Its All In The Wording

When you first start to interact with a Dom or Master there is a lot of talking and very little sex if it is done right. A person who does not wish to actually learn about their sub/slave Dom or Master does not actually seem to interested in this as a complete way of life, it has been kittens experience * and yeap just like everyone else kitten has been burnt a time or two by online fakes* that all they are looking for is a quick way to get their rocks off with none of the responsibility that goes with it.

The reason kitten mentions this is that during the talking period there comes a time when limits and hard limits are discussed, * or should be* as well as likes and dislikes and that is where wording is very important. A sub or slave has to remember that a Dom or Master only has what He is being told to base His judgments on, He has at this stage no real knowledge of the sub or slave and so He has to trust her to tell Him what she will and will not be open to.

Kitten has seen many in chat rooms say that they love the idea of being flogged, they welcome the feeling of being bound and choked, when in actual fact they have no real time experience with any of that, and the same goes for the new Doms or Masters, if they say that they are experts in bondage and floggings and have in fact had no experience in this then it can have disastrous consequences.

How something is said is very important, to tell a Dom or Master that you will not do something as it is a HARD LIMIT then that is what a Dom or Master has to trust, it is something that is non negotiable and a real Dom or Master will not expect this from you when playing or interacting with them, it is also something that you cannot change your mind about at a later date, a hard limit is just that, a hard limit, its a no no. A limit on the other hand is something that you are not sure about, it is something you could have had a bad experience with and while you are really uncertain about it, its not something you would volunteer to do willingly it is also something that can be pushed at by an experienced Dom or Master to see whether it is something that can be overcome. A real Dom or Master will try to get His sub/slave past her inner fear about something but at the same time doing it in a way that will not cause her harm or worry, if while pushing her the Master senses resistance and fear He will pull back and reassure her that everything is fine and she is safe, He will then stop that course of action/play and move on to something else, leaving that to be explored another day and maybe the next time it can be taken a bit further.

The problem with having limits and hard limits is that a limit can and usually is moved past, it is more often a case of fear of the unknown that makes it a limit, the sub/slave has no real experience of it so it frightens her where as a hard limit is something she has decided she does not want and it is not up for negotiation, it is a moot point and not something she will entertain in her submission, again the words a Dom or Master are told is all He has to go on so He takes her hard limits and respects them, not pushing at them and not trying to break them down. Unfortunately a hard limit is more often something that they decide at a later date they might actually like and so they start to change the playing field if they can, but that is not always possible, remember if you have changed your mind about one thing then how is a Dom or Master to know what else you have changed your mind about ? Also if there are more than one hard limit and you want to ignore one then how are they to know the others are still hard limits ?

As kitten said in the beginning – its all in the wording so be careful how you say something and what it is you are saying

Expectations

Many subs or slaves become interested in this life, they then find a Dom or Master and they submit, nothing wrong with that at all, the trouble and problems start when they come into this life with expectations, they have a ‘vision’ of what this life will be like, what they will receive from it and how it will fulfil their lives, unfortunately in almost 90% of those cases the expectations are very wrong.


This is a wonderful life if it is one you are suited to, and if kitten is honest it is not something for everyone, they can incorporate certain parts into their everyday lives but the actual M/s or D/s relationship beyond a scene or playing is not for everyone, this is something that needs to be recognised straight away.
There should be no expectations on a sub or slaves behalf, as if she has them then the focus is on her and not her Master, its what she wants and what she is expecting, this leads to feelings of dissatisfaction, of wanting more, of thinking she deserves better than she is receiving, these feelings are more prominent in a poly relationship especially if the slave sees another getting more attention for what ever reason.


The needs of a slave are met by a Master, BUT they are what He thinks she needs not what she thinks she deserves, there is a big difference between a need and deserving something. If a sub or slave goes into certain situations expecting things to happen in a specific way and they don’t she then suffers feelings of loss and disappointment, whose fault is that ? Not the Masters as the slave is trying to predict what is going to happen, she is building herself up for certain things that she thinks she deserves, things she think are her right as His slave and if the don’t occur then she is the one who is going to have her expectations dashed. For example, if a sub or slave is always spanked in the evening for instance and then all of a sudden the Master starts to cuddle her instead, the slave can feel a sense of disappointment if she has been looking forward to a spanking, the same as if she is cuddled in the morning and all of a sudden He does not do that, who is at fault ?


Another instance is time spent with a slave, and this is one that kitten sees all the time and one she admits to saying to Master a few times. A slave deserves time with Master, but does she ? Who is kitten to tell Master what she deserves ? kitten loves her time with Master, its kittens time when she can talk to Him, tell Him things that have been worrying her and its the time she looks forward to as it strengthens the bond between Master and kitten but this is not something kitten deserves, nor is it something she has a right to expect, it is Masters choice who He spends His time with and how He spends it, and while kitten might love the interactions, she is not calling the shots Master is, but at the same time kitten knows she can go to Master with a problem and He will help her, that is the difference between expectations and a need.


A sub and slave should know that her needs are going to be met by her Dom or Master, He will care for and protect His property, He will ensure her well being and He will be her teacher and mentor, He is not however responsible for her hopes and expectations,

Struggling

ok i am not sure what is wrong with me, i seem to be really struggling
at the moment and i am not sure why, so many things going on in my life,
and its not making things easy for me, for some reason i just want to cry,
and that is not like me at all

even writing this, i am not kitten, this is not who she is, this is me
and is that the problem ? is it because i don't know who i am any more ?
i am getting grief from ex and daughter, well thats almost normal yet for some reason
it seems to be sitting hard on me, and then add to that the grief from friends and
old Doms, i guess its no wonder i am losing all sense of reasoning,

i am going to see Master soon and that is scaring me, why ? that i can't answer, it might be that my last master was ex, well master in that sense of the word, and look how that ended up, ok i know it was years down the line, and things happened to make it all fall apart but lets face it, with all the hostility i have been subjected to over the time i have been with Master its no wonder i am starting to struggle, not just from ex,family, friends and old doms but from others who think they know what is best for me, and this is without actually knowing me at all. Masters is the one who knows me, He is the one who has a controlling influence on my life yet there are still those who think they should be able to tell me what to do and what is going to happen to me, all this just add more and more to my already overflowing doubts and fears

when did things get so complicated ? why is nothing easy any more ? all i ever wanted to be was happy, and now i am so confused it seems happiness is a long way away for me.

Poly Masters and slaves

A lot is said about being in a relationship and how a slave has no rights, but to kitten this is wrong, we do have some rights, and those are the rights of any human being, the right to be respected. What Master would want something He did not respect? the only type of Dom/Master would be an abusive one, to take a sub/slave and treat them with no respect is a form of abuse and it can and does destroy a slaves self esteem and a good Master builds a slave’s esteem as this makes her more worthy to Him as a person as well as a slave

A slave in a poly relationship has no rights over her Masters time and that is obvious in how she can be treated, she will sit and wait for Him to notice her, this is more evident online when the contact is limited anyway, add to this a time difference and this is more difficult, a Master will take this into account and will make sure that any time He is going to spend with that slave is hers, this does not always happen but kitten hopes that you would get that ‘special’ time at least twice a week, as everyone, including the Master needs to bond, and this is the way it happens.

Another thing kitten feels is that a slave needs to know exactly who is in the ‘ family’ who the other slaves and subs are, who else is a sister and to what degree, this is something that needs to be known, a Master who has 3 slaves is more able to satisfy the needs of His property than a Master who has 10, this kitten has seen a few times and to be honest if a Master is not telling you all involved in His life as a Master then you need to look at the reasons why ,, does He have too many to be able to be there for you when you need Him? Does He not regard you as a part of His family but more a distraction?

Kitten feels that to form a poly then all people involved need to know about each other and communicate, the doubts and misconceptions are fed when you discover that your Master has others you knew nothing about yet your sisters did and had been interacting with them alongside your Master, this leads you to question why you were not informed, a slave left out of the family is not a slave, she is just a person, and if she is to be part of the family then she needs to be included, that is not ‘Domming from the bottom’ that is being part of her Masters life, He accepted her gift of submission and all that it entailed, so to then not have her as part of Him is something she needs to ask why.

Something else that is important is you role in Masters life, what are you? if you are a sex slut then He will let you know that is what He wants from you but if He will not play with you then chances are that is not the role He has in mind for you, every slave fills a part of her Master, and a slave needs to know what part she is to fill,, if He wishes you to be a chauffeur and you cannot drive, then you will be of no use to Him! If He wants to take a whip to you and you hate pain, again some problems will arise, these are things that really need to be worked out and discussed.

It is hard for human nature not to get involved and jealousy is the one sure part of any slave regardless of whether she has been a slave for a 10 days or 10 years, the slave that says she is not jealous at some point or another is lying, both to herself and to her Master, something that a true Master will know and recognise as such, kitten does get jealous, not of the time spent with others as such but more of the time not spent with her. Kitten knows she has no rights over her Master but if looked at it another way, which Master would want a slave that is indifferent to Him? Who really didn’t care if He spoke/played/conversed with her? in one way the jealousy is a sign that a slave desires and wants her Master, and this can only be a good thing, as long as those feelings are not left to take over a slaves or a Master life then jealousy is an emotion that shows a Master how much He is love and desired, not only sexually but in an every day way as well

More kitten thoughts,, lol kitten really needs to stop writing what she feels!