The cost Of This Life

There is an old saying, that everything is possible - but at a price and never more true than when you are looking into this lifestyle.

Many of your friends and family will say that all they want is your happiness, that as long as you are safe and free from harm then you should live your life as you see fit, and not to worry about them as they are fine. Well kitten is here to tell you that in the majority of the cases that is so far from the truth it is laughable

When kitten moved to Master she knew the cost to herself, it was something she and she alone would have to decide, not only was she moving away from all the things that were familiar to her, her family, her friends, her work and to some extent the 'safeness' of her life but she was also moving to another country where they drive on the wrong side of the road, they speak funny and don't understand kitten when she speaks, the money is so whacky its ridiculous at times trying to work out what things cost and that is just the normal everyday living, that does not include the journey that kitten is taking just by being with Master, the things she has to learn or unlearn as the case might be.

kitten has times when all the feelings of loss are overwhelming, when all she can think of is her family and friends, her need to speak to them, see them, touch them and it is at those times kitten tends to close down a bit, the choices that were made were made by kitten and no one else, Master supports kitten but would not tell her what to do with regard to making a choice, that was something He refused to do in that He knew that the feelings that kitten gets would have been directed at Him and unfairly so as well.

People love to tell you that they only want your happiness, what they fail to tell you is they want your happiness as long as it falls in with what they want you to do and that is something kitten is finding out the hard way, but if you were to ask her does she regret her desicion then the answer would be no not in the slightest as this is how kitten needs to live, she is where she needs to be and with whom she needs to be with BUT and heres the thing, ask her again if she believes that others want her happiness in everything she does and she will proberbly answer - if it suits their purpose.

Its All In The Wording

When you first start to interact with a Dom or Master there is a lot of talking and very little sex if it is done right. A person who does not wish to actually learn about their sub/slave Dom or Master does not actually seem to interested in this as a complete way of life, it has been kittens experience * and yeap just like everyone else kitten has been burnt a time or two by online fakes* that all they are looking for is a quick way to get their rocks off with none of the responsibility that goes with it.

The reason kitten mentions this is that during the talking period there comes a time when limits and hard limits are discussed, * or should be* as well as likes and dislikes and that is where wording is very important. A sub or slave has to remember that a Dom or Master only has what He is being told to base His judgments on, He has at this stage no real knowledge of the sub or slave and so He has to trust her to tell Him what she will and will not be open to.

Kitten has seen many in chat rooms say that they love the idea of being flogged, they welcome the feeling of being bound and choked, when in actual fact they have no real time experience with any of that, and the same goes for the new Doms or Masters, if they say that they are experts in bondage and floggings and have in fact had no experience in this then it can have disastrous consequences.

How something is said is very important, to tell a Dom or Master that you will not do something as it is a HARD LIMIT then that is what a Dom or Master has to trust, it is something that is non negotiable and a real Dom or Master will not expect this from you when playing or interacting with them, it is also something that you cannot change your mind about at a later date, a hard limit is just that, a hard limit, its a no no. A limit on the other hand is something that you are not sure about, it is something you could have had a bad experience with and while you are really uncertain about it, its not something you would volunteer to do willingly it is also something that can be pushed at by an experienced Dom or Master to see whether it is something that can be overcome. A real Dom or Master will try to get His sub/slave past her inner fear about something but at the same time doing it in a way that will not cause her harm or worry, if while pushing her the Master senses resistance and fear He will pull back and reassure her that everything is fine and she is safe, He will then stop that course of action/play and move on to something else, leaving that to be explored another day and maybe the next time it can be taken a bit further.

The problem with having limits and hard limits is that a limit can and usually is moved past, it is more often a case of fear of the unknown that makes it a limit, the sub/slave has no real experience of it so it frightens her where as a hard limit is something she has decided she does not want and it is not up for negotiation, it is a moot point and not something she will entertain in her submission, again the words a Dom or Master are told is all He has to go on so He takes her hard limits and respects them, not pushing at them and not trying to break them down. Unfortunately a hard limit is more often something that they decide at a later date they might actually like and so they start to change the playing field if they can, but that is not always possible, remember if you have changed your mind about one thing then how is a Dom or Master to know what else you have changed your mind about ? Also if there are more than one hard limit and you want to ignore one then how are they to know the others are still hard limits ?

As kitten said in the beginning – its all in the wording so be careful how you say something and what it is you are saying

Expectations

Many subs or slaves become interested in this life, they then find a Dom or Master and they submit, nothing wrong with that at all, the trouble and problems start when they come into this life with expectations, they have a ‘vision’ of what this life will be like, what they will receive from it and how it will fulfil their lives, unfortunately in almost 90% of those cases the expectations are very wrong.


This is a wonderful life if it is one you are suited to, and if kitten is honest it is not something for everyone, they can incorporate certain parts into their everyday lives but the actual M/s or D/s relationship beyond a scene or playing is not for everyone, this is something that needs to be recognised straight away.
There should be no expectations on a sub or slaves behalf, as if she has them then the focus is on her and not her Master, its what she wants and what she is expecting, this leads to feelings of dissatisfaction, of wanting more, of thinking she deserves better than she is receiving, these feelings are more prominent in a poly relationship especially if the slave sees another getting more attention for what ever reason.


The needs of a slave are met by a Master, BUT they are what He thinks she needs not what she thinks she deserves, there is a big difference between a need and deserving something. If a sub or slave goes into certain situations expecting things to happen in a specific way and they don’t she then suffers feelings of loss and disappointment, whose fault is that ? Not the Masters as the slave is trying to predict what is going to happen, she is building herself up for certain things that she thinks she deserves, things she think are her right as His slave and if the don’t occur then she is the one who is going to have her expectations dashed. For example, if a sub or slave is always spanked in the evening for instance and then all of a sudden the Master starts to cuddle her instead, the slave can feel a sense of disappointment if she has been looking forward to a spanking, the same as if she is cuddled in the morning and all of a sudden He does not do that, who is at fault ?


Another instance is time spent with a slave, and this is one that kitten sees all the time and one she admits to saying to Master a few times. A slave deserves time with Master, but does she ? Who is kitten to tell Master what she deserves ? kitten loves her time with Master, its kittens time when she can talk to Him, tell Him things that have been worrying her and its the time she looks forward to as it strengthens the bond between Master and kitten but this is not something kitten deserves, nor is it something she has a right to expect, it is Masters choice who He spends His time with and how He spends it, and while kitten might love the interactions, she is not calling the shots Master is, but at the same time kitten knows she can go to Master with a problem and He will help her, that is the difference between expectations and a need.


A sub and slave should know that her needs are going to be met by her Dom or Master, He will care for and protect His property, He will ensure her well being and He will be her teacher and mentor, He is not however responsible for her hopes and expectations,