Fear

THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR EXCEPT FEAR ITSELF

This is so true, i 'survived' the first round at the hospital yesterday and am still around to tell the tale, i am hurting and tender but so far so good.

Master really doesn't trust me i concluded yesterday, i was hoping He would just drop me at the door and return for me later, i had it all planned but nope - He came in with me *@#$#@#$%^%$

Entering the hospital there was a seating area where we had to wait, right near an exit, hhhmmm now if only i could get Him to leave i would be out that exit so fast their heads would spin, i think Master is a mind reader cos He held my hand and just shook His head * insert swear word here* He stayed with me till i went into that room with no exit, they see you entering and boy are they not letting you out again till they are ready ! He said He would be there when i called and with a hug and a kiss He left me, the temptation to follow Him and beg Him to take me with Him was so strong, i didn't want to be here, there was a mistake and everything was ok now so please open the door and let me out.

Once i was in the ward there were people fussing over me constantly, that scared the bejeezus out of me, not being left alone to gather my thoughts, to contain my fear and when one of them stupidly asked if i was staying the night i was off that bed in a flash, nope not me, i am going home or am not staying its that simple !!

I was taken to the theater earlier than planned * guess they thought i might still make a run for the door and to be honest if the opportunity had arose i would have !* and i was back in recovery in what seemed like no time at all but was actually a couple of hours later, they tell me my first words were to call Master so i could go home and where was the coffee they promised me !!!

Master came and was given instructions about what to do etc and we were soon on our way, i have never been so grateful as i was yesterday to see Him, knowing that now i was safe and He would protect me and look after me. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and checking that He was still there, i hurt and my stomach is swollen so its a good job i still have a few of my old clothes that are normally too big that i can still wear.

Well this is the first step down, just got to get through next weeks and then i will be able to move forward, but i know that Master will support me no matter what the results are, lol He doesn't always seem it but He really does have the patience of a saint at times which is a great quality when you have a patient as obstinate as i am - lol there was mention of tying my to the bed last night but when He saw the glint in my eye He soon changed His mind !! * spoil sport **