The Submissive

kitten loves this, the words are so powerful and meaningful

Sometimes its better not to talk

“Talk to me, tell me what you are doing, I have a right to know and you are going to tell me “ These are the words kitten was greeted with from her daughter, seems she was not content with talking kittens passport so kitten could not go to Master * kitten got it back when daughters boyfriend found it and wondered why it was in his house* no it seems she has been going through kittens computer and is telling her father all that kitten is doing * and kitten is sure most of it is made up as kitten hasn’t done anything wrong*
Kitten is going to be with Master soon for a visit, hopefully if things go well and Master is happy with kitten it will be more but in the mean time kitten seems to be getting objections and questions, arguments and bad feelings from every angle, and to be honest, it is wearing kitten down.
There are certain things kitten does not feel her daughter needs to know, and kitten would tell her if it was her business, but as it is, she is old enough that she has her own life now, so why can kitten not be allowed the same ? kitten knows ex is not happy, lol got the bruises to prove it* kitten doesn’t think he meant to push her really but guess he got cross with kitten * but at the end of the day, he has another sub, one who he loves to flaunt in kittens face at every opportunity so why can kitten not have a Master who respects her and treats her as a Master should ?
Guess this is just another step kitten has to take to be happy, and take the steps she will, kitten has been at the receiving end of so much that now it is her turn, and to hell with those who don’t like it, after all the only one who has a say in this is Master.

kittens Feelings

Time is moving, it is drawing slowly and slowly closer, this coming week will be a bad one for kitten as she is working long hours all week, this in turn means her time with Master will be less, not His fault, it is just how it works out, the others He owns are in the same time zone, kitten is not, so when she wants to spend time with Him it is hard for Him as others want to as well, kitten stays up until 2am her time, but this is something she does as she has a need to be with Master and this is the only way she can at the moment, this is as it is, soon she will be with Him and that in itself brings many things to kittens mind, thoughts she does not want to answer or have in her head.

What if kitten is not good enough for Master ? What if He doesn’t like kitten ? What is outside interference make things too hard for kitten to cope with ? Where will she run to ? How can she hide away inside herself if Master can actually see her face ? What can she do when things become too much for her ?

Kitten is used to dealing with her problems herself, she has been told off more than a few times by Master for not coming to Him when things were running around in her head, jumbling up and making her have more doubts, more fears, more concerns. Kitten knows she is not the most confident of people, she listens to others too much, she allows their words to break her down, its something Master is working on, He is trying to build kittens esteem, and it works for awhile, unfortunately things then take over and she crumbles, she breaks and is back where she started, only this time she is a bit further down, and the words said and things done are added to the pile she has hidden away. Kitten deals with things by shutting them away, she closes them off and unfortunately when she does that she invariably closes a bit more of herself away as well.

Kitten knows that soon she will be in Masters safety net, she will be loved and protected, she will be wanted by Master, that is all that matters, unfortunately she has to survive the coming days until she is there, and that is something she is afraid of, she really doesn’t know if she can survive

Being a slave

kitten is a slave, ok no big deal for many of you , and in some ways kitten knows that others look at her and say,, so what,, its not a big deal but for kitten it is, its a very big deal and that is something kitten will not deny, she knows she has this ‘ inherent’ desire to serve, and not just anyone, its not as if just because kitten is a slave anyone can come up to her and say ‘ Suck my cock slave’ as despite what kitten is sure some believe it is not like that at all.

So what does it mean to be a slave ? who are you if you serve another ? well honestly ,, you do not exist, there is no you, you are His and in being His He decides who you are, you are what He allows you to be, nothing more and nothing less, If He wishes you to play, He will tell you, until you are told you do not touch your body, remember its not yours any more, it belongs to Him, if He wants you to do certain tasks, you do them if it is within your abilities, whether you want to or not s irrelevant, its not your decision, If He wishes you to have sex with another be it male of female, again not your choice, its His. Everything you do or are is dependant on Him and that kitten knows some have a hard time with, lets face it, kitten still struggles at times and hell she has been in this life for years, but as each Master is different then each experience is different as well so past ‘ experience’ does not count for diddly squat.

In this life a lot,, no all of what a slave does depends on her Master, He is the controlling force in her life, the One who she looks to for guidance and help, the One she trusts and believes in above all others, He is the One constant in a slaves life and as such He has a hard job, He has to look out for His property, make sure it is happy and well, think of a car if you like, with out gas and oil and water it will cease to function, and so will a slave without love and care and nurturing, a slave is something a Master owns and just like His car or His house, time and care is needed to ensure that His slave is happy and content.

This life is not the easy escape from realism that some seem to think it is, its just life with a different twist, we have our problems the same as everyone else.

Past Present Future

There are many things that happen in life that hurt a person, and its strange how a simple conversation can bring those things back into your mind.
Kitten was having a conversation with her Master last night, He was teasing her, and the subject was in one way a normal one but as the chat went on, things started going through kittens mind, things from the past and it upset kitten, stupid she knows as Master had no knowledge and so was at a loss as to what was going on. The past has a way of invading the present and affecting the future, and if no one knows what is upsetting then they will invariably touch on that subject and re open old wounds, things which in theory you should be able to get over but as with all things, sometimes the hurt goes too deep and the easiest way is to shut it away in your head and try to ignore it, pray that it never happens again.
Kitten shut down last night, she took the pain, she became a ‘robot’ and let it take over her until she couldn’t take it any more and she became a ‘zombie’ if you like, she went through the motions, she did things automatically and with no thoughts or feelings, she could not explain to Master what was wrong and she still hasn’t, some things are best left in her head and no in the open, for the first time that she can remember kitten was glad Master was busy else where so He would not ask her questions, so He would not want to know what was wrong, lol the good thing was that the things kitten had to do needed no thoughts or interaction with others, that she doesn’t think she could have coped with without having a complete melt down.
Kitten wrote last night, she wrote of her pain, her feelings, her anger all things that she then destroyed it in the vain hope that this will make things disappear but she knows it won’t, she knows that the wrong word or the right question will bring it all back, so she is prepared, she is ready for it, but the question is,, will she be able to cope with it ?
Some things are best left in the past, unfortunately, the past shapes the present and the present determines our future,, so its all interlinked. We can change our own futures but the past that will always remain the same, and can we ever really get over the past ? kitten hopes so as her future depends on it

Poly Masters and slaves

A lot is said about being in a relationship and how a slave has no rights, but to kitten this is wrong, we do have some rights, and those are the rights of any human being, the right to be respected. What Master would want something He did not respect? the only type of Dom/Master would be an abusive one, to take a sub/slave and treat them with no respect is a form of abuse and it can and does destroy a slaves self esteem and a good Master builds a slave’s esteem as this makes her more worthy to Him as a person as well as a slave

A slave in a poly relationship has no rights over her Masters time and that is obvious in how she can be treated, she will sit and wait for Him to notice her, this is more evident online when the contact is limited anyway, add to this a time difference and this is more difficult, a Master will take this into account and will make sure that any time He is going to spend with that slave is hers, this does not always happen but kitten hopes that you would get that ‘special’ time at least twice a week, as everyone, including the Master needs to bond, and this is the way it happens.

Another thing kitten feels is that a slave needs to know exactly who is in the ‘ family’ who the other slaves and subs are, who else is a sister and to what degree, this is something that needs to be known, a Master who has 3 slaves is more able to satisfy the needs of His property than a Master who has 10, this kitten has seen a few times and to be honest if a Master is not telling you all involved in His life as a Master then you need to look at the reasons why ,, does He have too many to be able to be there for you when you need Him? Does He not regard you as a part of His family but more a distraction?

Kitten feels that to form a poly then all people involved need to know about each other and communicate, the doubts and misconceptions are fed when you discover that your Master has others you knew nothing about yet your sisters did and had been interacting with them alongside your Master, this leads you to question why you were not informed, a slave left out of the family is not a slave, she is just a person, and if she is to be part of the family then she needs to be included, that is not ‘Domming from the bottom’ that is being part of her Masters life, He accepted her gift of submission and all that it entailed, so to then not have her as part of Him is something she needs to ask why.

Something else that is important is you role in Masters life, what are you? if you are a sex slut then He will let you know that is what He wants from you but if He will not play with you then chances are that is not the role He has in mind for you, every slave fills a part of her Master, and a slave needs to know what part she is to fill,, if He wishes you to be a chauffeur and you cannot drive, then you will be of no use to Him! If He wants to take a whip to you and you hate pain, again some problems will arise, these are things that really need to be worked out and discussed.

It is hard for human nature not to get involved and jealousy is the one sure part of any slave regardless of whether she has been a slave for a 10 days or 10 years, the slave that says she is not jealous at some point or another is lying, both to herself and to her Master, something that a true Master will know and recognise as such, kitten does get jealous, not of the time spent with others as such but more of the time not spent with her. Kitten knows she has no rights over her Master but if looked at it another way, which Master would want a slave that is indifferent to Him? Who really didn’t care if He spoke/played/conversed with her? in one way the jealousy is a sign that a slave desires and wants her Master, and this can only be a good thing, as long as those feelings are not left to take over a slaves or a Master life then jealousy is an emotion that shows a Master how much He is love and desired, not only sexually but in an every day way as well

More kitten thoughts,, lol kitten really needs to stop writing what she feels!