Once more kitten sits here, she wants to write about her day yet for some reason the words will not flow, lol and those who know kitte know that is usually not a problem for her at all !
kitten started her 5 things this morning, one of them is to write down all that she is thinking, her fears, doubts and worries, all this on one side of the page and then all the positive things on the other side, no matter what they concern kitten writes them down, and then she leaves them and gets a coffee * everything is always better with a coffee in your hand * Return to the list 10 minutes later, and read it, add things if needed but more importantly take each thing one at a time and read it, really read it and then ask yourslf questions * ok this is where people might think kitten is strange, but if you have a worry about something, Why does it worry you ? what will be the worst that can happen ? see where kitten is going with this ? *
One of the things that kitten is/was worried about was meeting Master in the flesh for the first time, was she going to disappoint Him ? Well that went on kittens list, and after reading it, and then re reading it kitten came to the answer......... NO she wasn't going to be a disappointment to Him. See the way kitten is looking at it now, she was good enough for Master to talk to in the beginning, and she is good enough for Him to talk to now. Master knows more about kitten than kitten does at times * He is a smart Man * kitten will not profess to be perect, * lol ask Master, she is wayyyyyyyyy from that with all her no's and hell no's * but kitten tries, and that Master knows and kitten thinks He is proud of her for that, add to that the laughter and the fun that kitten has with Master, well would He tease and torment kitten if she was not good enough for Him ? kitten thinks not
Master is no ones fool, He will not settle for second best in anything He does or in anyone He owns, that and that alone tells kitten she is good enough for Master, and kitten knows she is not second best any more, she is Masters kitten, something to be really proud of and something to hold close to her as she crosses that off her list.
Saturday, 31 January 2009
True For You
This is something to read often and think about, especially if you can read it and know it is true for you
Friday, 30 January 2009
A Good Day
Today has been a good day, things seemed to be on an even keel, there was one point kitten felt herself fighting against herself and her thoughts but that was soon pasted over, shut away and apart from the brief moment it was allowed to escape it is now forgotten, and that is how it needs to be, it is something kitten learning to control more, and with that contol comes an uneasy peace, fragile but needed.
kitten knows there are things she needs to work out, and these things are kittens to deal with, there is no other help to be had, as the thoughts are something inside kitten and the feelings they produce are things kitten and kitten alone needs to work on, to not feel is to be dead, but to feel too much is to slowly kill yourself, there is a fine line that needs to be walked at times.
kitten was asked why she had so many negative feelings about meeting Master and that made her think, she really wants to be with Master, and if He is there all the time all well and good and if He isn't then that is good as well, kitten does not feel negative about being with Him, she is churning with excitement inside, ok the grief with family does nothing to help her she will admit but that is nothing new, and kitten is so looking forward to being with Him, she is scared though, scared she will not be good enough, or she will fail Him in some way, frightened that He will not like her once she is there, worried He will grow bored with kitten within days, nervous about whether she can look her best * or as good as she can look* for Him at all times, silly things but with the other things in kittens head they just add to the confusion and worry.
Anyone gathered by now kitten is a worrier ?
kitten is wrting a list now, a list for her, on this list are 5 things that kitten needs to do daily, they are simple things but they are things kitten needs to do, all designed to boost kittens confidence, to help her improve herself and she is going to do the list daily until she no longer needs the list as they are part of her routine, this for kitten is the first step towards dispelling some of the fears she has, in 75 days kitten will be with Master, that gives kitten 75 days to improve her views of herself, she knows it will not be easy, lol she is already expecting a set back next week when ex comes round, but kitten has her list, she will do it daily and hopefully she will not disapoint Master, god kitten really prays she doesn't, ok that was not a good thought, its gone now, put away again
kitten knows there are things she needs to work out, and these things are kittens to deal with, there is no other help to be had, as the thoughts are something inside kitten and the feelings they produce are things kitten and kitten alone needs to work on, to not feel is to be dead, but to feel too much is to slowly kill yourself, there is a fine line that needs to be walked at times.
kitten was asked why she had so many negative feelings about meeting Master and that made her think, she really wants to be with Master, and if He is there all the time all well and good and if He isn't then that is good as well, kitten does not feel negative about being with Him, she is churning with excitement inside, ok the grief with family does nothing to help her she will admit but that is nothing new, and kitten is so looking forward to being with Him, she is scared though, scared she will not be good enough, or she will fail Him in some way, frightened that He will not like her once she is there, worried He will grow bored with kitten within days, nervous about whether she can look her best * or as good as she can look* for Him at all times, silly things but with the other things in kittens head they just add to the confusion and worry.
Anyone gathered by now kitten is a worrier ?
kitten is wrting a list now, a list for her, on this list are 5 things that kitten needs to do daily, they are simple things but they are things kitten needs to do, all designed to boost kittens confidence, to help her improve herself and she is going to do the list daily until she no longer needs the list as they are part of her routine, this for kitten is the first step towards dispelling some of the fears she has, in 75 days kitten will be with Master, that gives kitten 75 days to improve her views of herself, she knows it will not be easy, lol she is already expecting a set back next week when ex comes round, but kitten has her list, she will do it daily and hopefully she will not disapoint Master, god kitten really prays she doesn't, ok that was not a good thought, its gone now, put away again
Fear
Fear is a powerful emotion, it can take over your life if you let it and at times there is nothing you can do to stop it, i am scared of many things, some rational and some totally irrational but in both cases the fear is the same, the quickning of your heart, the dizzy feeling as you struggle to breath slowly and not hyperventilate, the shaking of your body and the cold sweat that sits on your skin.
There is a big difference between being scared of something and being in fear of somethng, and this i know all to well, i have always refused to do ass to mouth, this is something kitten hates, it beings back things in her head and they are not feelings and thoughts she wants but last night she promised this in exchange for not having something else, so what is the difference ? well ass to mouth kitten is scared of * illogical she knows but it simply is * and the other thing she is in fear of * and that is also illogical but not something she can help*
Re reading this, it sounds like that ravings of a mad person, and the swopping from i to kitten and back again, guess the struggles go on, i need to be kitten and then things will be fine, kitten will be fine. it is only when i am me that i find myself lost without my anchor, Master is my anchor, and i hope to god His shoulders are broad enough for the weight
There is a big difference between being scared of something and being in fear of somethng, and this i know all to well, i have always refused to do ass to mouth, this is something kitten hates, it beings back things in her head and they are not feelings and thoughts she wants but last night she promised this in exchange for not having something else, so what is the difference ? well ass to mouth kitten is scared of * illogical she knows but it simply is * and the other thing she is in fear of * and that is also illogical but not something she can help*
Re reading this, it sounds like that ravings of a mad person, and the swopping from i to kitten and back again, guess the struggles go on, i need to be kitten and then things will be fine, kitten will be fine. it is only when i am me that i find myself lost without my anchor, Master is my anchor, and i hope to god His shoulders are broad enough for the weight
Thursday, 29 January 2009
What is a Master ?
last night Master had kitten crying,,,, with laughter and it was something kitten never realised she needed, it lifted her in a way she has not felt in ages, all the turmoil in her head was temporarily forgotten and she was hurting with laughter * seems Master thinks kitten talks funny, like she says eetch instead of itch, and no matter how kitten tried, she could not say it right, but that could be because of the laughter.
How did Master know that kitten was down ? kitten never told Him, she never said a word, but He was so funny last night, lol kitten got banned from laughing at one stage as her belly was hurting and her tears were running down her face. How can one person know His slaves moods better than she does ? It was weird yet at the same time something kitten is learning to trust about Master, no matter what she says or doesn’t say, He knows kitten better than she knows herself at times, and that is scary yet at the same time a huge relief.
Kitten has a hard time talking about things she doesn’t want to bring to the front of her mind, this is an ongoing problem but for some reason Master wants to know, again this is hard, in previous M/s relationships kittens thoughts and feelings were always used against her, hence why she does not talk about them if she can avoid it * key phrase is kitten is fine thank You and then change the subject* This at times causes major problems, things build and kitten gets scared, and yes she is a whimp but that is how she is, if a person gets knocked down enough they learn to like the view from down there.
So last night was a welcome relief for kitten, for the first time in over a week kitten went to bed with a smile on her face and peace in her mind, it was a wonderful feeling and kitten learnt 5 things last night as well
#1Master is a terrible terrible tease
#2 Master now knows kitten hates spiders * this is not a good thing kitten is thinking
#3 Master knows kitten better than kitten does at times
#4 kitten needs to learn to speak properly * hhmmm wait till kitten starts talking cockney slang, that will baffle Master *
#5 Master is the One thing in kittens life that she can trust and believe in, last night proved that, no words spoken yet He knew, that is what being a Master is about, knowing those You own, helping them, guiding them and lifting them when they need it
Master may not have known what the problem was and to be honest kitten not sure He will ever be told * see the bit about talking about things * but last night certainly helped kitten more than He will ever know
Thank You Master, thank You for being You and for caring about kitten, kitten is one very lucky slave
How did Master know that kitten was down ? kitten never told Him, she never said a word, but He was so funny last night, lol kitten got banned from laughing at one stage as her belly was hurting and her tears were running down her face. How can one person know His slaves moods better than she does ? It was weird yet at the same time something kitten is learning to trust about Master, no matter what she says or doesn’t say, He knows kitten better than she knows herself at times, and that is scary yet at the same time a huge relief.
Kitten has a hard time talking about things she doesn’t want to bring to the front of her mind, this is an ongoing problem but for some reason Master wants to know, again this is hard, in previous M/s relationships kittens thoughts and feelings were always used against her, hence why she does not talk about them if she can avoid it * key phrase is kitten is fine thank You and then change the subject* This at times causes major problems, things build and kitten gets scared, and yes she is a whimp but that is how she is, if a person gets knocked down enough they learn to like the view from down there.
So last night was a welcome relief for kitten, for the first time in over a week kitten went to bed with a smile on her face and peace in her mind, it was a wonderful feeling and kitten learnt 5 things last night as well
#1Master is a terrible terrible tease
#2 Master now knows kitten hates spiders * this is not a good thing kitten is thinking
#3 Master knows kitten better than kitten does at times
#4 kitten needs to learn to speak properly * hhmmm wait till kitten starts talking cockney slang, that will baffle Master *
#5 Master is the One thing in kittens life that she can trust and believe in, last night proved that, no words spoken yet He knew, that is what being a Master is about, knowing those You own, helping them, guiding them and lifting them when they need it
Master may not have known what the problem was and to be honest kitten not sure He will ever be told * see the bit about talking about things * but last night certainly helped kitten more than He will ever know
Thank You Master, thank You for being You and for caring about kitten, kitten is one very lucky slave
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Struggling
ok i am not sure what is wrong with me, i seem to be really struggling
at the moment and i am not sure why, so many things going on in my life,
and its not making things easy for me, for some reason i just want to cry,
and that is not like me at all
even writing this, i am not kitten, this is not who she is, this is me
and is that the problem ? is it because i don't know who i am any more ?
i am getting grief from ex and daughter, well thats almost normal yet for some reason
it seems to be sitting hard on me, and then add to that the grief from friends and
old Doms, i guess its no wonder i am losing all sense of reasoning,
i am going to see Master soon and that is scaring me, why ? that i can't answer, it might be that my last master was ex, well master in that sense of the word, and look how that ended up, ok i know it was years down the line, and things happened to make it all fall apart but lets face it, with all the hostility i have been subjected to over the time i have been with Master its no wonder i am starting to struggle, not just from ex,family, friends and old doms but from others who think they know what is best for me, and this is without actually knowing me at all. Masters is the one who knows me, He is the one who has a controlling influence on my life yet there are still those who think they should be able to tell me what to do and what is going to happen to me, all this just add more and more to my already overflowing doubts and fears
when did things get so complicated ? why is nothing easy any more ? all i ever wanted to be was happy, and now i am so confused it seems happiness is a long way away for me.
at the moment and i am not sure why, so many things going on in my life,
and its not making things easy for me, for some reason i just want to cry,
and that is not like me at all
even writing this, i am not kitten, this is not who she is, this is me
and is that the problem ? is it because i don't know who i am any more ?
i am getting grief from ex and daughter, well thats almost normal yet for some reason
it seems to be sitting hard on me, and then add to that the grief from friends and
old Doms, i guess its no wonder i am losing all sense of reasoning,
i am going to see Master soon and that is scaring me, why ? that i can't answer, it might be that my last master was ex, well master in that sense of the word, and look how that ended up, ok i know it was years down the line, and things happened to make it all fall apart but lets face it, with all the hostility i have been subjected to over the time i have been with Master its no wonder i am starting to struggle, not just from ex,family, friends and old doms but from others who think they know what is best for me, and this is without actually knowing me at all. Masters is the one who knows me, He is the one who has a controlling influence on my life yet there are still those who think they should be able to tell me what to do and what is going to happen to me, all this just add more and more to my already overflowing doubts and fears
when did things get so complicated ? why is nothing easy any more ? all i ever wanted to be was happy, and now i am so confused it seems happiness is a long way away for me.
Sorting things out
Kitten is going to visit Master soon, so she is getting ready for the most important trip of her life so far, and she is looking at the things she thinks she might need and lol that is so funny.
Ok first in the case goes the underwear, and first out of the case is the same underwear, kitten not allowed to wear panties and bra’s so she will only need one bra for emergencies * not sure what emergency will require a bra but kitten likes to be prepared.
Next in is a bikini, ok take that out, going to the nude beach so no bikini needed there, how about a kaftan, hhmmm might take that,its sheer and lightweight, might be allowed to use that once or twice. Now for pj’s .... ok kitten knows, out they come as well, not allowed to wear them either, kitten to sleep naked beside Master with no barriers to stop Him touching what He owns when He wants to.
Now what about clothes ? kitten has jeans, and long skirts to the floor, and a few pairs of shorts, kitten does not own a dress or a short skirt, and the shorts, well kitten has them but doesn’t wear them, ok kitten taking a skirt, and jeans and the shorts are her insentive, kitten wants to loose 1 stone, then she will wear the shorts, hold on no she won’t, kitten to be naked when she is at Masters house, so guess she will not need many clothes at all really,
Packing the case will be so easy, kitten almost ready, she has her toothbrush and she has her smile, her hopes and dreams shining in her eyes she is ready, all packed to see Master, after all, what else will she ever need ?
Monday, 26 January 2009
Sometimes its better not to talk
“Talk to me, tell me what you are doing, I have a right to know and you are going to tell me “ These are the words kitten was greeted with from her daughter, seems she was not content with talking kittens passport so kitten could not go to Master * kitten got it back when daughters boyfriend found it and wondered why it was in his house* no it seems she has been going through kittens computer and is telling her father all that kitten is doing * and kitten is sure most of it is made up as kitten hasn’t done anything wrong*
Kitten is going to be with Master soon for a visit, hopefully if things go well and Master is happy with kitten it will be more but in the mean time kitten seems to be getting objections and questions, arguments and bad feelings from every angle, and to be honest, it is wearing kitten down.
There are certain things kitten does not feel her daughter needs to know, and kitten would tell her if it was her business, but as it is, she is old enough that she has her own life now, so why can kitten not be allowed the same ? kitten knows ex is not happy, lol got the bruises to prove it* kitten doesn’t think he meant to push her really but guess he got cross with kitten * but at the end of the day, he has another sub, one who he loves to flaunt in kittens face at every opportunity so why can kitten not have a Master who respects her and treats her as a Master should ?
Guess this is just another step kitten has to take to be happy, and take the steps she will, kitten has been at the receiving end of so much that now it is her turn, and to hell with those who don’t like it, after all the only one who has a say in this is Master.
Kitten is going to be with Master soon for a visit, hopefully if things go well and Master is happy with kitten it will be more but in the mean time kitten seems to be getting objections and questions, arguments and bad feelings from every angle, and to be honest, it is wearing kitten down.
There are certain things kitten does not feel her daughter needs to know, and kitten would tell her if it was her business, but as it is, she is old enough that she has her own life now, so why can kitten not be allowed the same ? kitten knows ex is not happy, lol got the bruises to prove it* kitten doesn’t think he meant to push her really but guess he got cross with kitten * but at the end of the day, he has another sub, one who he loves to flaunt in kittens face at every opportunity so why can kitten not have a Master who respects her and treats her as a Master should ?
Guess this is just another step kitten has to take to be happy, and take the steps she will, kitten has been at the receiving end of so much that now it is her turn, and to hell with those who don’t like it, after all the only one who has a say in this is Master.
kitten having doubts
kitten has been offered a new job, with the same company and at almost the same pay, but the responsibility and the hours will change, and to be honest not sure it is something kitten can do, she needs to make so many arrangements for son, and unless she pays out more money that means she will have to ask ex to do more, and kitten knows how that will end,
kitten is already having problems with him, and if she takes this job then the problems will worsen kitten is sure, kitten will then have to have contact with him on an almost daily basis, not something she wants at all ! The only good side is she would not have to pay more childcare costs, kitten really torn what to do, she knows she is lucky to have a job the way things are going and she is grateful for that, she is the same as everyone else, bills to pay and food to buy but this will not actually bring much more money in, it will be a move to another job and that in itself kitten is worried about, she knows she can do it but it will mean more interaction with people, and kitten much prefers to do her job, she doesn’t like getting to know people, she always ends up getting hurt, and this job will be one where she has to get to know the staff in other shops, advise them and help them if there is a problem within the shop of any nature.
Kitten knows she should talk to Master but this is not something He can really help with, as there is an ocean between us at the moment, soon, when kitten is with Him then there will be no question of her going to Him, after all it would be His decision on what kitten did
So kitten is confused once more and yeap add more doubts and worries to her already growing list
Sunday, 25 January 2009
kittens Feelings
Time is moving, it is drawing slowly and slowly closer, this coming week will be a bad one for kitten as she is working long hours all week, this in turn means her time with Master will be less, not His fault, it is just how it works out, the others He owns are in the same time zone, kitten is not, so when she wants to spend time with Him it is hard for Him as others want to as well, kitten stays up until 2am her time, but this is something she does as she has a need to be with Master and this is the only way she can at the moment, this is as it is, soon she will be with Him and that in itself brings many things to kittens mind, thoughts she does not want to answer or have in her head.
What if kitten is not good enough for Master ? What if He doesn’t like kitten ? What is outside interference make things too hard for kitten to cope with ? Where will she run to ? How can she hide away inside herself if Master can actually see her face ? What can she do when things become too much for her ?
Kitten is used to dealing with her problems herself, she has been told off more than a few times by Master for not coming to Him when things were running around in her head, jumbling up and making her have more doubts, more fears, more concerns. Kitten knows she is not the most confident of people, she listens to others too much, she allows their words to break her down, its something Master is working on, He is trying to build kittens esteem, and it works for awhile, unfortunately things then take over and she crumbles, she breaks and is back where she started, only this time she is a bit further down, and the words said and things done are added to the pile she has hidden away. Kitten deals with things by shutting them away, she closes them off and unfortunately when she does that she invariably closes a bit more of herself away as well.
Kitten knows that soon she will be in Masters safety net, she will be loved and protected, she will be wanted by Master, that is all that matters, unfortunately she has to survive the coming days until she is there, and that is something she is afraid of, she really doesn’t know if she can survive
kittens Journey
kitten, as you may have gathered, is going to visit Master, this is the first step in her being with Master, if things work out then kitten is hopefully going to be His kitten perminantly, this in itself will being with it more problems, but those kitten will deal with as they arise, she will do as she always does, take them one at a time and work her way through them,
kitten is the type of person who needs structure, she needs a routine, a list, a focus, she is really no good without the routine and structure in her life. kitten makes lists of things that need to be done, and one by one she checks them off the list, Master being a bugger to kitten loves to throw things at her, different tasks, adding some things taking others away, all things to try to make kitten more flexible, to not rely on her routine and lists all the time, He wants kitten to be confident in what she does and while He doen't mind her havine a routine He also wants her to be able to be confident in moving away from the list occasionally without panicing, not worked yet but He is not giving up.
kitten has many fears and doubts, she loves to help people, she gives advice and she talks to them, she will always be there for those who need her but kitten has a problem with telling others what is on her mind, she has found that it is not worth it, as most of the time it is not listened to and when it is it is turned around so she is the one who is found wanting as it was, so kitten tends to write on her notepad, and she keeps things to herself, this is something Master hates, He wants kitten to go to Him always, and she tries, but there are times kittens thought mix together and she can't seperate them so she stays quiet, maybe too quiet, but the one thing kitten knows is when she is finally in Masters arms and she feels safe and loved and protected she knows that all the problems that lead to her being there will be overcome, she will not worry about others insecurities or their doubts and fears, that will be for them to deal with, all kitten will know is that she if finally where she needs to be, where she wants to be and where she wants to stay
kitten is the type of person who needs structure, she needs a routine, a list, a focus, she is really no good without the routine and structure in her life. kitten makes lists of things that need to be done, and one by one she checks them off the list, Master being a bugger to kitten loves to throw things at her, different tasks, adding some things taking others away, all things to try to make kitten more flexible, to not rely on her routine and lists all the time, He wants kitten to be confident in what she does and while He doen't mind her havine a routine He also wants her to be able to be confident in moving away from the list occasionally without panicing, not worked yet but He is not giving up.
kitten has many fears and doubts, she loves to help people, she gives advice and she talks to them, she will always be there for those who need her but kitten has a problem with telling others what is on her mind, she has found that it is not worth it, as most of the time it is not listened to and when it is it is turned around so she is the one who is found wanting as it was, so kitten tends to write on her notepad, and she keeps things to herself, this is something Master hates, He wants kitten to go to Him always, and she tries, but there are times kittens thought mix together and she can't seperate them so she stays quiet, maybe too quiet, but the one thing kitten knows is when she is finally in Masters arms and she feels safe and loved and protected she knows that all the problems that lead to her being there will be overcome, she will not worry about others insecurities or their doubts and fears, that will be for them to deal with, all kitten will know is that she if finally where she needs to be, where she wants to be and where she wants to stay
Friday, 23 January 2009
kittens Getting Closer
This is like christmas to kitten, you know when you are waiting for something, you know it will eventually arrive, but you are too impatient, well that is kitten now, she is like a child waiting for a special day, and that day is moving slowly closer, but way, way to slow for her liking.
So what is kitten waiting for ? Well to be with Master of course, now kitten is not sure if He is actually as excited as kitten, she doubts it somehow as Master is a realist and He knows time will move at its own pace but damn it kitten wants to be there now !!
lol ok kitten is impatient, but she has waited for this time for ages, all the stumbling blocks, all the grief, all the tears, now it is going to be over, it is going to be kittens time, kittens time to finally be happy as she thinks she deserves to be.
kitten knows that being with Master will not change things for T/them, T/they will still have the same rules * possibly more as being r/t enables some rules to be added * and she knows that it will not all be plain sailing, kitten a realist, but the one thing she knows without a doubt is that finally she can serve Master fully, she can be His kitten in any way He desires * just hope He is not expecting fanny cradock as kitten still reading the cook books *
The count down continues, and time goes so slow ..............................
So what is kitten waiting for ? Well to be with Master of course, now kitten is not sure if He is actually as excited as kitten, she doubts it somehow as Master is a realist and He knows time will move at its own pace but damn it kitten wants to be there now !!
lol ok kitten is impatient, but she has waited for this time for ages, all the stumbling blocks, all the grief, all the tears, now it is going to be over, it is going to be kittens time, kittens time to finally be happy as she thinks she deserves to be.
kitten knows that being with Master will not change things for T/them, T/they will still have the same rules * possibly more as being r/t enables some rules to be added * and she knows that it will not all be plain sailing, kitten a realist, but the one thing she knows without a doubt is that finally she can serve Master fully, she can be His kitten in any way He desires * just hope He is not expecting fanny cradock as kitten still reading the cook books *
The count down continues, and time goes so slow ..............................
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
kitten is fine
Do you ever use a word or a phrase to answer a question ? A bog standard response that means so much yet covers a whole multitude of things? kitten does, its kitten is fine. This covers everything, no matter how kitten feels, kitten is fine usually works, its as if by saying this it will be true, and sometimes it works, sometimes no matter what kitten is thinking or feeling, she does end up ignoring or closing it away and she is fine, obviously other times it doesn't but hey thats life.
We all no matter who we are, slave,sub,Dom or Master or even a person in a vanilla relationship have times when life beats you down, take the other day for example, kitten swears she had every awkward customer on the planet in her shop and add to that the phone calls becasue the system in the other shops kept crashing and a staff member calling in sick as they were hung over and kitten had so many unslave like thoughts it was not funny, she was ready to commit hari kari on the next one who called for her to help them or to do something, so what did kitten do ? well she went outside and stood in the carpark and screamed, long and loud she screamed ( kitten usually likes to smash a plate or two when she is stressed, there is nothing like the sound of breaking pottery to ease the tension, trouble was kitten didn't have any with her ) that was one time that the answer kitten is fine was true, kitten felt so much better, releasing all that pent up stress and frustration was what was needed and as she could not speak to Master at that time to hear His calm voice she did the only other thing she knew that would work.
there are times in a saves life she needs the guidence of her Master, His job is to build her up, to give her the lessons she needs to cope with things when He is not around, and Master does, however there are times when we know we should listen to Him, know we should accept what He says but the things running in our heads are too strong, too confusing, this is the time that Master knows kitten needs Him more, He knows that she struggles with things at times, games played, things said and He is there for her, He is the voice of reason, His is the voice of a Master pointing things out to kitten, whether she wants to hear them or not, He does not give up on kitten nor does He condem her for not listning, He talks, and He talks and He talks and sooner or later His voice is the only one kitten hears, is the only one she listens to, His is the only opinion that she needs and she realises this
Life happens no matter what lifestyle you lead, the good thing about being a slave is you have a Master to guide you and keep you safe
We all no matter who we are, slave,sub,Dom or Master or even a person in a vanilla relationship have times when life beats you down, take the other day for example, kitten swears she had every awkward customer on the planet in her shop and add to that the phone calls becasue the system in the other shops kept crashing and a staff member calling in sick as they were hung over and kitten had so many unslave like thoughts it was not funny, she was ready to commit hari kari on the next one who called for her to help them or to do something, so what did kitten do ? well she went outside and stood in the carpark and screamed, long and loud she screamed ( kitten usually likes to smash a plate or two when she is stressed, there is nothing like the sound of breaking pottery to ease the tension, trouble was kitten didn't have any with her ) that was one time that the answer kitten is fine was true, kitten felt so much better, releasing all that pent up stress and frustration was what was needed and as she could not speak to Master at that time to hear His calm voice she did the only other thing she knew that would work.
there are times in a saves life she needs the guidence of her Master, His job is to build her up, to give her the lessons she needs to cope with things when He is not around, and Master does, however there are times when we know we should listen to Him, know we should accept what He says but the things running in our heads are too strong, too confusing, this is the time that Master knows kitten needs Him more, He knows that she struggles with things at times, games played, things said and He is there for her, He is the voice of reason, His is the voice of a Master pointing things out to kitten, whether she wants to hear them or not, He does not give up on kitten nor does He condem her for not listning, He talks, and He talks and He talks and sooner or later His voice is the only one kitten hears, is the only one she listens to, His is the only opinion that she needs and she realises this
Life happens no matter what lifestyle you lead, the good thing about being a slave is you have a Master to guide you and keep you safe
Monday, 19 January 2009
Time Drawing Closer
kitten is ashamed to admit, her feelings and thoughts got to her last night, things being done, the wrong thing said at the wrong time and yeap, kitten ran, she ran for her sanity, for her fears, and so she could not hear the next thing said, she was so scared what Master would say to her that she ran before she could hear it, and that is not acceptable.
Its been awhile since kitten ran last, she thought she was getting past that, the fear that causes her to close herself away, her need to 'regroup' and calm down, her need to leave and not listen to Master, something she knows she must do as He will never hurt her, hell He is one of the only ones that has never hurt her intentionally, and even when it was by accident, well He was as upset as kitten was, and if that doesn't show you what type of Man He is nothing will.
kitten knows her being with Master is something she craves and each day brings that time closer and closer, at the same time she knows there are problems and difficulties to be faced with others,as there are when ever a new one is added to the mix, but ultimatly it is Masters choice if kitten comes and there is nothing anyone can say or do to prevent that, all that rests on Masters shoulders, and it is His desire that kitten is there as much as it is kittens, serving a Master long distance is one thing, it is only when the real time is there can you truely feel the power of a Master, not just physical but mental and emotional as well, and many think they are prepared for a life of servitude after talking online or on the phone, sadly this is not always the case.
It has been said that kitten is a bad slave, she is sassy, a smart ass and cheeky, she is also prone to closing things inside and not sharing them, add that to her thoughts and confusion and its not wonder kitten needs a strong Master to serve, but no matter what others think of kitten it is Masters views and opinions that matter the most, and those are the ones she listens to,
kitten started to write this as a soon be with Master post, but as with all of kittens thoughts, one thing turns to another and so the thread has changed, in 87 days kitten will be with Master, just hope that is enough time for all the fears and worries, both kittens and others, to be put aside so all can learnt to accept and know that kitten has no wish to take anyone's place, kitten serves Master as Master wishes, in all ways it is always His choice what kitten does and doesn't do, she is a slave, she is Masters slave, she is Masters kitten
Its been awhile since kitten ran last, she thought she was getting past that, the fear that causes her to close herself away, her need to 'regroup' and calm down, her need to leave and not listen to Master, something she knows she must do as He will never hurt her, hell He is one of the only ones that has never hurt her intentionally, and even when it was by accident, well He was as upset as kitten was, and if that doesn't show you what type of Man He is nothing will.
kitten knows her being with Master is something she craves and each day brings that time closer and closer, at the same time she knows there are problems and difficulties to be faced with others,as there are when ever a new one is added to the mix, but ultimatly it is Masters choice if kitten comes and there is nothing anyone can say or do to prevent that, all that rests on Masters shoulders, and it is His desire that kitten is there as much as it is kittens, serving a Master long distance is one thing, it is only when the real time is there can you truely feel the power of a Master, not just physical but mental and emotional as well, and many think they are prepared for a life of servitude after talking online or on the phone, sadly this is not always the case.
It has been said that kitten is a bad slave, she is sassy, a smart ass and cheeky, she is also prone to closing things inside and not sharing them, add that to her thoughts and confusion and its not wonder kitten needs a strong Master to serve, but no matter what others think of kitten it is Masters views and opinions that matter the most, and those are the ones she listens to,
kitten started to write this as a soon be with Master post, but as with all of kittens thoughts, one thing turns to another and so the thread has changed, in 87 days kitten will be with Master, just hope that is enough time for all the fears and worries, both kittens and others, to be put aside so all can learnt to accept and know that kitten has no wish to take anyone's place, kitten serves Master as Master wishes, in all ways it is always His choice what kitten does and doesn't do, she is a slave, she is Masters slave, she is Masters kitten
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Keys of a Slave
These are the keys of a slave
Faith... in your Master and all He does, faith in yourself to know that you are a good person and will do your best for Him always
Humility... to know that you are not perfect, not matter what you might think ultimatly you are not a perfect person
Respect.... For your Master and for your sisters but also you must have respect for yourself
Patience... You need patience to know that all things happen for a reason, you are a worthy person but at times you will be over looked and 'forgotten' about, have the patience to sit and wait until your time comes
Compassion... to know that the world does not revolve around you, your needs are not the most important ones, remove the Me, I and Mine from your vocabulary and open yourself up to feel for other people, to listen to them without it always being about you
Courage.... Have the courage to follow your dreams no matter how many times others try to discourage you or knock you down, Master is your strength, but you are strong as well
Perseverance.. to know that you will achieve your desires, no matter who stands in your way you will keep trying and trying, never give up on your dreams
Moving Closer, Still Worried
Another day crossed off kittens diary, another day closer, and as each day ends and another starts, kitten knows that the time is getting nearer, nearer till she is with Master, but that in itself is something not without its own problems and worries, it is something kitten longs for, something she needs but at the same time it is something kitten has many doubts and concerns about
Kitten has been told by Master certain things, yet told by another other things, and if kitten is honest she herself has preconcieved ideas, now if you add all these things together, yeap kitten has got no clue any more !
kitten not really sure why but she hasn't spoken to Master for days now, talked talked, and even these last few days the im chat has been sparse and broken with long gaps of silence, again kitten knows Master is busy but as the time difference is something that affects kitten and not others, she really wishes that would be remembered at times, all kitten can come up with is the fact she and her 'sister' are once more banging heads, this is nothing new and kitten is really not surprised to be honest, and that is something kitten worries about as well when she goes to Master, kitten does not want Master in the middle of any falling outs between slaves but she has a feeling that is not going to be her choice,
kitten got a call last night, she would have liked to have spoken to Master about it but He was busy, and to be fair, what could He have done ? the same as kitten really and that is nothing, the only difference is kitten didn't let it affect her as badly as the previous calls have done, but in one way it has, kitten knows there are emails waiting for her, offlines and demands, and kitten being the chicken she is won't log into those accounts as then shewill sit and read them, and when she is on her own, no matter how hard she tries, the words used soak into her head, the things said, the way she is spoken about, all of these things play games with her, and kitten not strong enough to ignore them 100% so little bits kitten lets into her life.
Well all kitten can say is that she will be with Master soon, now all she has to do is get it in her head this is what He wants as well, kitten knows He says it is but after the weekend and the chat dropping off and no talking, and the calls and the fights and the everything, then kitten not so sure to be honest, and even if He wans kitten there, she knows there is at least one other who doesn't and as that one is closer to Master, well kitten got a feeling she will have a very bumpy road ahead before she is with Master, and even then it will not be smooth sailing she thinks, even being there in person will open a lot of doubts and fears, and not only for kitten
Kitten has been told by Master certain things, yet told by another other things, and if kitten is honest she herself has preconcieved ideas, now if you add all these things together, yeap kitten has got no clue any more !
kitten not really sure why but she hasn't spoken to Master for days now, talked talked, and even these last few days the im chat has been sparse and broken with long gaps of silence, again kitten knows Master is busy but as the time difference is something that affects kitten and not others, she really wishes that would be remembered at times, all kitten can come up with is the fact she and her 'sister' are once more banging heads, this is nothing new and kitten is really not surprised to be honest, and that is something kitten worries about as well when she goes to Master, kitten does not want Master in the middle of any falling outs between slaves but she has a feeling that is not going to be her choice,
kitten got a call last night, she would have liked to have spoken to Master about it but He was busy, and to be fair, what could He have done ? the same as kitten really and that is nothing, the only difference is kitten didn't let it affect her as badly as the previous calls have done, but in one way it has, kitten knows there are emails waiting for her, offlines and demands, and kitten being the chicken she is won't log into those accounts as then shewill sit and read them, and when she is on her own, no matter how hard she tries, the words used soak into her head, the things said, the way she is spoken about, all of these things play games with her, and kitten not strong enough to ignore them 100% so little bits kitten lets into her life.
Well all kitten can say is that she will be with Master soon, now all she has to do is get it in her head this is what He wants as well, kitten knows He says it is but after the weekend and the chat dropping off and no talking, and the calls and the fights and the everything, then kitten not so sure to be honest, and even if He wans kitten there, she knows there is at least one other who doesn't and as that one is closer to Master, well kitten got a feeling she will have a very bumpy road ahead before she is with Master, and even then it will not be smooth sailing she thinks, even being there in person will open a lot of doubts and fears, and not only for kitten
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
As the time draws closer
Time is a wonderful thing, it moves so fast, yet it moves so slow as well, confused ? Well kitten is, but guess thats nothing new to anyone really.
Kitten is on a count down, she is counting the days till she is with Master, its been a journey of discovery for her, she has had many ups and downs along the way, but strangely enough, not really with Master, with herself and with others, and in that she still has to figure things out.
kitten speaks to Master and the smile on her face lets kitten knows she is safe, that is one of Masters favorite sayings, He lets kitten know she can be human and she can have what He calls kitten strops but ultimatly she is safe with Him, and you know what ? Kitten believes Him 100%.
Now kitten not saying Master does not get the urge to strangle her at times, as she is sure He must do, hell at times kitten would like to strangle herself ( if that makes any more sense than the rest of this post ) but no matter what is said or done, He does not scream or shout at her, and kitten knows at times she has pushed and pushed, she wanted Him to scream, to shout, to call her names, she needed to try to justify the hurt she was feeling through other things, transfer it if you like to a hurt caused by one she loves, but He refused, He called it abusive behaviour and will not do that to kitten, instead He talks to her, He asks her questions, He makes her think, He makes her feel and more imporantly He protects her from herself, and that is a hard job for any one to take on.
So kittens count down has begun, the time draws closer and closer to when she will be with Him, yet at the same time it is going so slow, kitten wants to be there now, she wants to be with Him, and not just in a sexual way, but in a way that is hard to explan, she wants to know He is in the next room, or in he yard, she wants to feel His presence in the air, even when He is out, she needs to know that she is His, to feel His aura surrounding her when He walks out of the door, stupid really but kitten wants to close her eyes and picture His smile, hear His laugh and know that she caused that, and she does make Him laugh, not intentionally but with kitten thoughts and words that leave her mind and mouth before she really thinks about them. ( and may He never read this, but yes she would even give Him willingly the cuddle she owes Him, long story and way to complicated to explain but kitten learnt a lesson, NEVER trade with a Master unless it is an iron cast trade, still got a few reservations about the pillows though )
kitten counts, and the hours and days drag by, but soon, very soon Master, kitten will be there and that is the day she is living for
Kitten is on a count down, she is counting the days till she is with Master, its been a journey of discovery for her, she has had many ups and downs along the way, but strangely enough, not really with Master, with herself and with others, and in that she still has to figure things out.
kitten speaks to Master and the smile on her face lets kitten knows she is safe, that is one of Masters favorite sayings, He lets kitten know she can be human and she can have what He calls kitten strops but ultimatly she is safe with Him, and you know what ? Kitten believes Him 100%.
Now kitten not saying Master does not get the urge to strangle her at times, as she is sure He must do, hell at times kitten would like to strangle herself ( if that makes any more sense than the rest of this post ) but no matter what is said or done, He does not scream or shout at her, and kitten knows at times she has pushed and pushed, she wanted Him to scream, to shout, to call her names, she needed to try to justify the hurt she was feeling through other things, transfer it if you like to a hurt caused by one she loves, but He refused, He called it abusive behaviour and will not do that to kitten, instead He talks to her, He asks her questions, He makes her think, He makes her feel and more imporantly He protects her from herself, and that is a hard job for any one to take on.
So kittens count down has begun, the time draws closer and closer to when she will be with Him, yet at the same time it is going so slow, kitten wants to be there now, she wants to be with Him, and not just in a sexual way, but in a way that is hard to explan, she wants to know He is in the next room, or in he yard, she wants to feel His presence in the air, even when He is out, she needs to know that she is His, to feel His aura surrounding her when He walks out of the door, stupid really but kitten wants to close her eyes and picture His smile, hear His laugh and know that she caused that, and she does make Him laugh, not intentionally but with kitten thoughts and words that leave her mind and mouth before she really thinks about them. ( and may He never read this, but yes she would even give Him willingly the cuddle she owes Him, long story and way to complicated to explain but kitten learnt a lesson, NEVER trade with a Master unless it is an iron cast trade, still got a few reservations about the pillows though )
kitten counts, and the hours and days drag by, but soon, very soon Master, kitten will be there and that is the day she is living for
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