One Year On

Well i have been here a year now, been Padrones property real time for exactly a year and in that time there has been a lot of changes.
I have seen people come and go, some i miss and some not as much. I have watched Him battle with His desicion about this lifestyle when He got involved with a vanilla person, wached the heartache He faced when she gave Him a choice, her or this life, He chose the life and i pray its not something He will ever regret. I have struggled and fought my way through some bad moments, some times when i wondered what the hell i was thinking of to give up everything for a dream, a 'fantasy' yet through it all we remained consistant and strong, the arguments not lasting long and each one giving us a clearer understanding of each other.
This life is not an easy one but it is a full one, it can and is great when it works, yet like all lifestyles it takes work and trust, faith and commitment and you can weather the storms, you can survive all that is thrown at you, you just need to know that this is what you both need/desire/want.
All too often you see this life depicted in a series of sex pictures, lol if only that was true, but its not, its about being committed, having trust, faith, hope, dreams,desires, needs, wants, and doing the dishes !!
If this is the life you truely want then i will support you, help you, guide you and encourage you - if this is a game to you then i will wish you well and hope you have fun. Everyone seeks different things from this lifestyle, for me it was an all or nothing deal, and i have it all and am so very happy

Why Do People Have Cyber Courage ?

The other day i was talking to a friend and they asked me what i had done - i was confused. Done ? in what way ? What was she talking about ? Well it seems a 'mutal' friend had displayed cyber courage once more and written about certain things, in a veiled way of course and with inferred references instead of actually coming out and saying anything but those who know me and that person both know who she was reffering to.
What really surprised me was this person approached me and started talking to me, not the other way around, and this same person spent 40 minutes bad mouthing her former Master and blaming everything on Him and others but never themselves, in their minds they are totally blameless.
Not once in that whole 40 minutes did this person ask after my health, even knowing that i have been having tests for cancer, not once did the conversation go to anything except herself and her woes etc etc yet she posts she cannot talk to me !!!
I am really surprised at how different people view the same conversation and said as much to my Master, i will admit i was pissed, furious in fact as this person has cyber courage yet when talking to me is all sweetness and light, the two facedness is something i find really hard ti understand.
I know we are all self serving at times but come on, show some respect for others, if you have something to say at least have the courage of your beliefs and tell them to their face, i so wanted to go to this other person and tel them a few home truths, clear the air but i was forbidden to do so, and so i ended up having an agrument with Master which i am sure if they had known would have pleased them !
I know there are times i am opinionated and i shoot from the hip, if people do not like what i have to say that is fine, it is my view or opinion and if you ask me something i will tell you and not lie to you unlike some will, i am confident in my self and my position with my Master that i do not need validation from others yet i am still human and if attacked i will strike back when pushed into a corner, if you don't like that then i suggest you either talk to me and bitch and moan at me or you keep quiet, posting stuff across the internet only makes you look stupid * as this is proberbly making me look right now but i am fed up with people thinking they can take pot shots at me for no reason*
Cyber courage is a wonderful thing, it makes a person look pathetic, and from what i was told * i refuse to read what was written as then i really would be feeding into their delusions* this was a cyber post which achieved nothing except to make them look petty

I am Submissive

I am submissive, i am an owned slave, i live 24/7 with my Master in a TPE relationship.
No matter what social site i am on the above sentance forms part of my profile, it is who and what i am, that does not change. So why then do 'new' people who interact with Master seem to think i am going to 'Dom' them as well ? To me it just shows the total lack of understanding of what a submissive is. I have no desire to be a switch, its not in my make up, i am submissive to my Master and i do as i am told sexually but at the same time He knows that i am not one to swop from being a sub to a dom just because some fruit loop online has desires to e 'taken' by a man and woman together.
All too often i see online people talk about how they want to be used and abused, monkey sex 24/7 and be dominated sexually, often times they get with a Master who already has a slave and seem to think that their wants and needs are the only thing that the Master is going to fulfill, to the point of Him telling those He already owns to do what the new one wants because she is new and learning. This is not how things should be, well in my opinion any way and as i am the one writing this its my opinion that counts.
A Master has an obligation to those He owns to make sure all her needs and desires are also being fulfilled, telling her to crawl around on all fours and bark does not make her a dog the same as telling her to take a flogger to a new one does not make her a switch, if she has no desire to do this and she finds it hard to actually comprehend then why would she be told to do something that goes against the grain of her very being ?
All too often when a new one comes along the facination of a new pussy, the golden hole is very strong for a Master and He seems to block out everything and everyone else out, this can and does cause damage to those already part of the 'family'. While i understand the need to spend more time with the new one to teach her and mentor her a good Master should also realise that the chances of her actually being 'real' and interested in this way of life are very slim once the initial sex fest has worn off, and if He is not careful then He will have caused irrepairable damage to the existing real slave He owns (owned). And to be fair its not always His fault, new ones coming into an existing relationship often feel they have to manipulate and monopolize the Masters time and attention because they feel inferior - this again leads to Him ignoring the basic needs of those already under His control.
A lot is said about subs and slaves not being able to handle poly and the arguments and jealousy that results from it but in my honest opinion not all Masters/Doms can handle it either, they do not understand that while they might be having fun with the new one all the time they are failing to attend to the others in the family, and that is where the problems start.
To be poly takes a certain quality in a person and that goes for ALL involved whether its a sub/slave or Master/Dom, there ae certain things that should not be overlooked as when things go pear shaped many will find themselves all alone with nowhere to turn.

Finally Back

Well i survived, after a week away from home for personal reasons i am back and i will be the first to admit i am glad. It seems that in less than a year this is now home to me, its where i want to be in my life and for good or bad the week apart from Master has had its good points and its bad.

I am in a way glad for the separation, it has helped bring us to a place where we need to be, all to often things go 'stale' and a slave gets taken for granted, if they are always there then how can a Master really appreciate all that they do for them ? The same goes for a Master, if He is constantly looking out for His property then how can she know what to do when He is not there ?

There has been a lot going on in our lives this past month and that has added to stress on both parties, hell my face tells its own tale with my eyes being nearly swollen shut with stress related sties and its been painful to say the least. There comes a time when you need to step away, take a backward step to figure out where the hell you are going and the reasons why, i know i have hadmore than a few of those moment this past month and no matter how much Master says it will all be ok and things will be fine i could not see the wood for the trees surrounding me and that scared me, would it be ok ? would things be better than they have been this past few months ? is this really what Master wants or needs in His life ? So many questions and me without an answer to any of them, just having to cope as best i can and pray things work out so He is happy and if they do then at what cost to me and my happiness ?

Sometimes stepping back is the only option and sometimes it seems there is no way forward but with faith and trust in your Master you carry on and pray that things are this way now for the eventual better outcome, are things different now ? have they improved ? will there be happiness for all involved ? i don't really know at the moment all i can do is wait and hope

Stand

I have just finished reading a book called The Freedom Writers Diary and it is an inspirational book with so much inside it but one thing that 'spoke' to me is a poem one of the teenagers wrote to read to the then Secetary of Education Richard Riley .................

Stand

Stay Black
Stay Proud
Stay White
Stay Proud
Stay Brown
Stay Proud
Stay Yellow
Stay Proud

Don't be afraid to be what you are
'cause all you can be is you
You'll never be anything else but you,
So be the best you,you can be
Keep it real
By all means
at all times

Whether a lawyer, a doctor, a football player,
A toilet cleaner, a garbage handler, a panhandler -
Keep it real
And still ---
Be the best you can be

Have pride, have dignity, stand
Stand proud, talk proud, act proud, be proud!

Don't lay down
back down
bow down
run away
sell out yourself, sell into criticism

Be real and realise that the ones who criticize,
best recognize that you are you -
take it or leave it .

"MMM HMM"
I knew you'd get it.
Get what ?
The stuff -
the stuff called pride, that attitude, that aura,
your identity, your self, your pride, peace of mind,
worry free.

See I can't be you, but I'm a damn good ME !

Life Changes

I wrote this last year, just a few short weeks after i arrived here to be with Master.....

There
are many things that kitten thinks of when she thinks of Master, He is
strong, has a body to die for, He is successful in His chosen field, He
is kittens rock when she is scared * been a few of those times* and He
is someone you can rely on to tell you the truth no matter what is
asked of Him, in all He is someone that a person, not just a slave, can
depend on BUT and this might get kitten a few bloody pillows, the one
thing He never fails to do is make kitten smile and laugh.

The other night, one of
the cats * and he knows which one he is, have no doubt kitten had stern
words with him * decided to bring a playmate home. Now for those who
are not aware, kitten is now in Florida, and this is the land of
geikos, snakes and countless other things that either crawl or slither
across the floor it seems and the cat decided it was going to bring one
in, not dead as he rarely kills them. Kitten went into the kitchen to
get Master a drink, and the new playmate ran out from under the
fridge, kitten did what any self respecting kitten would do, a
screaming dance that would rivel those on the TV !

Well kittens scream
brought Master running, think He thought kitten was being murdered, and
there ensued a scene that kitten can only describe as worthy of a
comedy show ! Picture the scene, kitten screaming and running outside,
standing on a bench so it can’t get her * found out afterwards the
bloody things can climb* and a naked Master chasing this thing
around the room with a broom, then in comes the cat, who showed total
disinterest in the scene happening in the kitchen and proceeded to
climb on the nightstand and fall asleep.

Why is kitten posting this you might ask, well for three reasons

1 – To show that no matter what the problem is, a Master will come if you scream

2- A Master is a complex person but a person none the less and will provide safety when He is able

And

3 – It was so bloody funny

The reason i posted this is to show how things change in a year, now we have a gecko living in the house with us, another playmate the cat brought in and got bored with so it hid out under the telly where it now lives, to the extent Master has taken to leaving it bits of celery and lettuce so it has a balanced diet !!!! and yeap we still have the two cats and they totally ignore it !

When i first got here i was one of two slaves Master owned, now i am the only one, during the year we have had a few come to visit and stay with us but not to actually live but we are still hopeful that someone real will come along who wants to be part of our poly family.

I have been with Master a year real time now and apart from some health issues i have been busy, i work full time yet still do the houshold chores and all the shopping, we walk approximatly 2 to 3 miles a day and play tennis 2 to 3 times a week as well, i have felled 4 trees and laid a driveway, learnt to drive on the wrong side of the road and can find my way around the town * based on what shops i have to drive past but lol as a map system it works *

So many changes in my life, so many twists and turns but through them all i have remained faithful to Master and He has protected me and guided me to where i am today. I am kitten no more no less, i am me and that is enough for Master