Always

Some people say there is no such thing as Always, it does not exist, and they might be right, but if they are should you not live now, should you not take what chances of happiness that you can, let your hopes and dreams be a deciding factor in your quest for a life you deserve.

There might not be an always, but there is always a here and now, and that means more if you live life as you want to

A Good Day

Today has been a good day, things seemed to be on an even keel, there was one point kitten felt herself fighting against herself and her thoughts but that was soon pasted over, shut away and apart from the brief moment it was allowed to escape it is now forgotten, and that is how it needs to be, it is something kitten learning to control more, and with that contol comes an uneasy peace, fragile but needed.

kitten knows there are things she needs to work out, and these things are kittens to deal with, there is no other help to be had, as the thoughts are something inside kitten and the feelings they produce are things kitten and kitten alone needs to work on, to not feel is to be dead, but to feel too much is to slowly kill yourself, there is a fine line that needs to be walked at times.

kitten was asked why she had so many negative feelings about meeting Master and that made her think, she really wants to be with Master, and if He is there all the time all well and good and if He isn't then that is good as well, kitten does not feel negative about being with Him, she is churning with excitement inside, ok the grief with family does nothing to help her she will admit but that is nothing new, and kitten is so looking forward to being with Him, she is scared though, scared she will not be good enough, or she will fail Him in some way, frightened that He will not like her once she is there, worried He will grow bored with kitten within days, nervous about whether she can look her best * or as good as she can look* for Him at all times, silly things but with the other things in kittens head they just add to the confusion and worry.

Anyone gathered by now kitten is a worrier ?

kitten is wrting a list now, a list for her, on this list are 5 things that kitten needs to do daily, they are simple things but they are things kitten needs to do, all designed to boost kittens confidence, to help her improve herself and she is going to do the list daily until she no longer needs the list as they are part of her routine, this for kitten is the first step towards dispelling some of the fears she has, in 75 days kitten will be with Master, that gives kitten 75 days to improve her views of herself, she knows it will not be easy, lol she is already expecting a set back next week when ex comes round, but kitten has her list, she will do it daily and hopefully she will not disapoint Master, god kitten really prays she doesn't, ok that was not a good thought, its gone now, put away again

The Submissive

kitten loves this, the words are so powerful and meaningful

What is a Master ?

last night Master had kitten crying,,,, with laughter and it was something kitten never realised she needed, it lifted her in a way she has not felt in ages, all the turmoil in her head was temporarily forgotten and she was hurting with laughter * seems Master thinks kitten talks funny, like she says eetch instead of itch, and no matter how kitten tried, she could not say it right, but that could be because of the laughter.

How did Master know that kitten was down ? kitten never told Him, she never said a word, but He was so funny last night, lol kitten got banned from laughing at one stage as her belly was hurting and her tears were running down her face. How can one person know His slaves moods better than she does ? It was weird yet at the same time something kitten is learning to trust about Master, no matter what she says or doesn’t say, He knows kitten better than she knows herself at times, and that is scary yet at the same time a huge relief.

Kitten has a hard time talking about things she doesn’t want to bring to the front of her mind, this is an ongoing problem but for some reason Master wants to know, again this is hard, in previous M/s relationships kittens thoughts and feelings were always used against her, hence why she does not talk about them if she can avoid it * key phrase is kitten is fine thank You and then change the subject* This at times causes major problems, things build and kitten gets scared, and yes she is a whimp but that is how she is, if a person gets knocked down enough they learn to like the view from down there.

So last night was a welcome relief for kitten, for the first time in over a week kitten went to bed with a smile on her face and peace in her mind, it was a wonderful feeling and kitten learnt 5 things last night as well

#1Master is a terrible terrible tease

#2 Master now knows kitten hates spiders * this is not a good thing kitten is thinking

#3 Master knows kitten better than kitten does at times

#4 kitten needs to learn to speak properly * hhmmm wait till kitten starts talking cockney slang, that will baffle Master *

#5 Master is the One thing in kittens life that she can trust and believe in, last night proved that, no words spoken yet He knew, that is what being a Master is about, knowing those You own, helping them, guiding them and lifting them when they need it

Master may not have known what the problem was and to be honest kitten not sure He will ever be told * see the bit about talking about things * but last night certainly helped kitten more than He will ever know

Thank You Master, thank You for being You and for caring about kitten, kitten is one very lucky slave

Sorting things out

Kitten is going to visit Master soon, so she is getting ready for the most important trip of her life so far, and she is looking at the things she thinks she might need and lol that is so funny.

Ok first in the case goes the underwear, and first out of the case is the same underwear, kitten not allowed to wear panties and bra’s so she will only need one bra for emergencies * not sure what emergency will require a bra but kitten likes to be prepared.

Next in is a bikini, ok take that out, going to the nude beach so no bikini needed there, how about a kaftan, hhmmm might take that,its sheer and lightweight, might be allowed to use that once or twice. Now for pj’s .... ok kitten knows, out they come as well, not allowed to wear them either, kitten to sleep naked beside Master with no barriers to stop Him touching what He owns when He wants to.

Now what about clothes ? kitten has jeans, and long skirts to the floor, and a few pairs of shorts, kitten does not own a dress or a short skirt, and the shorts, well kitten has them but doesn’t wear them, ok kitten taking a skirt, and jeans and the shorts are her insentive, kitten wants to loose 1 stone, then she will wear the shorts, hold on no she won’t, kitten to be naked when she is at Masters house, so guess she will not need many clothes at all really,

Packing the case will be so easy, kitten almost ready, she has her toothbrush and she has her smile, her hopes and dreams shining in her eyes she is ready, all packed to see Master, after all, what else will she ever need ?

Sometimes its better not to talk

“Talk to me, tell me what you are doing, I have a right to know and you are going to tell me “ These are the words kitten was greeted with from her daughter, seems she was not content with talking kittens passport so kitten could not go to Master * kitten got it back when daughters boyfriend found it and wondered why it was in his house* no it seems she has been going through kittens computer and is telling her father all that kitten is doing * and kitten is sure most of it is made up as kitten hasn’t done anything wrong*
Kitten is going to be with Master soon for a visit, hopefully if things go well and Master is happy with kitten it will be more but in the mean time kitten seems to be getting objections and questions, arguments and bad feelings from every angle, and to be honest, it is wearing kitten down.
There are certain things kitten does not feel her daughter needs to know, and kitten would tell her if it was her business, but as it is, she is old enough that she has her own life now, so why can kitten not be allowed the same ? kitten knows ex is not happy, lol got the bruises to prove it* kitten doesn’t think he meant to push her really but guess he got cross with kitten * but at the end of the day, he has another sub, one who he loves to flaunt in kittens face at every opportunity so why can kitten not have a Master who respects her and treats her as a Master should ?
Guess this is just another step kitten has to take to be happy, and take the steps she will, kitten has been at the receiving end of so much that now it is her turn, and to hell with those who don’t like it, after all the only one who has a say in this is Master.

kittens Feelings

Time is moving, it is drawing slowly and slowly closer, this coming week will be a bad one for kitten as she is working long hours all week, this in turn means her time with Master will be less, not His fault, it is just how it works out, the others He owns are in the same time zone, kitten is not, so when she wants to spend time with Him it is hard for Him as others want to as well, kitten stays up until 2am her time, but this is something she does as she has a need to be with Master and this is the only way she can at the moment, this is as it is, soon she will be with Him and that in itself brings many things to kittens mind, thoughts she does not want to answer or have in her head.

What if kitten is not good enough for Master ? What if He doesn’t like kitten ? What is outside interference make things too hard for kitten to cope with ? Where will she run to ? How can she hide away inside herself if Master can actually see her face ? What can she do when things become too much for her ?

Kitten is used to dealing with her problems herself, she has been told off more than a few times by Master for not coming to Him when things were running around in her head, jumbling up and making her have more doubts, more fears, more concerns. Kitten knows she is not the most confident of people, she listens to others too much, she allows their words to break her down, its something Master is working on, He is trying to build kittens esteem, and it works for awhile, unfortunately things then take over and she crumbles, she breaks and is back where she started, only this time she is a bit further down, and the words said and things done are added to the pile she has hidden away. Kitten deals with things by shutting them away, she closes them off and unfortunately when she does that she invariably closes a bit more of herself away as well.

Kitten knows that soon she will be in Masters safety net, she will be loved and protected, she will be wanted by Master, that is all that matters, unfortunately she has to survive the coming days until she is there, and that is something she is afraid of, she really doesn’t know if she can survive

kittens Journey

kitten, as you may have gathered, is going to visit Master, this is the first step in her being with Master, if things work out then kitten is hopefully going to be His kitten perminantly, this in itself will being with it more problems, but those kitten will deal with as they arise, she will do as she always does, take them one at a time and work her way through them,

kitten is the type of person who needs structure, she needs a routine, a list, a focus, she is really no good without the routine and structure in her life. kitten makes lists of things that need to be done, and one by one she checks them off the list, Master being a bugger to kitten loves to throw things at her, different tasks, adding some things taking others away, all things to try to make kitten more flexible, to not rely on her routine and lists all the time, He wants kitten to be confident in what she does and while He doen't mind her havine a routine He also wants her to be able to be confident in moving away from the list occasionally without panicing, not worked yet but He is not giving up.

kitten has many fears and doubts, she loves to help people, she gives advice and she talks to them, she will always be there for those who need her but kitten has a problem with telling others what is on her mind, she has found that it is not worth it, as most of the time it is not listened to and when it is it is turned around so she is the one who is found wanting as it was, so kitten tends to write on her notepad, and she keeps things to herself, this is something Master hates, He wants kitten to go to Him always, and she tries, but there are times kittens thought mix together and she can't seperate them so she stays quiet, maybe too quiet, but the one thing kitten knows is when she is finally in Masters arms and she feels safe and loved and protected she knows that all the problems that lead to her being there will be overcome, she will not worry about others insecurities or their doubts and fears, that will be for them to deal with, all kitten will know is that she if finally where she needs to be, where she wants to be and where she wants to stay

Keys of a Slave

These are the keys of a slave

Faith... in your Master and all He does, faith in yourself to know that you are a good person and will do your best for Him always

Humility... to know that you are not perfect, not matter what you might think ultimatly you are not a perfect person

Respect.... For your Master and for your sisters but also you must have respect for yourself

Patience... You need patience to know that all things happen for a reason, you are a worthy person but at times you will be over looked and 'forgotten' about, have the patience to sit and wait until your time comes

Compassion... to know that the world does not revolve around you, your needs are not the most important ones, remove the Me, I and Mine from your vocabulary and open yourself up to feel for other people, to listen to them without it always being about you

Courage.... Have the courage to follow your dreams no matter how many times others try to discourage you or knock you down, Master is your strength, but you are strong as well

Perseverance.. to know that you will achieve your desires, no matter who stands in your way you will keep trying and trying, never give up on your dreams

Moving Closer, Still Worried

Another day crossed off kittens diary, another day closer, and as each day ends and another starts, kitten knows that the time is getting nearer, nearer till she is with Master, but that in itself is something not without its own problems and worries, it is something kitten longs for, something she needs but at the same time it is something kitten has many doubts and concerns about

Kitten has been told by Master certain things, yet told by another other things, and if kitten is honest she herself has preconcieved ideas, now if you add all these things together, yeap kitten has got no clue any more !

kitten not really sure why but she hasn't spoken to Master for days now, talked talked, and even these last few days the im chat has been sparse and broken with long gaps of silence, again kitten knows Master is busy but as the time difference is something that affects kitten and not others, she really wishes that would be remembered at times, all kitten can come up with is the fact she and her 'sister' are once more banging heads, this is nothing new and kitten is really not surprised to be honest, and that is something kitten worries about as well when she goes to Master, kitten does not want Master in the middle of any falling outs between slaves but she has a feeling that is not going to be her choice,

kitten got a call last night, she would have liked to have spoken to Master about it but He was busy, and to be fair, what could He have done ? the same as kitten really and that is nothing, the only difference is kitten didn't let it affect her as badly as the previous calls have done, but in one way it has, kitten knows there are emails waiting for her, offlines and demands, and kitten being the chicken she is won't log into those accounts as then shewill sit and read them, and when she is on her own, no matter how hard she tries, the words used soak into her head, the things said, the way she is spoken about, all of these things play games with her, and kitten not strong enough to ignore them 100% so little bits kitten lets into her life.

Well all kitten can say is that she will be with Master soon, now all she has to do is get it in her head this is what He wants as well, kitten knows He says it is but after the weekend and the chat dropping off and no talking, and the calls and the fights and the everything, then kitten not so sure to be honest, and even if He wans kitten there, she knows there is at least one other who doesn't and as that one is closer to Master, well kitten got a feeling she will have a very bumpy road ahead before she is with Master, and even then it will not be smooth sailing she thinks, even being there in person will open a lot of doubts and fears, and not only for kitten

Climb 'Til Your Dream Comes True

Often your tasks will be many,
And more than you think you can do.
Often the road will be rugged
And the hills insurmountable, too.
But always remember,
The hills ahead
Are never as steep as they seem,
And with Faith in your heart
Start upward
And climb 'til you reach your dream.
For nothing in life that is worthy
Is ever too hard to achieve
If you have the courage to try it,
And you have the faith to believe.
For faith is a force that is greater
Than knowledge or power or skill,
And many defeats turn to triumph
If you trust in God's wisdom and will.
For faith is a mover of mountains,
There's nothing that God cannot do,
So, start out today with faith in your heart,
And climb 'til your dream comes true!

by: Helen Steiner Rice