhmmm He now has this thing with the ice packs which well lets just say ..... damn they are cold * He is loving and seems to know when i need a hug and thats a bonus cos i will never ask for one but there are times unknown to me that i need one and He is SEXY !! He has drive and ambition and finally He is an all round good guy.
But and heres the thing, i miss my family and my kids, i miss my old job and i miss my friends, lol i miss the shops and the food brands * hence why i now weight 130lbs instead of 180lbs * Damn it i even miss the dog and she drove me mad ! I can't say i miss the weather cos its freezing here but i do miss the closeness of things around me. Sometimes i could sit and cry at the sense of loss i feel but then Master says something or looks at me with that twinkle in His eye and i know i made the right decision and all feeling of remorse is thrown out of the window.
I guess i am feeling sorry for myself, i am getting closer to a day i am scared of, its my daughters and my sisters birthday on wednesday, a day of celebration but its also the day i get my biopsy results and thats scary, its also a day i take a test to see if i can get another part time job so i can help more with the finances as Master has some really good ideas which He is looking into and i would love to see them come about.
I know that ex will try to speak to me on wednesday, he knows how emotional i get on the kids birthday, was his call just a paving of the way to try to wear me down ? Who knows, i might be wrong as i haven't told Master yet about the conversation with ex but He is dealing with issues and people of His own and i will not add to His burden.
Sometimes life is a strange thing, the unexpected hits you when you least expect it, i just know i have to stay strong and take the days as they come, wednesday will be my D day in more ways than one i fear.
No comments:
Post a Comment